From Our Weight Loss Mastery Workshop - The Benefits of Our Permanent Weight Loss Process11/11/2014
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The most sweet, most vulnerable, most real question we've received at our workshops.... She asks - "Can I look like you?" We answer and then Erin explains how it all started for her, what she wanted, and what you also have a right to. This is audio from a real coaching session - the client's name and the client's responses are edited out to protect her privacy. Right after I realized she was crying, I said "You're crying...." She said "Yes, I'm crying. Thank you. Thank you for remembering. Thank you for remembering everything I've told you in the past." This is one of the golden nuggets to personalized one-on-one coaching. We do remember everything you've told us in the past. We remember and we honor everything about you. At every workshop, women travel from hours away. They drive in from other states, and they fly in too! Men, on the other hand, are never allowed, so they only wish they could be a fly on the wall at them! They want to know - do we talk about them? Do we ignore them? What the heck are we doing that is so powerful and so effective that women experience incredible weight loss in one day? It's described as magical, and indeed it is! I should know, I've been to every single one. :) Each workshop is a little bit different, because each one has a new group of women. The energy in the air is always palpable, the anticipation is filled with hope and skepticism at the same time. Then... they experience it, and hope never disappoints; the experience is never disappointing. Women love it. Men want to know about it. So to answer the question - do we talk about men? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. This is a short clip from one workshop in which one man's name was mentioned... You have all the tools inside of you to do this, to once and for all, lose this monkey off your back, that monkey being all of the excess weight you’ve accumulated. This process will reveal to you where the tools are in your tool bag, as well as give you additional tools to use. So at any time, now or in the future, you can pull out a certain tool and use it to help you accomplish your weight loss. You hold and possess your own tool bag. The tools are all tools of truth. We simply will bring to light where they are and raise your level of awareness to them. We take the truth that’s already inside of you and raise it up to a heightened level of awareness so it’s at the front of your mind and you can put into practice the very thing you long to do. Coupling this with experiencing the reality of unconditional love and the removal of judgment is the power of this process. It is the balance of every action and reaction (reactions serve as protections) that make this a holistic process, making it 100% complete. The actions and protections combined, of the truth and the love, the science and the art, as illustrated in the chart below, are all integrated into the process.
It is the combination of the actions and protections the Seven Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery will utilize that will make this the most powerful thing you can put into practice for yourself. It will train your brain and heal your heart for Weight Loss Mastery. We will hold the truth and the science up (the masculine) of weight loss with the utmost respect coupled with the love and the art (the feminine) of weight loss with the same respect. We’re all familiar with the universal principle of Faith and Works and that one is dead without the other. The power of faith is nothing without works. The power of works is nothing without faith. The message is - it’s a waste of time to even put one side of it into practice without the other, because it will have no power. This is why most diet plans and programs do not work. Following a menu, sticking to a diet, boot camps and workout routines are only one side of the coin. Most of them are just the works, just the science, and we’ve all attempted to put these kind of things into practice with little or no long-term results. And it’s because works without faith is dead, we just didn’t know that it was only half of the equation. (Please know that when I use the word “faith” I am not talking about a religion, I am speaking of the word faith in a general sense – meaning your belief and confidence.) The words below illustrate the duality, the balance, the wholeness of this Seven Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery. Do you want to know how naturally thin people maintain their weight? It's not in following a diet, that's for sure! (I mean, they are naturally thin, they don't have to follow a diet!) It's in how they think! Here are my top ten thoughts I have now that I am naturally thin. 1. I am very aware of my body's great shape and I value and care about that a lot. 2. I do not freak out, feel discouraged or hopeless when I see the scale go up a few pounds. I know I have the power to control my weight. 3. I never feel obligated to eat when my friends or family eat if I don't want to. 4. I don't really care about all the "eat this" and "eat that" rules; I know my weight is healthy and my nutrition is good (all confirmed by my healthcare provider.) 5. I never feel obligated to finish eating something I've started. I can save anything and everything for later. 6. I don't have anxiety about missing a meal occasionally; it happens, and I may not like it, but I know I'm not starving. And I definitely don't worry about my body holding onto fat from "starvation mode". That's actually never happened to me. Call me crazy, but if I really start to starve (dictionary definition - perish from lack of food), I will lose body fat. 7. My weight and my body and desires/goals with that are never, or very infrequently, a topic of conversation in my inner circles. 8. I never "announce" when I'm deciding not to eat something. (I've been at pizza parties before and no one even noticed I decided not to eat any pizza.) 9. I have a strong internal gauge on my own satiation and hence, know very well when it's time to stop eating. I am good at self-regulating. 10. Absolutely nobody else has a say or input in the decisions I make with my body and the food (type and/or amount) I decide to eat. I'm smart enough to make my own decisions, thank you very much. These are all indeed real and powerful thoughts a naturally thin person thinks. They seem to so easily be naturally thin, saying stuff like "I can eat anything I want", but that's only because what they want comes from how they think and their decisions don't cause them to gain weight. This is what the Losing Coach Seven Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery will do for you.... it will train you to think like you are naturally thin, and hence, you will become naturally thin. Through the process, you will learn to self-regulate, feel good about your body and your decisions, and see that you have the power to control your weight, with no anxiety, and be naturally thin! The best way to decrease your appetite is to understand what increases it in the first place. When it comes to your appetite - don't fight it, fix it. It's the difference between putting a band-aid on something and actually remedying the source of the problem. So let's get to the source. Appetite, as defined by the dictionary, is simply, a desire for food or drink. It's real simple, so let's keep it simple. We are not psycho-analyzing anyone's deep dark secrets here. Follow me and read to the bottom on a specific way you can decrease your appetite. If you have an increased appetite, you've probably said words like this - "I'm a stress eater" or "I'm an emotional eater." And