Women trust me. They tell me a lot of things. They share their deepest darkest secrets with me and I hold them all, I keep them all. Many women, many secrets. From the woman whose husband is in love with another woman, to the woman in love with another woman's husband, they share their heart's deepest wounds and deepest desires. I help them make sense of it all with peace and understanding.
So I know a lot of things. Things about the truth of a woman's heart, mind and soul that are rarely shared publicly. So I'm going to share who a woman really is, what's really in her heart, and what she really wants.
A woman is a partner, a daughter, a mother, and a sister, whether in reality or not, she possesses these identities; and these roles play a part in defining her value to herself and what she perceives as her value to society. If she longs for a partnership or has been hurt by a partnership, she's hiding deep pain that she doesn't want the world to know about. The childless woman, either by choice or not, has spent many years grappling with this and accepting the reality of this void. The mother with children, here or gone, will know the depths of a broken heart that being a mother will bring. The woman with a broken relationship with a parent or a sibling carries deep wounds that, unless healed, will cause her ongoing fear, anger and distrust. Healing is the key and this is what I help her do. A woman is a little girl who had lots of dreams and ideas of how life was supposed to turn out, and well, it didn't turn out the way she hoped. She's been hurt, used, abused, and mistreated. This is who a woman really is.
I know what's in a woman's heart. LOVE. Underneath all the pain and judgment she has absorbed, there is LOVE. Pure LOVE. LOVE does four things. LOVE cares, comforts, provides and protects. Once she sees, believes and FEELS this LOVE inside of her, she can start to heal and start to harness the power to do and be everything she wants. This is what I help her do. I focus on one thing and one thing only - getting her to experience the LOVE already inside her heart. It's beautiful really. A woman's heart. Truly beautiful.
Which is what she really wants...TO BE BEAUTIFUL. This is the most simple, purest truth among ALL women I've had the privilege to coach... no matter her identity, age, weight, race, status, or sexual orientation. The truth is, even if she tries to act like she doesn't care about being beautiful, it's simply not true... down deep she LONGS to feel and be beautiful. EVERY. WOMAN. It is her heart's deepest longing, to look in the mirror, to love what she sees, and feel beautiful. To have her dignity restored and stand with dignity. Like a princess. With dignity. This is what every woman wants. She needs her dignity restored. Which is why I wrote about my secret in My Secret Escape: Restore Your Dignity, Transform Your Body. It's not just about weight loss; it's about EVERY woman feeling beautiful. Why? It's simple. It's powerful. It's what she really wants.
My Secret Escape: Restore Your Dignity, Transform Your Body is available at these retailers:
AMAZON WALMART BARNES & NOBLE KOBO WANDERLUST STUDIO
See that woman in the photo? That's ME, Shelley. At 220 pounds. I know how you feel right now. Just how I felt in this photo. A little insecure and uncertain, but mostly overwhelmed. You just feel overwhelmed.
You are overwhelmed...with all the "eat this" and "eat that", "don't do this" and "don't do that."
All of the diet industry advice, from what you should eat, to how often you should eat, to what combination of food you should eat has left you wondering what to do and where to start.
I need to remove this confusion immediately. You feel trapped and we need to get you out, so you can take your first step forward.
I started by doing this one thing, and it's simple. You're going to do the same thing.
This is the beginning of your weight loss success! Read on to find out about how and why ignoring diet industry advice will help you lose weight and then complete the Ignore Diet Industry Advice Worksheet.
Do ONE Thing to Lose Weight NOW
(Or Really, The One Thing You Should Never Do if You Want to Lose Weight)
I talk with a group of women who are following, know, and have had success with the Losing Coach Process about the one thing they should never do when they want to lose weight.
I do a role-playing exercise with my friend, Erin, to demonstrate how overwhelming the enormous amount of information on weight loss is to most women. Read on to see how I make sense of the absurdity of trying all this conflicting stuff and keeping it up for the rest of your life.
I have a simple, effective alternative for you, it’s this way…
Shelley: The one thing you should never do... is listen to this! (Holding up piece of paper)
Now I did get this from very reliable sources—a couple of posts on Facebook! (laughing)
This is what you hear out there, I’ve just compiled it.
Erin: Ok, should I get some paper out?
Shelley: Please, take some notes. You ready?
Erin: I am.
Shelley: How to Lose Weight...
Don’t worry about your calories! And make sure you’re eating enough! Eat every two to three hours and pay attention to fat. Be sure to eat the right kind of fat! You need fatty essential acids – not the bad fat.
Erin (frantically taking notes): What’s bad fat?
Shelley: I don’t know, just listen. The trans-fat and saturated fat...
Erin: Eat that?
Shelley: Cut that shit out. (laughing)
Shelley: Give up sugar, alcohol, dairy, red meat, white flour, wheat – that equals inflammation; gluten—that causes bloating, I think that’s about the same thing—I don’t know. Now, eat only…
Erin: There’s still something left to eat?
Shelley: Yes, eat only 4 ounces of lean protein, fish, egg, legumes (leg-oooms, is that how you pronounce it?), beans, and raw or steamed veggies at meals.
