A Woman's Love
The power of a woman loving another woman is undeniable. I'm not talking about a sexual love, but an emotional, spiritual and life-giving love. Why is this kind of love the most powerful love of all? Because the love that creates, feeds, shields, protects, and covers you is the mother's love, a love that will heal you.
Let's metaphorically link a woman's love to that of a womb, the body part that only a woman has, the very origin of motherhood. The womb is life-giving. It creates a new life, feeds it, then shields, protects and covers it with unconditional love. And the woman cannot control what her body is automatically going to do, (unconditionally), for this embryo, then fetus inside of her. Her body is automatically going to nourish and grow the fetus growing inside of her until 9 months later, the birth of a baby occurs. That's just science.
Now with all that understood, imagine receiving that kind of unconditional love. Automatically. The power of a woman receiving this kind of "womb love" is going to give birth to a new life, let's call it her "Venus", a life living in love, relationship and beauty. Let me tell you how I received this unconditional love, birthed my Venus through my deepest wound, and how I was healed.
My greatest dream, heart's desire and life purpose to be a perfect mother was shattered when my womb failed to carry my first pregnancy to full-term. At only 6 and 1/2 months, I gave birth via emergency c-section to a premature, medically distressed baby that entered the world barely surviving because my womb rejected him. That really sums up the medical conditions that inflicted me (toxemia and the H.E.L.L.P. syndrome, the womb basically rejects the baby.) I gave birth to not only a premature baby, but a baby small-for-size because my womb failed to nourish him properly (Intrauterine growth restriction.) It failed to feed him and failed to carry him; my womb had completely failed. Technically, my womb almost killed my own child, the very thing I longed to create, feed, shield, protect and cover. Illness, disaster, trauma, and near-death destroyed all of these things. His life began on life-support. I had failed. I now had a very deep wound, not only physically cut through my core, but now emotionally and spiritually, cut to the core of my heart and soul.
Logically, my brain understood what the doctors and nurses told me, that it wasn't my fault. But you would never be able to convince my heart of that. A mother's heart will forever feel the shame, guilt and defeat of failure to protect her baby. I spent many hours, days, months, and years wondering what I had done wrong. With my baby's life at stake, and with the information, that even though he'll probably survive, he'll be at risk for many things, like sensory issues, disabilities, cardiac issues, and low intelligence; in other words, a difficult life, and my heart was overwhelmed with guilt. And sure enough, at 4 years old, he developed neurological issues that would make his life difficult and affect the rest of his life. For years, I continued to ask myself -Did I not eat nutritionally enough during my pregnancy? Was it because I had struggled with bulimia before? Was it because I was smoking before I got pregnant? Was it because I was fat? After all, I had "hogged" all the food I ate during my pregnancy and had not fed him enough in-utero. The self-judgment was endless.
Years later, after the birth of another premature baby, I was begging my doctor for a hysterectomy (take a knife, cut me open and take this uterus out.) I was now that embittered against my own womb. I no longer wanted this womb that was a disastrous excuse for a mother's unconditional love to be a part of me. He said I didn't medically need a hysterectomy; I insisted I had enough medical history and problems to justify it, and I successfully convinced him to do the surgery. I was only 34 years old and had a hysterectomy, the good ol' fashion kind, with a major abdominal incision, that left me with "hormones out of whack", a damaged nerve on my left leg, and fear I had just made another mistake that would affect the rest of my life. Afterwards, I gained even more weight. I was depressed. I was miserable.
At 35, and 220 Lbs, I hit my knees, in complete misery from my depression and weight gain, uttering the only words I could utter "God help me." It was perhaps at that moment, that what some understand as the "Holy Spirit interceding" occurred. When the anguish is so great, and you don't have the words, there is intercession on your behalf. I said, "God help me." And God received, "Send her an angel. Send her an angel that appears as a beautiful woman, a vision of the beautiful woman she will become, with a perfect womb. Restore what she has lost. Send her an angel of love that will create, feed, shield, protect and cover her."
This love, this beautiful angel came to me and gave me all the things a womb gives (new life, nourishment, protection, shielding, and covering) and I was able to give birth to my Venus - love, relationship and beauty. It was this love that created, fed, shielded, protected, and covered me that healed me. I lost 90 lbs. The Losing Coach coaches are these kind of angels that create a womb for all of our clients to birth their own Venus. This womb that gives unconditional love is what sets us apart from everything else. All you need to do is ask for help, intercession will be made on your behalf, and your angel will appear as a beautiful woman there to love you, because the power of a woman loving another woman is undeniable.
2/22/2014 06:24:04 am
What a beautiful brutally honest story from your heart! This brought tears to my eyes Shell. I am glad you are not in that dark place any more.
2/22/2014 06:32:14 am
Thank you Judi - I appreciate that! :) And I am so, so very grateful myself too!
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Shelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®.