my reaction to that is...so am I and everyone else; that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. What that does mean is that you recognize your appetite is increased by anxiety and anxiety is indeed a source of an increased appetite. The source of your appetite comes from a message that the brain sends to the body to increase the desire for food or drink. Why would the brain do this to us? It wants to protect us. The brain knows from past experience that food and drink serve as a natural anti-anxiety for us. First let me show you that your appetite is simply a message from the brain to the body. Do you know that it is possible to be under extreme stress and emotion, have an empty stomach, and even feel hungry, with NO appetite whatsoever... when you have the stomach flu. Ever think about that before? This is not a paradox, this is simply from a message your brain sent to your body to decrease your appetite to protect you during a time when you are unable to digest food. Your brain sent that message to your body to have no desire for food. It did this to protect you. Understand the brain will send a message to your body, one way or another - to increase or decrease your appetite for your protection, always. It wants to help ease your anxiety, comfort your pain, and protect you from illness. Anxiety, along with pain and other experiences will cause the brain to send this message to increase your appetite. But let's just focus on anxiety, since it is so prevalent. One way that you can decrease your appetite is to decrease your anxiety. Anxiety, as defined by the dictionary is "distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune." And did you know that your lack of confidence in your ability to lose weight is actually fear of misfortune. If you fear you won't be able to lose weight, you have fear of misfortune, which is anxiety. Your very fear that you will never be able to lose weight increases your appetite! It's a vicious cycle, very similar to worrying about not getting enough sleep causing insomnia. The best way to decrease your appetite is to have full confidence that you CAN and WILL lose weight. This kind of confidence can only come from knowing the truth with a real and truthful weight loss plan with no gimmicks and no exceptions. Only then can you truly have this kind of confidence. This confidence will eliminate your anxiety and hence, you will not need the anti-anxiety effect that more food provides, and so the brain will decrease your appetite. I still marvel at this in my own experiences and am fascinated to see this play out each and every time for our clients. The effect of removing the anxiety about weight loss is a powerful way our clients experience a decreased appetite. I know how frustrated and overwhelmed I felt at this time in my life. I was only 31 years old when this picture was taken, but my stance communicates a weathered and worn out body. I felt much older, like my body had already bore the burden of many, many years my senior. And it had. This was 2001, the year of one of my near-deaths - I almost died from bleeding out on the table from a nicked artery in an elective surgery (shame how I had been deceived into believing there was something wrong with me and so, asked the doctor to go exploring to find out what was wrong with me and it almost cost me my life - a very real story for me, and quite the allegorical story for women everywhere - but that's a blog for another time.) Here I was overweight and trapped. Of course, I knew how I was gaining weight, but not why. The how and the why are two completely different things when it comes to your weight. I knew I was gaining weight by spending too many nights on the couch eating ice cream and potato chips, but I didn't know why. WHY was I letting myself go? Why didn't I care about my body, my health, or my appearance? WHY was all this happening to me and I couldn't pick myself up? Seems like there would be many reasons, but there is only one. The only reason WHY any woman gains weight is - the absorption of judgment. Judgment. It's every which direction you turn, and when you accept it, you absorb it. When you absorb it, your body will manifest it. The judgment I absorbed - I thought I was lazy, undisciplined, selfish, and quite honestly, just simply, very fat and ugly. The good news - I learned to lose the judgment and protect myself. Learn to lose the judgment and protect yourself from it, and your body will also manifest that. There are a plethora of ways we've gained weight, but only one why. You have done nothing wrong by gaining weight. Nothing wrong at all. I was not any of those things I thought I was. Neither are you. If you are overweight - there's only one reason why - the absorption of judgment. If you want help losing that, that's what we do at Losing Coach. Lose the lies! It's this way! Many women ask me about my private coaching, "It's going to help me have a healthy relationship with food, right?" I am always taken aback by how to respond to that. Relationship with food? I know what they mean, but that phrase never sits right with me. I implore you to really stop and think about what those words imply, and how that implication can be a stumbling block in your process. A "relationship with food" doesn't exist. Food is a resource that either gets consumed or goes stale. There is no relationship that exists - it doesn't care how you feel or what you think; food has no feelings or thoughts. Relationships, by definition, only exist when there is an involvement and/or emotional connection between two people. If you feel you have an emotional connection to food, I get that. But that is not any kind of relationship, because trust me, food has no emotional connection to you. If it were any kind of relationship, it could only be compared to that of unrequited love, a one-way relationship. And so, if you want to say you have this relationship, it's a pretty lonely one. To imply this "relationship with food" within yourself is a stumbling block in my opinion, because it's not being honest with yourself. Food couldn't care less about you. Food doesn't know you even exist. If you want to call it a relationship, then I would say, "Get out now!" The truth is food is not relational, and the only thing you are really dealing with in this process of weight loss is the decisions you make in consuming food. For this decision-making, the relationship The Losing Coach® focuses on is the relationship with yourself. You do have the ability to have an emotional connection and involvement with yourself, to care about yourself, about what you think and what you feel. This relationship is vital. This relationship will help you lose weight. Your relationship is with yourself, not food. Get out of that "relationship" now, because it doesn't exist. You, however, do. And you are not alone. Talk to me today. I am the woman that wrote the piece about being morbidly obese and I GET the insult of those words. I have lived them and been shamed by them for way too long. I can remember being in biology class in sixth grade and learning the term obese. I already struggled with being overweight that young and I remember thinking "I will NEVER let myself get to the point I am obese!" I have spent the last ten years, at least, weighing over 300 pounds and I could not for the life of me lose any weight. It was painful and frustrating and humiliating. A couple years ago I had a surgery and I went back and got my report from the hospital afterwards and at the top of the paper the doctor had written ANXIOUS OBESE WHITE FEMALE. That hit me like a ton of bricks! I was determined to be ok with myself at whatever weight I was but in medical terms I was still labeled obese, a word I vowed to never be.