Erin, looking confused: Are you going to have a list for me to take home? A menu—something? I mean, this is a lot.
Shelley: (ignoring Erin) IF you eat carbs (laughing) choose low glycemic sweet potatoes, brown rice, etcetera, but go easy on those. No soda, pop, Coke, no matter how you say it, none of that! And, if you can, eat six smaller meals per day, spaced out. Eat lots of fruits and veggies, organic, of course, alkalized with greens.
Erin: How do you alkalize something? Is that legal?
Shelley: Yeah, your body, I don’t know, alkalizes. So, alkalize with greens, like salads with olive oil, and lemon, seafood, soy products, non-GMO. Ah, this is very important—Drink half your body weight, in ounces, of water, with lemon squeezed in a day! (pause for group mental math) You can figure that out. (chuckling)
Erin: How many ounces?
Shelley: Half your body weight. In ounces. Of water. With lemon. Squeezed. In a day. Also, eat right for your type!
Erin: My blood type?
Shelley: Yes, it’s based on blood types, and how foods breakdown, or don’t breakdown, and support your body based on your type. And, get moving!
Erin: Yes! I heard that.
Shelley: Do all of this for a month. Your cravings go down. You gain energy, and you feel so much better. And then, keep going. Keep doing all of this... for the rest of your life.
Erin, after a deep breath: Does that work? (women laughing)
Shelley: You tell me. [to the audience] Does this work?
Women from around the room: No! No! No!
Erin, looking out at the women: Have you tried this to lose weight? (heads nodding yes)
Shelley: You’ve heard all of this, haven’t you? It’s crazy! Which ones have you bought into?
Erin: I tried the blood type one. [in her best caveman voice] I’m a meat-eater! I’m a carnivore! O-positive. (laughing from the room) Lotsa meat! Wow, that was really heavy. A lot of meat, I mean a lot of meat.
Shelley: I used to think it was about the water. I can eat this and that as long as I go drink my water. I am drinking my eight, eight-ounce glasses of water today, so I can eat whatever I want!
Erin: Yeah, I got rid of everything white. That was so intense. Organic, did all that…very intense. Not happy memories for my kids’ childhoods. (laughing from the room)
Shelley: Which other ones did you do?
Erin: Well, I remember when I was a kid, my parents did the beet diet. [to the room] Did you ever do the beet diet where you had to eat the beets? You got a half a cup of ice cream. Every day. That was a big deal. We all sat around the table, watching my Dad scoop out a half a cup of ice cream. (laughing from the room)
Shelley: I did a coaching session with someone recently and we talked about the decades—what you were told to do in each decade. In the 1970’s it was count your calories. In the 1980’s it was cut out sugar. In the 1990’s it was cut out fat. In the 2000’s it was cut out the carbs. What would it be now? It’s cut out all the non-organic.
Erin: Yeah, non-GMO and all that, right? No gluten. Nothing processed.
A participant: The raw diet.
Another participant: And now they’re saying cholesterol is not that bad for you.
Erin: Right, now it’s coming all back around. Don’t even worry about cholesterol anymore!
Another woman: Exercise. You can have whatever you want as long as you exercise.
Erin: Have you all bought into that? I did. It didn’t work. So why doesn’t all this work?
Shelley: All these diets, why don’t they work? It’s not that these don’t work, or that they’re not good advice, but... how can you do it? Eating everything—and nothing? All at the same time. It’s literally impossible. It’s impossible to worry about all of this. It’s like, you just can’t keep track of everything that’s going on here.
Erin: What does it make people feel like?
Shelley: Like “I can’t do this!” This is impossible! Overwhelmed. It is that feeling of “I’ve got so much to worry about” and you can’t even get started then because you’re worried about too many things. And literally, I’ve got to analyze all of this for twenty minutes before I can make a decision about what to eat to see if it fits into this “Do this, don’t do that. Eat this, don’t eat that.” Am I eating six small meals a day, every two to three hours? Oh my gosh, it’s been too many hours, I’ve screwed up my metabolism now, I might as well just quit.
Erin: Yeah, have you tried to do it in the midst of your job? In the midst of going to school? In the midst of kids, in the midst of parents, in the midst of paying bills… to add one more thing to your plate? No pun intended. That overwhelmed feeling. Do you still feel that way? Do you still sometimes go “oh my gosh, I’m so overwhelmed”? When it comes to your weight… Is that a predominant feeling?
Participant: Not any more. Now I only have one thing to worry about. It’s journaling what I eat and making sure it falls under a certain calorie amount at the end of the day. And I don’t have to spend an hour and a half every night prepping six meals for the following day. Making a grocery list of all the special things, specialty food items I have to buy. I don’t have to do that. I don’t have to think about that. I just do my journal.
Shelley: I have to say (pointing to the participant who just spoke) she’s a doctor, so she’s a perfect one to ask. She’s not keeping track of any of this! (holding up paper she just read from)
(To physician): You’re not concerning yourself with any of that. You are manipulating the math by counting the calories and bringing your weight down. Are you now healthier than you were thirty pounds ago?
