One of my barriers to weight loss has been my husband (himself 30 pounds overweight, but still pretty athletic). He pesters me about exercise at least once a week, gives me disapproving looks and at least one innuendo a day.
In the past this has made me react...sometimes to move, sometimes to rebel & not move...often to resent. Sometimes to revenge-eat.
We used to be a very active couple (hiking, biking, skiing, etc).
I want to be active again, and will be, but his constant digging is undermining my progress.
I want to be silent about this. There is such power in keeping it to myself.
But last night (on our "date night"), when he confronted me about not being in shape to go hiking/cycling/whatever-he-wants-to-do-this-weekend-or-any-other- time, I couldn't just look away & say nothing.
We were supposedly "talking" ... trying to work out some of our issues.
I said, "I'm taking care of it." To which he smirked sarcastically.
So did his dig this morning. "You should really start exercising again." Said to me before I had even fully awakened.
I went to bed so happy last night (after watching one of the lessons in Online Coaching) saying to myself over & over, "It's working & I'm losing."
No one else bugs me about this. Just him. What do I do?
Thanks & hugs!
Can you relate to this? Me too!! Here's what I told this precious woman:
I know this is going to sound crazy.... but you asked me what to do....
What to do?
Say THANK YOU.
Seriously. I know... he pesters and bugs you... but the point is to END the conversation as soon as possible. Because that is what will help you.
We need to minimize the arrows that get thrown at you, and if you try to argue back or even say, "Shut up!", those things will only fuel more oxygen to the conversation.
The only thing that will end it is saying, "You're right. Thank you."
Listen, this is not about who is right or who is wrong (he is clearly not being nice).... it's about HELPING YOU succeed!!!
I have been through all of this.... and trust me, just say, "You're right, thank you."
That really should end the conversation. If the conversation does continue, saying, "You're right, thank you" will at least take him off the offensive, and continue in a more gentle way.
Saying, "You're right. Thank you," will really grow your "silent confidence" on the INSIDE!! All you need right now is silent confidence on the inside.... that's it. No trying to prove anything, no arguing, let him think he's "the man", whatever.... this is not about him... it's about you!! :)
Much LOVE to you... xoxo... hope this helps!
I am here to help any woman, any time, succeed at weight loss. This woman who wrote me purchased our Online Coaching. It comes with email support from me...just like what you read above.
Get Online Coaching for yourself today. I'm here for you!
3 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back
I don't know what is going on with me!! I keep waking up in the morning with the expectation that I will focus on my weight in a healthy way and take care of myself, and then I end up doing the opposite! I cannot believe I can lose my confidence so quickly. My confidence is seriously shaken here. I just don't know what is going on.
I just feel like I'm very much on my own here, and I don't want to throw in the towel after the time and effort I've put into my weight loss. Honestly, I am so embarrassed that I'm not being stronger here. I haven't gained any weight, but lately I have been eating sooooo much more than I need that I know a gain is coming soon.
Please. What do I do???
This is an email I just received last night from a precious woman. It could actually be from every woman who contacts me. It could be from myself even. I have said these very things to myself. Erin has said these things to me. We all experience this.
Here's my reply:
Nothing is wrong. All is okay!!! It's okay, seriously. I promise.
You've experienced 3 steps forward, 2 steps back; just like it was for me.
You will not be throwing in the towel.
Here's what I want you to do. Follow these instructions:
1. Go stand against the wall on one side of your room.
2. Take 3 steps forward.
3. Take 2 steps back.
4. Take 3 steps forward.
5. Take 2 steps back.
6. Take 3 steps forward.
7. Take 2 steps back.
Did you get to the other side of the room?
Your answer reveals your weight loss journey!!! :)
It doesn't matter if you see a gain soon. It's okay. It just means you're ready to take 3 steps forward now!! :)
Permanent weight loss is about 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.
One of the reasons people don't experience permanent weight loss is because they didn't know the reality of the 3 Steps Forward and 2 Steps Back Principle.
Weight loss is a journey of one step at a time. It's a process. There's no magic pill or hidden biology to be discovered. We don't need more research into this.
What we need is LOVE and GRACE.
When someone experiences the 2-Steps-Back part of the journey, they think something's wrong with them, and they're a failure. They throw in the towel, succumbing to the lie that permanent weight loss is impossible.
The key is to recognize your current location. When you can see where you are in the journey, you'll know what step to take next.
I'd love to help you apply the 3 Steps Forward and 2 Steps Back Principle for yourself. Take my Online Course and connect with me for support.
It's this way...
Successful Weight Loss
Successful weight loss. We all want it!
And now, I'm going to tell you some raw truth about it ... Not everyone is going to like your weight loss.
I know. You think everyone will be happy for you. I mean, how could they not be?
Often our clients are faced with the shock of discovering that a few friends and/or family members start to act differently after their successful weight loss ... They start to act jealous.
This can create tension that slowly builds over time. Eventually they say things like, "You've changed." Or even, "I liked you better fat."
These are the very words I heard from a few people that just couldn't handle the change in me.
But it's more than just change; it's a shift of power.
Trust me, successful weight loss can be a threat to friends and family.
This is because you become more powerful as more of your glory is revealed. Not just through your physical change, but through your confidence and joy.
Sometimes you work through this rift in the relationship, sometimes not. The result in a strengthened or weakened relationship depends on the people. And yes, these people are other women.
Women will be jealous.
And men will notice you.
Know that your weight has, in many ways, protected you from men.
Most women, in one way or another, at one point (or more) in their lives, have experienced pain from men. They've been used, abused or rejected by a man (or men). The extra weight has protected them from experiencing these painful emotions again, as it has provided a cocoon.
This is why the restoration of LOVE through self-compassion, and the removal of judgment are so very important. It will heal your heart and bring you to the place of no longer needing the cocoon to protect yourself.
The exciting news is the result of what actually happens after you work through the shift of power.
As you come out of your cocoon with glory and joy, and carry the energy of confidence from losing weight successfully ... YOU WILL EARN EVERYONE'S RESPECT.
If it's time for you to come out of the cocoon, begin the 7 Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery today! You will love it!! I promise.
Shelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®.