When I started with the Losing Coach and I had already lost some weight I was looking at a BMI indicator to see where I fell and was shocked to see I wasn't actually obese. I was MORBIDLY OBESE. But something had changed in me because I have the confidence now since learning how to lose weight through the Losing Coach that I will not stay at that level for long. In fact, I am almost out of the medically termed morbidly obese category and into the obese category. And I couldn't be more excited. I don't really care what they label me at this point because I know who I am and where I am headed, all thanks to the Losing Coach. The following was written to us from a workshop participant: "After a decade of being categorized as morbidly obese, I spent one afternoon at a Losing Coach workshop that literally broke the shell that was holding the fat on my body. I still can’t explain exactly what happened that day but I have no doubt about the changes it made in my body and in my life. I was so anxious and nervous about committing to attend and about spending the money for it when I didn’t know what all it would entail. But I know this now...It is unlike ANY weight loss program or plan I have ever seen. The new patterns of thinking I gained flow over into literally every area of my life. It’s as if the Losing Coaches went through my brain and switched OFF old negative thoughts and replaced them with brand new shiny thinking. I am STILL EXCITED about my weight loss journey after starting four months ago. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day have come and gone and I was able to enjoy each celebration while still losing weight. The best part, though, is knowing that I never ever will have to wonder again about what I need to do to lose weight and I will never ever again be morbidly obese. The only thing I regret about attending the Losing Coach workshop is that I didn’t listen to myself and do it sooner." What is the REAL, under-lying reason women struggle with their weight? Has every woman who has gained weight struggled with body image issues? No. Is she lazy? No. Lack self-control? No. Been sexually assaulted? No. Been used and abused? No. In a bad marriage? Broken-hearted? Over-stressed? No, no, and no. Not EVERY woman. Those are all things that happen in people's lives, and are certainly reasons that can contribute, but not the one common denominator. There is one common experience that every woman who has ever had unwanted weight gain has, one common denominator. Someone or some thing has deceived her, purposefully or not, verbally, or nonverbally, deceived her into believing that "YOUR FEELINGS DON'T MATTER." But much of the time it goes further. Women have been convinced, not just that their feelings don't matter, but also that their feelings are fallible. She has been told not to make decisions based on feelings. She's been told to "get over it" or called "over-sensitive", which communicated to her that feelings were not normal or that she shouldn't feel what she feels. The corporate world shames feelings, family life can cause us to keep them bottled up, and often, churches and communities can't accept them if they are against their doctrine. Some doctrines teach her that her feelings are inherently wicked or evil. No matter how it's communicated, she has been deceived into simply, not trusting her own feelings. Subconsciously, she starts shaming herself, privately, deeply, internally for being "too sensitive", feeling too much, and then judges herself for being selfish for thinking that what she feels matters. After all, her "feelings don't matter, are not valid, and will lead her astray in their wicked deception, in making bad decisions and screwing things up." So, she shuts down her feelings. In shutting down her feelings, in essence, she is ignoring valid messages and indicators. Let's define what feelings are. Feelings are involuntary; feelings are reactions, involuntary reactions to our experiences that send us a valid indicator and a message. (I.e. - I feel involuntary pain, as a reaction to the experience of touching a hot stove; there's a valid indicator here - this stove is too hot to touch, and message here - I should be careful around stoves.) It's that simple. But because of the deception that feelings are voluntary and shameful, feelings (really, our inner voices) that are designed to help us make decisions, are now silenced. The woman adopts, "How I feel doesn't matter, so inner voice, I'm not listening to your indicators and messages, don't talk to me." She is left with no help to make good, logical decisions. Once a woman is fully deceived into not trusting herself, she will listen and believe all the misleading and deceptive lies of the diet industry that will cause her to gain weight. Here's a sample story of how that happens, how it all begins. A normal weight woman participates in some kind of special event, a wedding, party or holiday, and at this event, is a lot of delicious food available. She does what everyone does - consumes too much and gains a few ounces. This happens again and now she has gained a few pounds. She has done nothing wrong here. Normally, she would listen to the voice inside of her that has a sense of this gain, step on the scale, and know the truth - she's gained some weight. If she doesn't want or like this weight gain, she would listen to the inner voice inside of her that says, "Okay, no problem, it's just a few pounds, so just eat a little less for a few days or so, you'll be fine, and you'll lose the weight." And with full confidence that this is not a big deal, and trust in herself, she absolutely could do that and successfully lose the few pounds she gained. Not a big deal. End of story. All okay. But that's not what happens when she does not trust herself. Here's the story re-written: A normal weight woman participates in some kind of special event, and at this event, is a lot of delicious food available. She does what everyone does - consumes too much and gains a few ounces. This happens again and now she has gained a few pounds. She has done nothing wrong here. Here's where the story changes - since the voice inside of her is now silent, she doesn't step on the scale. Instead, she hears the other voices that have told that her feelings are fallible (too sensitive you are), and she certainly shouldn't obsess over the scale, so she ignores everything, and she doesn't really know the truth that she's gained weight - she has no data (the