Physician/Participant: Tremendously, yes.
Shelley: But you’re not worried about any of this other stuff? Shutting down your metabolism? Eating every two to three hours? As a doctor, are you concerned?
Shelley: We talked about this the other day, I asked, “Now, your patients when they go in to get prepped for surgery, aren’t allowed to eat, right? They’re fasting before they go in for surgery. Are you concerned about their metabolism shutting down?”
Physician: Absolutely not.
Erin: Are you concerned about them going into starvation mode?
Physician: Definitely not.
Erin: Are you concerned about them screwing up their metabolism for their future?
Physician: No, not at all.
Shelley: I mean, they didn’t eat every two to three hours, six smaller meals, and their health will be okay?
Physician/Participant: Yes, and despite that, I felt like I needed to eat every two to three hours to keep my metabolism up, because that knowledge didn’t apply to me. (laughing)
Erin: So, Shelley, you were saying, the one thing you should not do…
Shelley: Is listen to this (holding up the diet industry advice she had read to the group).
Erin: So, you’re saying ignore the advice out there?
Shelley: Yes, ignore all the advice out there! Know what you know to be true! Each and every one of you in this room has lost weight with this process, by trusting what you know to be true with the caloric deficit, and that’s the only way to manipulate your weight, is through math. You know when you’ve held on to that truth, what has happened. So, the evidence speaks for itself!
When all of this information comes out on Facebook, on Twitter, in the New York Times; understand that every time that information comes in, your brain takes it in, and you will emotionally begin to feel confused. It’s emotional, not rational. Your brain is taking all that in. You feel overwhelmed. The anxiety increases, and you’re left feeling confused. So, the one thing you should do if you want to lose weight is ignore everything. And as soon as you see a magazine article, a clip on TV, something on the radio, a talk show, people talking at work, about weight loss, immediately turn it off and walk away. This is the path out.
Erin to Shelley: What do you see regularly with clients when they get confused? What happens to them?
Shelley: Well, they can’t even take a step forward. They’re feeling trapped in fear. Oh no, what if I don’t eat breakfast? I’ve heard I can’t skip breakfast! They’re scared of these things they have been told over and over again. Like, they must eat breakfast! Listen, I eat breakfast every day. Sometimes it’s at noon. The fear doesn’t come into me that I’m going to screw anything up with my body. I manage my weight and I’m healthy. I check with my doctor very frequently because I’m a hypochondriac. (laughing) But I’m very healthy! (more laughing)
Erin: So, what is the one thing you should do if you want to lose weight?
Shelley: Truth. Know the truth. Believe in the truth. Believe in the math. You’ve all already experienced it. But you do need reminded of it because we all get carried away. We hear something, and we consider it for a split second. We think maybe they’re right. And naturally, we want to better ourselves, we want to help ourselves. So, when I hear that something is healthy, I want to listen to it. But just keep that separate from the math.
The math is the only thing that is going to bring your weight down. Manipulate that math and create a caloric deficit. Just keep it all separate. Understand that what you do for your health is for your health. What you do for your fitness is for your fitness. And what you do for your weight is math.
Shelley to the group: What have you experienced with ignoring the advice and focusing on the truth?
Participant: I have found it to be very freeing. In the workplace, whenever there are multiple women together talking about the diet they’re trying, the competition they’re in with each other, or how frustrated they are that something isn’t working for them, that they’ve tried over and over again… It’s very freeing just to be able to disconnect from that and walk away from it. And that has really been profound to me.
Shelley: It’s like having a secret inside of you!
Shelley: To be able to stand on your own two feet. I can know things, and I can believe things and I can feel things inside of me, and I don’t have to prove it to anyone else in this room. How powerful is that?
Participant: It’s very powerful. It’s a whole new level of confidence in yourself and in your abilities. And a peace, a peacefulness within yourself, and that’s priceless.
Another participant: For me it’s been freeing because of not having to tell someone when I decide I’m going to lose weight. When I decide to lose weight, I just simply decide to lose weight and I know how to do it.
I have a co-worker who I’ve told “if you want to lose weight, do not tell anyone, just keep it to yourself.”
In a meeting she announced “I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to be sexy this summer. It’s my goal for the summer.” She’s put it out to everyone. So, week after week she’ll tell me she goes to the Weight Watcher meetings, each week, and she’s not losing any weight, and she feels disappointed. And because she announced it in front of everyone at the meeting and didn’t pay attention to anything I said about keeping it quiet, she feels humiliated.
You don’t have to feel that way. Keep it private. It’s no-one’s business, it’s no-one’s body but your own. For me that’s freeing. When I decide to lose weight, I just simply follow the process and that’s it. If I decide I want to take a break, that’s fine too, but nobody needs to know about it.
Shelley: Isn’t it amazing?! Keeping it private. Women find it hard because we’re trained in full disclosure. Women find that very challenging to keep it to themselves. Look what it’s cost your co-worker. She’s embarrassed now.
Erin: So, the one thing you shouldn’t do is listen to anybody else about your body?
Shelley: Yes, IGNORE DIET INDUSTRY ADVICE!