number on the scale) to process. Essentially, she sticks her head in the sand about it. And that is just the first few pounds of weight gain. When this happens again, and she accumulates a gain of 5 or 10 lbs, her clothes don't fit, and then, she is feeling really discouraged and defeated. But again, she's told that it's her wickedly vain ego that cares about her weight, or it's her lack of will-power that has caused her weight gain. There is more judgment and more judgment heaped onto her - that it's her own fault she made bad choices, and that she's a little vain or selfish. (Unless you're a fitness model, you might be judged for caring about your body by someone, most likely. Society does one of two things with a woman's body - shames it or exploits it.) With no inner-voice to send her valid messages (that she really has done nothing wrong and that all of that judgment is invalid), she will absorb the judgment. She will also believe everything the diet industry tells her. Oh, what's the harm in that? It's not like the diet industry is going to lie to her, right? A multi-billion dollar industry (that preys on women not trusting their feelings), knows that if you successfully lose weight, you won't need to buy their product. If you (collectively) don't buy their product, they are out of business. The diet industry in the largest culprit in America in deceiving women to not trust themselves. These lies sound like this - "You make bad choices on your own", "Let us make all the decisions for you", "You have no will power", "You have excuses", "You are lazy", "You are not smart enough to do it on your own", "You can't make decisions for yourself." Every time you sign up to follow a diet plan - this is what is communicated - "Follow this menu and this routine that we spell out for you, since you're not smart enough to make your own decisions for yourself. If you don't lose weight, then it's your own fault for being lazy, having excuses and having no will power." Is it any wonder why we find it so difficult to lose weight? These under-lying messages exist in the very nature of diet programs and are being sent to us constantly. The "diet challenge" you took on with a team, the fitness trainer who you've hired to "kick your ass" at the gym, or nutritionist to tell you exactly what to eat - it's not personally their fault, and they can be the nicest person in the world, but by hiring someone to beat you into submission in your nutrition or fitness, you have entered into the relationship with these messages of not trusting yourself on the table from the get-go. Hiring someone for help and instruction can be very beneficial; I've done it myself and I have been able to take away a lot from it. However, I never submitted myself to letting anyone else's "routine" or "plan" trump my feelings. My feelings were my guiding light in what I wanted to do. Your feelings do matter. They always matter. When you can trust that your feelings are involuntary and your feelings are reactions to your experiences, and silence all the other voices from outside, you will begin to see the valid indicators and hear the messages your feelings bring to you. When you can do this - you can lose weight easily. The one common denominator to all of our weight loss success stories - they have healed their hearts by un-silencing their own feelings. They know they can trust themselves. When they trust themselves, they have weight loss mastery. Trusting herself is the one common denominator of every woman with weight loss mastery. The power of a woman loving another woman is undeniable. I'm not talking about a sexual love, but an emotional, spiritual and life-giving love. Why is this kind of love the most powerful love of all? Because the love that creates, feeds, shields, protects, and covers you is the mother's love, a love that will heal you. Let's metaphorically link a woman's love to that of a womb, the body part that only a woman has, the very origin of motherhood. The womb is life-giving. It creates a new life, feeds it, then shields, protects and covers it with unconditional love. And the woman cannot control what her body is automatically going to do, (unconditionally), for this embryo, then fetus inside of her. Her body is automatically going to nourish and grow the fetus growing inside of her until 9 months later, the birth of a baby occurs. That's just science. Now with all that understood, imagine receiving that kind of unconditional love. Automatically. The power of a woman receiving this kind of "womb love" is going to give birth to a new life, let's call it her "Venus", a life living in love, relationship and beauty. Let me tell you how I received this unconditional love, birthed my Venus through my deepest wound, and how I was healed. My greatest dream, heart's desire and life purpose to be a perfect mother was shattered when my womb failed to carry my first pregnancy to full-term. At only 6 and 1/2 months, I gave birth via emergency c-section to a premature, medically distressed baby that entered the world barely surviving because my womb rejected him. That really sums up the medical conditions that inflicted me (toxemia and the H.E.L.L.P. syndrome, the womb basically rejects the baby.) I gave birth to not only a premature baby, but a baby small-for-size because my womb failed to nourish him properly (Intrauterine growth restriction.) It failed to feed him and failed to carry him; my womb had completely failed. Technically, my womb almost killed my own child, the very thing I longed to create, feed, shield, protect and cover. Illness, disaster, trauma, and near-death destroyed all of these things. His life began on life-support. I had failed. I now had a very deep wound, not only physically cut through my core, but now emotionally and spiritually, cut to the core of my heart and soul. Logically, my brain understood what the doctors and nurses told me, that it wasn't my fault. But you would never be able to convince my heart of that. A mother's heart will forever feel the shame, guilt and defeat of failure to protect her baby. I spent many hours, days, months, and years wondering what I had done wrong. With my baby's life at stake, and with the information, that even though he'll probably survive, he'll be at risk for many things, like sensory issues, disabilities, cardiac issues, and low intelligence; in other words, a difficult life, and my heart was overwhelmed with guilt. And sure enough, at 4 years old, he developed neurological issues that would make his life difficult and affect the rest of his life. For years, I continued to ask myself -Did I not eat nutritionally enough during my pregnancy? Was it because I had struggled with bulimia before? Was it because I was smoking before I got pregnant? Was it because I was fat? After all, I had "hogged" all the food I ate during my pregnancy and had not fed him enough in-utero. The self-judgment was endless. Years later, after the birth of another premature baby, I was begging my doctor for a hysterectomy (take a knife, cut me open and take this uterus out.) I was now that embittered against my own womb. I no longer wanted this womb that was a disastrous excuse for a mother's unconditional love to be a part of me. He said I didn't medically need a hysterectomy; I insisted I had enough medical history and problems to justify it, and I successfully convinced him to do the surgery. I was only 34 years old and had a hysterectomy, the good ol' fashion kind, with a major abdominal incision, that left me with "hormones out of whack", a damaged nerve on my left leg, and fear I had just made another mistake that would affect the rest of my life. Afterwards, I gained even more weight. I was depressed. I was miserable. At 35, and 220 Lbs, I hit my knees, in complete misery from my depression and weight gain, uttering the only words I could utter "God help me." It was perhaps at that moment, that what some understand as the "Holy Spirit interceding" occurred. When the anguish is so great, and you don't have the words, there is intercession on your behalf. I said, "God help me." And God received, "Send her an angel. Send her an angel that appears as a beautiful woman, a vision of the beautiful woman she will become, with a perfect womb. Restore what she has lost. Send her an angel of love that will create, feed, shield, protect and cover her." This love, this beautiful angel came to me and gave me all the things a womb gives (new life, nourishment, protection, shielding, and covering) and I was able to give birth to my Venus - love, relationship and beauty. It was this love that created, fed, shielded, protected, and covered me that healed me. I lost 90 lbs. The Losing Coach coaches are these kind of angels that create a womb for all of our clients to birth their own Venus. This womb that gives unconditional love is what sets us apart from everything else. All you need to do is ask for help, intercession will be made on your behalf, and your angel will appear as a beautiful woman there to love you, because the power of a woman loving another woman is undeniable. Hunger is a feeling that indicates what you want - "I want fed." This can be literal hunger - the desire to be fed more food, or a metaphorical hunger - desire to be fed anything. This hunger, or appetite, for anything, can be stimulated by different things, but obviously, it is mostly stimulated by not having enough. It's furthermore stimulated by having just a little taste of what you desire. Everyone knows once you have a taste of something you enjoy, or benefit from, it can make you hungry for more. When I was a relatively new realtor, a friend of mine referred me to her friends and said "She's a hungry realtor." Because of that, they were eager to work with me. What she had communicated to them in my "hunger" was that I wanted to be fed, I didn't have enough; I wanted them as clients. So they understood that as my clients, they would be very important to me; I would pay attention to them, and I would work very hard for them. Immediately understanding what was implied in being a "hungry realtor", they instantly hired me. They intuitively understood my hunger would serve them well, and it did. Hunger is a driving force. As I was talking on the phone with a client who has lost 40 lbs in just over three months with The Losing Coach, she said, "The Losing Coach has made me hungry for love." It was truly one of the most profound feedback about this program I have received. I realized at that moment, all that her statement implied. We had given her a taste of something she didn't have enough of, something she enjoyed, something that was feeding her, something she was benefiting from. She was hungry for love. This is now her driving force. This is what makes her weight loss important to her; what makes her pay attention to it, and what has made her work hard. This is why she has lost 40 lbs. Love. She only needed a taste of it. Once she tasted it, she became hungry for more. Her hunger has served her well. So be hungry for love. Written by one of our clients: My weight has been a burden on me for so many years. I thought about it ALL the time. Throughout my life I have heard so many different opinions about what it took to lose weight. And I have seen others lose weight through different methods or diets but I always saw them rebound with the weight after a short time. I felt like I knew everything that it took to lose the weight that haunted me but I didn’t know which method was right or which combination of methods I should use. The day of my Losing Coach workshop I was still skeptical about what method they were going to teach me because I wasn’t really sure there could be some NEW process that would actually work. What I found at the workshop was that I indeed already had everything I needed to make permanent weight loss an option for me. I just didn’t know it. Not only am I losing more weight now than I could imagine, I no longer obsess about which weight loss method I should use. It’s just that easy and powerful. I compare it to a magic show. When I go back and try to remember how I obsessed for so many hours and struggled over what to do to actually lose weight for good, I picture myself having a big ring full of keys with each key representing a weight loss method or diet plan. I was frantically trying each key in the lock that represented my fat body. The desperation of having all these keys and running them through my brain each day wore me out. Tore me down. And left me very discouraged. I was doomed forever in this weight I could not shed. I really didn’t know the answer. Since the workshop, it is so clear to me what The Losing Coach did for me. They lovingly told me I was using the wrong ring full of keys. And man, were they heavy. They showed me I could put that ring down and never reach for any key on it again. They wouldn’t fit the lock anyhow. And beyond that, they showed me that if I just looked in my other hand I already had