When I turned my back on all of this diet industry advice, I started trusting myself and focused on the one truth of losing weight. And then, I lost weight.
That’s the bottom line. Here I am, 90 lbs. less, as living proof.
And I’m not different than you. I don’t have anything unique that you lack.
I only FOCUSED on the TRUTH about weight loss (Step 2 - TRUTH).
It can be difficult for some to believe that all I did was focus on the simple truth. They have tried to debate this with me and tell me that weight loss is more than math and very complicated. But I will never debate TRUTH, it doesn’t need debated, so my only rebuttal is to hold up my Before & After photos and say:
“It’s okay, you don’t have to believe me.” ;)
I describe the experience of a woman's weight struggle to a P.O.W. camp. And that is exactly what it is like.
You feel like a prisoner, completely imprisoned and trapped inside a body you can't get out of.
When I was 220 lbs., I intuitively knew that, no way, no how, no matter what I did, right now, at this moment…could I be thin tomorrow.
And it was the overwhelming frustration of that truth that paralyzed me and kept me inside this prison.
But one day, I eventually took one leap of faith and got out.
And I'm here to tell you, "It's this way..."
How did I get out?
Honestly, at the time it happened, I had no idea what I was about to do.
That's why it was a real leap of faith.
When you are imprisoned in a prison camp for as long as I was, you really don't know where you are, or what route will lead to freedom.
I knew there were risks and dangers in leaving the camp…I didn't know what was out there, what wild animals would attack, or what storms would hit. I knew I would be completely alone to fend for myself…no guarantee of food, water, or shelter.
I had to trust I would figure it out, because I knew that if I stayed, I would die.
So, I asked a friend to come with me. She refused.
With or without her, I had to get out.
So, I waited until it was the right time.
When was that?
When I finally reached the end of my rope and realized all hope was lost. No one else was going to rescue me.
My “Will I make it out?” was answered with “You won’t make it in here.”
All my “but hows?” were answered with “I don’t know.”
All my “what ifs?” were answered with “Doesn’t matter!”
All of my fighting and resistance had ceased. I gave up!
This is when I could finally make my escape.
And so all alone, secretly and silently in the middle of the night, I crawled beneath the fence to face the darkness alone. It was “Do or Die!”
I bolted like a bat out of hell and ran as fast as I could.
I didn’t have a clue about where I was going. I didn't know the route in such unfamiliar territory.
I could hear the bullets flying overhead and voices calling me back.
Yet as I continued to keep my eye on the freedom I longed for, pressing forward, and staying low, the clearing got wider.
The voices dimmed. And eventually, darkness turned to light.
I weathered a few storms and survived to make it to complete freedom and safety.
I got out!
Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had found the escape path out of obesity.
Some say I was a pioneer. Some say I got very lucky. Some say it was divinely inspired.
I only know that I got out, and now, I knew the way out, a safe way out, and I held the map to this escape route.
What happened next paints the picture further.
Erin, an old friend of mine from elementary school, called me. She was amazed at what I had done. She went on and on about it. I could see she was still imprisoned.
So I could only assume she wanted out too, so I asked her if she would like me to help her get out.
Pridefully, she said, "Oh no, I'm fine!"
She had tried so many times before to get out, to no avail, so she had come to accept her imprisonment as her lot in life.
But then I promised her, "I can help you."
See, I absolutely knew that I had found the way out, so I could promise her.
She said no again.
But despite her words, I heard her heart screaming, "YES!"
I touched her hand and said in a very quiet voice, "Trust me, it's this way..."
And simply by hearing my voice say, "Trust me, it's this way...” she too crawled underneath the fence, in the middle of the night, onto the same escape route.
I was there to guide her, to say, "Stay low, the bullets won't hit you."
"Do not pay attention to the voices calling you back."
"Don't worry, the storm will pass."
"The clearing gets wider, and light is coming soon."
So, she followed, and she too found freedom!
She said to me, "Shelley, this is the path to freedom! This is the way! This path is one every woman can take to get out and get out safely. You have to go back and help as many women as you can! This is your calling."
I will go back for ANY woman who wants out.
Just listen to my voice, "It's this way..."
This is the story of Losing Coach, simply me coaching women on this escape path out of obesity.
When you're ready to escape... READ NOW
I have nude photos on this site that have more dignity than what I see you doing to yourself. The first definition of dignity listed in Miriam-Webster's Dictionary is -
Dignity: formal reserve or seriousness of manner, appearance, or language. Read that definition carefully. Read every word of that definition carefully. And then ask yourself if you have your dignity in regards to your weight loss?
Ask yourself - Are you sharing openly at work or on social media the fact that you are struggling with your weight? Making self-deprecating jokes about your size? Do you constantly talk about your body and how fat you feel? Or discussing the next diet you're starting? If so, it indicates your lack of taking your weight loss seriously, so seriously that you formally reserve it, you keep it private, and protect your dignity! And... protect yourself from, well.... looking like a fool.
Because if the diet program or product you're currently raving about doesn't work or last, if you don't lose weight, if you can't keep it off, if you're on to something else next year, then... that is what you look like.