a lighter ring of one key with seven gems that for sure would unlock the lock I had desperately been trying to open. When I think of you, Shelley, and the miracle you and the other coaches have already done in my life, I see this key. You have unlocked my overburdened life with the key of love. Thank you for replacing the heavy ring of keys that weighed me down and left me hopeless. My lock is open now. I’ve been set free! Love was strolling through the garden and Fear came along and said, "Don't stroll along here! In fact, I don't like you, so get out of here! But Love said, "But I love it here." Fear said, "There's nothing to love here, but indeed, you should fear. Fear that you will prick your finger on a rose bush! But worse than that, you will trip over a stone, and be in great pain when you fall! And you know, Love, when you fall, you feel great pain!" Love said, "I don't feel that fear." Fear got enraged and screamed, "You try to act like I don't exist, so I reject you!" Love said, "So be it." And every day Fear would come to the garden to say to Love, "I reject you!" And every day Love would say, "So be it, but still I am here." Fear would scream and Fear would challenge Love, but Love was immovable. Finally, Fear confessed to Love one day, "Love, I fear you." Love confessed back to Fear, "Fear, I love you." And with that, Love surrounded Fear and held Fear close to Love's heart. Love asked Fear, "Are you okay?" Fear said, "I have no more power; I feel like I have fallen." Love said, "Indeed. See, Fear, the truth is, I have fallen many times before, and yes, it hurts. I don't like the pain, but I know it so well, I don't fear it; it always makes me stronger, more resilient and more powerful. You have feared my power so much, you rejected me. You Fear, are the only one that has ever rejected me. But just remember, when I fall, I feel great pain; when you fall, you feel great love." "Just tell me how to lose weight!" I love when I hear this, as though I can answer that in one sentence! Or yet alone, even one hour! Our first coaching session to get women started in the process is three hours long! And that's just to get them started! It takes at least 6 and 1/2 hours to get them through the entire Seven Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery. But why can't I just answer the question? It's not that I'm trying to keep a secret from anyone; it's not that I'm "holding back" so you'll sign up for coaching. I'm not even trying to be "mysterious" (see photo. :)) to lure people in. It's that I can't answer that question without telling you everything involved in the process. It wasn't just one thing. And I know that disappoints people that I can't give them "the one answer", that magic bullet they so desperately want to hold onto. There is no magic bullet and I can't explain the process to you without leading you through it. And that is an investment of time and energy for both us. So when people ask me how do you lose weight, I say "You know how to lose weight." They look at me like they really don't. I say "Oh, if you just really want to know HOW to lose weight, sure I can tell you that. I can tell you in one sentence. Even better, I can tell you in two words, then you can be on your way and please don't hire me." They look at me with eager anticipation of the magical answer they are about to receive and I say slowly for them... "Eat..... less!" They laugh, they smile and they nod their head yes. Then I say, "There you go... now go do it!" :) It's not that easy. And I know that. If it were that easy to "now go do it" then no one would be asking me how to do it. Lovely ladies, it's really not difficult and it's not complicated. It is actually pretty easy to tell you the truth. It is indeed, an investment in time and energy for you to focus on this for yourself. I am more than happy to invest my time and energy leading you through. Come talk to me and find out more! The Losing Coach likens the experience of a woman's weight struggle to a P.O.W. camp. And that is exactly what it is like. You feel like a prisoner, completely imprisoned and trapped inside a body you can't get out of. When I was 220 lbs, I intuitively knew, no matter, no way, no how, no matter what I did right now at this moment, I couldn't be thin tomorrow. And it was the overwhelming frustration of that truth that paralyzed me and kept me inside this prison. But I eventually took one leap of faith and got out, and I'm here to tell you "It's this way." How did I get out? I'll be honest with you, I didn't know at the time, that's why it was a real leap of faith. When you are imprisoned in a camp for so long, you don't know where you are or what route will lead to freedom. I knew the risks and dangers in leaving the camp; I didn't know what was out there, what wild animals would attack, or what storms would hit. I would be completely alone to fend for myself, no guarantee of food, water, or shelter. But I knew if I stayed, I would die. I asked a friend to come with me. She refused. So, I waited till the right timing, it was "Do or Die!" and then all alone, secretly, and silently crawled beneath the fence to face the dark night alone. Then I bolted out of there like a bat out of hell and ran as fast as I could through the jungle. I'm honestly telling you, I didn't know the route in such unfamiliar territory. I heard bullets flying overhead and voices calling me back. Yet as I continued to keep my eye on the freedom I longed for, I pressed forward; I stayed low, and the clearing got wider and wider, the voices dimmed, and darkness turned into light. I weathered a few storms and survived to making it to complete freedom and safety. I got out. Unknowingly to me at the time, I found the route to freedom! Some say I was a pioneer. Some say I got very lucky. Some say it was divinely inspired. But I got out and now I knew the way out, a safe way out, and held the map to this route. What happened next is the magic of The Losing Coach story. When Erin came along, I asked her if she would like me to help her get out. She said "No. I'm fine." as she had tried so many times before to escape, and had come to accept her imprisonment as her lot in life. But then I promised her. "I can help you." See, I knew the way out, so I could promise her. She said no again. But I heard her heart screaming "YES!" and I said in a very quiet voice, "It's this way." Simply by hearing my voice "Trust me, it's this way", she too, crawled under the fence by herself