I know what you're thinking - but if I keep myself "accountable", if I share this publicly, well then I'll be forced to do it. Really? Unfortunately, that's just not how it works. And if it does work, then why weren't you already thin years ago?
Do you really think shaming yourself is going to give you the dignity and power you need to lose weight?
REALLY, what are you doing to yourself? If you scroll back over the years and see yourself jumping from one diet to another, program after program, and now you feel exposed, because you've not protected your dignity, then you need to do one thing right now. Lock your lips! It's said "loose lips sink ships" and that applies to you and your ship. Protect yourself right now and restore your dignity by immediately becoming private about it. Say nothing when it comes to your body and your weight! See My Privacy Principle video. Watch and understand how this very powerful principle can actually help you lose weight RIGHT NOW!
After you watch "The Privacy Principle", take the next step to a truly dignified and safe way to permanent weight loss, and let me help you privately. I care about your dignity. I care about your success. I care about you truly losing weight and keeping it off! Join Shelley's Club today!
Helping doctors understand the challenges their overweight patients face and what they can do to improve patient outcomes with weight loss coaching!
Shelley's Story: I was overweight most of my life. But I was relatively healthy, with no chronic medical conditions. After I had kids, I gained more weight, and after I experienced a few surgeries, I gained even more weight. As my weight kept going up, I kept experiencing more medical issues.
I'd get up in the morning, step out of my bed and my feet hurt, plantar fasciitis. My back hurt from muscle spasms; I also had tension headaches. As I was gaining more and more weight, my entire day was filled with some kind of pain from morning to night.
I actually grew quite accustomed to living in pain. I didn't realize how much pain I was in until I got out of it. I knew there was some connection to the weight gain, but I’d think, "Well, I'm getting older." I didn’t know what I could do about it, I slowly grew accustomed to it. It really is like the frog and the boiling water. If you drop a frog into it, it immediately jumps out, but if the water’s slowly heated up, it will just sit there and die. And that's how I felt like my life was going, that I was just slowly declining.
And every time I would go to the doctor to get help for these various issues, I would be treated with medication to ease the pain and I would be told to lose weight, to diet and exercise.
It was so frustrating, I felt overwhelmed, and on the inside, I’m saying, "I'm trying! You don't know how much I'm trying! And if I could, I would, but I don't know how; but I am trying!"
And the more that I tried, the more weight I would gain, the more embarrassed I would feel, and the more humiliated I became, because they were always telling me to lose weight. It was always "You need to diet and exercise."
I would leave my doctor's office angry and ready to find a new doctor.
I got up to 220 pounds, I was 90 pounds overweight.
I was hopeless and didn't feel like I could lose any weight. When doctors told me to diet and exercise, I knew they were right. But I didn't have any way of actually succeeding at it; I would if I could.
Around the same time, my dad was diagnosed with diabetes (years later than he should have been), so by the time he was diagnosed, he immediately had to begin aggressively managing his diabetes. He was bombarded with the doctor's advice of how to manage it, including complicated formulas of counting carbs and all the things he should and shouldn’t eat, and it was coming from numerous doctors, his primary care, the endocrinologist, everyone.
They're all telling him the same thing, but he’s older, and he doesn't like being told what to do. He's being told to lose weight, but he really doesn't even care anymore. He ignored all the doctors’ advice. He rebelled. There's a rebellious spirit in some in being told what to do. One thinks "There's no hope and I can't do it anyways, so screw it!"
So we’re experiencing the same thing - doctors telling us to lose weight. We're frustrated, feeling like we would if we could. We're both in pain in different ways, and pain increases the appetite, so we're both eating more, and gaining weight. Everything's becoming counterproductive to what we want to do, to what we need to do, what we have to do.
My dad's health became a train wreck. What he needed was something simple to help turn that around, because the direction he was going in was spiraling out of control. It's the diabetes, his weight, high blood pressure, etc., his health was a train wreck, and he kept gaining weight.
And I knew everything could just be simply and slowly turned around if he could just lose weight.
The doctors know this and that’s why they advise their patients to diet and exercise.
But sadly, the message is not being received by their patients because they're emotionally blocked from receiving it. It’s because of their own self judgment, because of their own confusion and rebellion, because they've tried and failed so many times before and they're overwhelmed.
Doctors are frustrated; patients are frustrated. It's very unfortunate that what they're telling their patients is 100% right, but their patients are not receiving it, and actually cannot receive it.
Doctors are stuck between a rock and a hard place; they know if their patient loses weight it will result in a better patient outcome. But if they beat a dead horse with telling them to diet and exercise, they will have a hurt and angry patient who may walk out of the office and not return. They don’t know what to tell them to do.
What I've learned as a weight loss coach from my clients, is what my dad and I experienced, is experienced by many. My clients tell me their doctor told them, "You need to lose weight," and they are angry, they are hurt. They want to lose weight, but they don't know how. That increases their anxiety, which then increases their appetite, and so they eat more and they gain more weight.