onto the same escape route. The journey was similar and I was there to say, "Erin, stay low, the bullets won't hit you." "Erin, do not pay attention to the voices calling you back." "Erin, don't worry, the storm will pass." "Erin, the clearing gets wider, trust me, the light is coming soon." Erin followed and Erin found freedom. After she did, she looked at me and she said "Shelley, what you have done, what you have found, this is the path to freedom! This is the way! This path is one every woman can take to get out and get out safely. You have to go back and help as many women as we can! This is your calling." Here at The Losing Coach, I will go back for ANY woman that wants out. Just listen to my voice, "It's this way..." One of my favorite moments in The Losing Coach weight loss process is after the client has been through the intensive, transformational, and powerful session, known as "The first coaching session" and is back for week two and is pumped and excited about their initial weight loss of 4 or 5 pounds the first week, and I get to ask a very poignant question. We often lead our clients through role-plays and imaginary scenarios so they can find the answer within themselves, as this is more powerful than just telling them the answer.
So I say, "Let me ask you something. You have just lost 5 Lbs and that is great, but let's say you leave here today, and as you're pulling out into this dangerous intersection here at the corner, God forbid, you get hit by a truck and killed... What would this 5 Lb weight loss mean? They sit there silent for a minute, and then answer "Nothing." And I say, "Exactly." I can sense they are somewhat stunned, that I, as their weight loss coach, would point out that their successful efforts would mean nothing. And then I say, "THIS is your faith. This is your faith that your life will continue. You don't live like you will die today. In essence, you live like there is a purpose to your life. You actually have faith that you will live to see tomorrow and your weight loss WILL mean something. This is walking the walk and talking the talk, girlfriend. This is faith and works, because one without the other is dead." It's a very romantic idea to "live like you're dying" as the song says, but, in all reality, if we really lived like every day was our last, if we didn't have any faith that we would live to see tomorrow, then the consequences of our actions today(either beneficial or detrimental or both) would really be inconsequential. Hence, there would be no reason to care about taking care of our bodies at all. I say, if you really think today is your last day, then you might as well eat it up, drink it up and sex it up tonight, and forget about trying to lose weight, because it's not going to matter. Your faith in believing that your life will continue and in the OUTCOME, in the MEANING, in the GREATER PURPOSE of your weight loss in your life is what matters. That is what faith has to do with it. EVERYTHING. If I have in any way been able to explain to you how the brain controls your appetite, I would be remiss to not go deeper and talk about what fuels the brain. In our physical bodies, the heart pumps blood to the brain so the brain can make all the voluntary and involuntary decisions we need to live. The brain controls everything, but the heart fuels the brain. And so it is in this weight loss process. We respect the power of the brain, without neglecting the source of the heart. Without the source of fuel from the heart, the brain dies. So your heart is the life-giving source for your brain in controlling your appetite. You must emotionally pump fuel to your brain/your brain's decisions. But what exactly does that mean and what is this fuel? That means in order for your brain to make the necessary decisions in controlling your appetite, you must emotionally support it. You must feel love. For yourself. The fuel is LOVE. I know, in words, this is so trite. In practice, this is the most powerful energy source of the entire universe that you can tap into. But how does one tap into it? Really? We can talk about it, preach about it, and read about it all day long, but how does one really tap into this all-encompassing, unconditional, saving grace of love? In our first coaching session, we lead our clients through a very powerful exercise that leads them to the core essence of this love. They tap into it, they touch it, they feel it and it becomes real to them in a way that they were not aware of before. Call it weight loss redemption or salvation, it's the same principle. The heart is at the heart of this. From my last blog, you may be asking, "If my brain controls it all, then why do my senses, these physical sensations and reactions I cannot control, still increase my appetite?" Well they can. If you smell something delicious, it can increase your desire for that food, certainly. But only if your brain allows you to process that stimulated sense (mmm... smell something good...) into an increased appetite. Our senses, although they are physical sensations, are still processed through our neurological system (our brain.) Think about when your stomach is empty and you feel hungry, and someone in the kitchen has made your favorite meal.... BUT... you have the stomach flu. You are nauseated and have no desire to eat that food; even as hungry as you are, you have no appetite. Although your sense of smell is stimulated (dinner smells delicious), the body knows your digestive system cannot handle any more food, so it sends a message to the brain *feel nauseated*, so the brain will control your appetite. Likewise, what about when you're full and you still want to eat more? Everyone with any kind of serious weight issue knows what I am talking about. You physically are full, yet your desire for more food is very real. It is not your stomach, but your brain, controlling your appetite. Ultimately the brain processes all the senses, stimulation, and messages and controls your appetite. You know that you can lose weight if you can control your appetite. And you CAN control your appetite if you can control your brain. How can you control your brain? By creating new patterns in it. Create new patterns in your brain for your brain to follow by training the brain. Not by tricking it, not by lying to it, not by trying to deny it. Train the brain to think truthfully and logically in regards to food and appetite, bringing respect, understanding and awareness to the forefront of your mind.