It's a vicious cycle. Neurologists understand how the brain processes emotions (like anger) through the limbic system, and its role in increasing the appetite. The anger a patient experiences being told to lose weight, is the very thing that will be a catalyst to an increased appetite and further weight gain. It is no one's fault, and no one's to blame. The doctors surely aren't to blame.
I have a lot of compassion for the spot doctors are in. They're damned if they do, damned if they don't. Their patients are getting angry at them, when doctors are only communicating the truth to help their patients. But their patients don’t know how to do it. And it creates a vicious cycle then of unsatisfied customers and poor patient outcomes for the doctors.
At 35 years old, I decided I didn’t want to be one of those poor outcomes. My health was rapidly declining at a young age, and I reached a do or die moment. The truth that I discovered in losing weight was that it was really simple. And this is no secret; everyone learns this in Nutrition 101. Calories in, calories out. So I decided to remove all judgment off of myself and focus on this one simple truth, and as I created a caloric deficit and lost weight, my nutrition improved, and my fitness improved. And now I was doing the very thing the doctors told me to do, diet and exercise!
The weight came off quickly at first and then it slowed down. But I accepted the slowing down as part of it. Over the course of a year and 10 months I lost 90 pounds. That's an average of 5 lbs/month. So it was a nice, slow weight loss, but for the first time, I had the power to do it. It was no longer, “If I could, I would”, it was now “I CAN!”
I've kept it off permanently for 11 years. I'm very proud of my health. I don't have any plantar fasciitis, I don't have back pain, I don't have tension headaches. I have no pain now. When I go to the doctor, I'm very proud of my numbers, my triglycerides are low, my blood pressure is normal, and I’m in optimal health. My weight loss drastically improved my outcome.
I found this success through no products, no gimmicks, just a simple, truthful process I created that respected the simple science of weight loss along with the emotional support I needed. So I created Losing Coach® to provide weight loss coaching.
Doctors are not necessarily trained or have the time to offer continual emotional support that will give their patients true weight loss success.
When a doctor has a patient with a heart issue, they send them to a cardiologist, with a neurology issue, a neurologist. Any issue that they need additional help with, they send them to a specialist. That is what a weight loss coach, like Losing Coach® can do for your patients, who need help losing weight, to improve their outcomes.
Patient Outcomes. That’s the bottom line here.
My clients have incredible weight loss success, but not because they are eating unique or different foods. I am actually giving them the same message as their doctor, good old fashion calories in and calories out. The same message doctors are trying to communicate is now being received.
Why? Because I have the time to remove the judgment off of them and communicate it in love, with boundless emotional support. The truth is… the truth (you need to eat less) is a cold and harsh reality. The only way a cold and harsh message can be received is through continually communicating it with love, grace, patience, time, and trust. This is what a weight loss coach can give your patients.
Losing Coach® trains the brain and heals the heart for weight loss. My weight loss coaching creates the brain/heart coherence to make those day-in and day-out decisions necessary for weight loss. No products, no gimmicks. A weight loss coach is like a specialist that can help your patient. I'm not a physician, so I don't give medical advice. I support the doctor's advice. I empower folks to take control of their weight and have their own success. This creates a better patient outcome.
Losing Coach® is a physician-approved process, approved by doctors, themselves, who have lost weight through the Losing Coach® process.
Bonnie, a Losing Coach Client, can attest to the power of a weight loss coach:
“When they told me I had to have a heart by-pass surgery, I was petrified. That was in 2007. I changed everything…the way I ate, exercising…everything. But I never lost weight. I felt that because I was in my 60’s it was never going to happen for me. Here I am 68 years old and have lost pound after pound over my life, and always gained it back. Through the Losing Coach® process, I’ve lost 56 lbs. When the weight began to fall off, I was astounded. I never believed it would happen for me. But it did come off, and that just encouraged me to keep going. My medical condition is amazing. My doctor can’t believe it. I take a quarter of the diabetes medication I used to take. I take half of the blood pressure medication. I feel great! I exercise 4-5 times a week, for 50 minutes at a time on the elliptical. Everything that I have learned through Losing Coach® teaches me that I CAN do this. This has truly been life-changing for me."
What makes us who we are today? What has determined all that we are (or not) - our weight, our appearances/what we see in the mirror, our positions/statuses, our relationships, careers, successes, accomplishments, and all of our experiences of LOVE, affirmation and appreciation we receive (or not) today?
One thing - our decisions. I think about who and what I would've and could've been, for better or for worse, with different decisions I had the opportunity to make along the way in my life.
I could've been an olympic gymnast (had I not quit gymnastics), I could be living in Taiwan right now (had I married my Chinese boyfriend), I could be unhealthy, depressed, addicted, drugged up on pain meds and anti-depressants (had I not decided - no thank you). For better or worse, I could be an entirely different person right now, had I made different decisions in my life. From where I am living, to the relationships I have, to the image I see in the mirror... I am who I am because of all the decisions I have made along the way.
Today, I am a middle-aged woman living a middle-class lifestyle, in the mid-western United States, with grown children I'm extremely proud of, a healthy body, after a 90 lb weight loss, (that I'm pretty proud of, considering all the medical issues and surgeries I've endured), with good friends, and a solid purpose in my life. With all that said, I can say, I feel accomplished (for me, and that's all that matters.)
So whether it's about your weight or any other area of your life - you will always be the result of the accumulation of decisions you make over time.
And let me qualify all of this by saying - there are no judgment calls to be made here, there are not necessarily "good" or "bad" decisions... so remove the judgment. You are not bad if you are overweight or depressed or feel unaccomplished. You are actually quite good and full of LOVE. I know, because I have felt that way too. So remove all the judgment, it's simply not true. There are simply just decisions you get to make that will steer you in different directions. And you get to decide.
If you think LOVE is earned,
You confuse LOVE with wages.
And it's no wonder you think LOVE is difficult.
Working for wages is tiresome,
feels like there's never enough,
and wants more benefits and more recognition in return.
But true, unconditional LOVE is always a free gift. You don't have to do anything but receive it. Even if just from yourself.
Start receiving LOVE freely.
Receive it with gratitude.
LOVE is enough.
Feel the peace and contentment this creates.
LOVE, being experienced with ease.
The way LOVE's supposed to be.
Wages are earned.
True, unconditional LOVE is always free.
And that's how you will know.
I speak from true experience. I'm not a licensed therapist; I share only from my heart. I've been through trauma. I share as an example so you can identify your own experiences of trauma and start to heal.
I almost died in childbirth, (along with my son) at 25 years old. At 30 years old, I almost bled to death internally. Both medical emergencies required emergency surgery to save my life. Truth is, close friends and family didn't realize, even I didn't realize.
The trauma. You know, you recover, life goes on, there are other things to worry about, like taking care of children and making money. But I believe trauma, whether you're consciously aware of it or not, is always absorbed on a cellular level. Everything I felt, the way I experienced my surroundings and my relationships, all of my reactions, thereafter, were all through the filter of this trauma, on a cellular level. Oh logically I understood the necessary medical reasons for slicing my body open, and I am consciously very grateful for the life-saving surgeries. But subconsciously, I reacted to many things in life, as though I was being sliced open and everything was a threat to my life.
On a cellular level, I was reacting with stress and anxiety, to everything; my cells were bracing for life or death. Trauma will do this to you. These are two, but not my only experiences of trauma. But like these two experiences, you don't realize the trauma, you know, you recover and life goes on. But just because life goes on, doesn't mean you're not experiencing and reacting to all of your surroundings and relationships on a cellular level. You are. It's involuntary and you can't help it.
With everything you do in everyday, normal life, the cells of your body may be bracing for life or death, or maybe anticipating being abandoned, rejected, criticized, abused, neglected, humiliated, violated, exposed, beaten, etc, whatever it is. Post-traumatic stress is real and when you take the first step to heal yourself through LOVE, your healing begins. Otherwise, you will continue to experience trauma on a cellular level and this will continue to pain, stress, and disease your body, through physical or mental illness, or maybe through drug, alcohol or food addictions. None of these things, if you suffer with them, is your fault. Remove the judgment and restore LOVE.💙 LOVE is the answer. 💙 To everything. LOVE heals all.
This is why I teach and coach so much about restoring LOVE to help women lose weight. Oh it's not only an emotional healing, there's a practical, solid, do-able plan to Weight Loss Mastery. And it becomes possible and nearly effortless after women are able to heal their hearts with LOVE.
Re-posted from September 6, 2013
When faced with the decision to attempt to lose weight, you might doubt your ability because you say "But food has a hold over me!" and I say, I know! Food has a hold over me too! It's called - if I don't eat, I'll feel a strong desire to; I will feel hungry. And I know from a few times in the past, I really don't like that feeling.
And the continuing logic goes like this - even if I can tolerate feeling hungry, but I don't eat, I'll feel light-headed, and even if I can tolerate feeling light-headed, I might pass out. And even if I can tolerate passing out, I risk injury to myself, so I risk not being able to work at my job. That means I risk earning a paycheck. That means I risk my whole livelihood!! So YES, OF COURSE food has a hold over you! It has a hold over me too. It has a hold over EVERYONE. We must eat to live. We intuit this every single day. We don't need told this, we know this. Food has a hold over you just as the air your breathe does. It's okay.
Did you ever stop and give opportunity to the idea that food can have a hold over you and you can STILL lose weight? At The Losing Coach, I don't dive into deep psycho-analysis of your past to figure out WHY you gained weight or WHY you love food. I simply say, "Okay, that's normal" (besides I am not a psychiatrist) and then proceed to move forward in helping you lose weight. If you want to psycho-analyze WHY you like food, ask your psychiatrist. Then also ask your psychiatrist to try to figure out why you like to sleep and breathe as well. It's really called "being human." Accept it. Accept it now. Accept you like to eat food. And say to yourself "Of course you do! That just means you like to live! And that's great!"
Embrace that energy of liking food because we will take this enjoyment in food (or enjoyment in staying alive) and not shame or shut that energy down; we will redirect and re-channel that same energy into... sorry to be repetitive here... your enjoyment in staying alive! See, most of my clients, despite age or health, come to a place where they realize the most unhealthy thing they can be right now is overweight. That means the most detrimental thing to them staying alive is being overweight. To respect enjoyment in staying alive, I will help you lose weight.