Lemon merengue pie in my refrigerator.
Temptation. The one thing, no perfect diet plan, routine, or good intentions can withstand, if we succumb to our temptations. I'll paraphrase simply what temptation is when you're on a diet - an increased desire for food (appetite) that is outside of what you otherwise intend to eat. You know, when you see or smell something and your senses are stimulated, causing your desire to increase, you face temptation, a physical stimulation that is very difficult to resist (or so we believe.) One day I was cleaning up the kitchen. I opened up the refrigerator to put something away, and to my surprise (my husband went to the grocery store the night before), I see a lemon merengue pie in the refrigerator. I thought nothing of it, as I don't like lemon merengue pie, and continued to clean up the kitchen. As I'm cleaning, I go to throw something away, look down in the trash can and see a box. A pie box. A pie box that said "Banana Cream Pie." And I thought to myself, "Now that's a horse of a different color!", because I love banana cream pie! All of a sudden, my mouth started watering and I had an appetite for that pie, the pie I had already seen, and felt no desire for two minutes ago. So I asked myself, where does this sudden increased appetite/temptation come from? What was causing me to desire this pie all of a sudden? It wasn't sight; I had seen it and didn't want it. It wasn't smell; my face was looking in a trash can. It wasn't even a simple desire to just eat pie. I realized the only thing that caused my appetite to increase at that moment was a memory. The memory that I think banana cream pie is delicious. And that's it. And that simple. My brain - all my thoughts, beliefs, knowledge, reactions, and memories - controls my desire for food (appetite.) My brain controls it all. The only way to control your appetite is to control the brain. We train the brain to use mental strategies in our weight loss coaching. One of those strategies is higher awareness. When I became aware that my appetite was stimulated from memory and memory alone, I was able to talk to myself about that. Self-dialogue is another very effective strategy. "Yes, I do think banana cream pie is delicious. I have great memories of eating banana cream pie with my grandmother. I know what it tastes like. I don't need to eat it right now to remember the taste; it is delicious, I know it is. I've eaten it before, and I'll eat it again in the future, I am sure, so I don't have to eat it right now." Look at your temptations square in the eye, don't run from them or resist them; over-power them. Your brain is more powerful in controlling your appetite than anything else. It is the only thing controlling your appetite. Ever feel like committing to a diet is like committing to a lifetime of saying no to things you once enjoyed? In essence, that you must "marry" this diet menu, this routine, this plan? Never again, will you indulge in things you loved, like pizza or ice cream, nor should you look at it, lest you lust after it. So "say goodbye" tonight is how you feel before every diet... is this why the night before you start a new diet is like a bachelorette party in the kitchen? And every time you cheat feels like adultery? So SHAME on you? With this mentality, this ball and chain is... a ball and chain. You know that this marriage will be miserable, just like the last. This diet now creates so much anxiety in you, you divorce immediately. But only to marry again. When it comes to diets, you feel like Henry the 8th with the number of times you've heard "Speak now or forever hold your peace." What marriage are you on now? This "marriage" mentality, tied in with shame and judgment for your "straying", is why you've never found the freedom you long for with your diet and your weight. So how do you get free? You release yourself of this ball and chain and for the first time, stop "holding" your peace... and finally just give yourself peace! Give yourself the peace you need with your body, yourself, and your diet! We have been duped, by the diet industry, into believing there is no way we can lose weight on our own. The formula for weight loss is, of course, very complex. I mean, it has to be so complicated, otherwise, big companies wouldn't be spending millions of dollars researching and inventing ways to help "cure" America's obesity epidemic. Personally, I believe the only reason there is any research done on obesity is because there is BIG, I mean, BIG, HUGE money to be made in selling you a drug or a product. They really need you to believe that you, the average person, cannot do it on your own without help from a doctor, a pill, a supervised program, intense workout routine, etc. If this is true, then I, Shelley Johnson, must have beat ALL the odds and been divinely blessed from angel dust that magically transformed my body in a 90 lb weight loss. However, I can tell you, it certainly wasn't magic dust. Listen carefully, I can tell you what I did. I used something, alright; I used the most powerful thing in the world. I bought not any product, I believed in not anyone else, and I used no routine. The only thing I used was my brain. And the first thing my brain did was tell the diet industry, "I'm not buying it." Trust me, I hate to state the obvious; I just implore you to think about it. If any diet product you've ever bought really worked, why are you not thin already? It's not your fault. YOU have the power to lose weight. You are simply looking for where to plug into that power. It is NOT in a diet product. Don't buy it. Invest in yourself and yourself alone, because the power is in you. All you need is your brain. |
AuthorShelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®. Archives
May 2020
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