So we are going to acknowledge that your strong desire for food is a reflection of your strong desire for life. It's like two sides of the same coin. If you can picture flipping a pancake now (don't eat that pancake, not yet anyways, wait till I'm done) - let's flip this "Food has a hold over me" to "I have a hold over food." Easier said than done? Of course, we just said it, and it's not done yet. It's a process. This is the process I coach my clients through.
A woman goes through a lot of changes with her body and with herself as she loses weight. They are all positive and some will give her a little chuckle! Enjoy the list I've compiled from myself (I have learned to laugh at myself :)) and from my clients that give you a little peak into this transformational world.
Here are 8 cute secrets you know you have if you're a woman who has lost weight:
If any of this interests you, please let me help you experience these wonderful and funny things for yourself! It's simply transformational! Start today!
Are you kind-hearted, kind-minded or both? There's a difference.
Kind-hearted people don't intentionally hurt another.
When you think of a kind-hearted person, you think of someone who's always nice and sweet, that guy or gal that will help you out, lend a supportive ear, or do nice things.
But this is actually different than being kind-minded.
Kind-minded people are intentional about not hurting another.
Read the difference again:
Kind-hearted people don't intentionally hurt another.
Kind-minded people are intentional about not hurting another.
The difference is in intention.
Kind-heartedness comes from an innate gentle nature in your heart (unplanned).
Kind-mindedness comes from an awareness, a well-thought out intention (more planned).
To be kind-minded, one must use their mind, to think, look ahead, strategize, if you will, in considering, if what they say or do could or would lead to a chain reaction of events that would hurt someone.
They consider all their words and actions, how they will be received, the reaction it may provoke in another, and whether it might cause pain or not.
Think of it like the game of chess, being quite strategic. Every good chess player must be able to think forward, considering all the possible moves and outcomes from their decision. The farther ahead they can think, the more possible outcomes they can consider at one time, the more information they can hold in their head while considering the best move, the better move they will make.
Kind-mindedness is like emotional chess.
Kind-mindedness requires a very high level of emotional intelligence. The farther ahead you can think, the more possible outcomes you can consider at one time, the more information you can hold in your head while considering what you will say or do, the more kind-minded you will be.
I know a lot of kind-hearted people who are not kind-minded. Their heart may be good, but their words and actions hurt people because they do not think ahead with enough consideration of possible outcomes. They may not carefully consider the ramifications of their words or actions.
If you know a kind, good person, who is always hurting people, and not meaning to, they lack kind-mindedness.
Read the difference again:
Kind-hearted people don't intentionally hurt another (but they could unintentionally).
Kind-minded people are intentional about not hurting another (so they make sure they don't).
I have been described as kind-hearted. I know the truth is I am more kind-minded. Well, of course, I hope I'm really both, but I know that what people observe about me is more my kind-mindedness.
The goal is to be both - kind-hearted and kind-minded. With both, you have kindness fully in your character, in heart and mind.
Kindness, specifically, kindness to yourself is what makes my weight loss process so powerful. You will make sure that you bring yourself no harm. Everyone tells me that one of the most poignant moments in Erin's Journey is when I asked her "Haven't you suffered enough?"
Ask yourself, "Haven't you suffered enough?" If you've suffered with your weight for long enough, it's time to be kind-hearted and kind-minded to yourself right now. You can begin today with Online Coaching or by reading My Secret Escape: Restore Your Dignity, Transform Your Body.
Silence is one of the "golden rules" and key principles here at The Losing Coach. It is the first piece of coaching advice I give women. I say, "I love referrals, but I don't need them." Keep what you are doing with losing weight private. Very private. Extremely private. 100% private.
This privacy is going to empower you in ways you can't imagine until you experience it. What you are doing, what you are eating, and your own decisions in everything you do with your diet and your weight is no one else's business. A number of women have been moved to tears in the greatest sense of relief they have ever felt when I tell them to keep it private. Someone has finally given them the respect and honor that a woman transforming her body deserves.
When you finally close down comments from the peanut gallery, you realize that your weight issue on display for the world to see and comment on, has been demoralizing to you as a woman. At the Losing Coach, we protect you from this kind of humiliation by giving you permission to keep this 100% private.
Most other weight loss programs do not encourage you to do this. I do, because I know it will empower you to lose weight. Other weight loss programs want you to tell the world what you are doing, because they are not really about helping you lose weight for good; they are about growing their business. In giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they are just not aware of how powerful it is to keep what you are doing private. Perhaps they don't care about how personal and intimate this journey is for you.
This silence then starts to go both ways. When we silence ourselves from speaking about our diets, we start to also silence the voices we once listened to, that encroach upon our own decision-making skills, from the diet industry. The diet industry has made what is so simple (weight loss) so complicated. The industry has brain-washed people so well, everyone now thinks losing weight is difficult, complicated, and beyond the average person's ability to achieve. When you silence those voices and pay no attention to the latest fad, the complicated plans, and the co-dependency the diet companies want you to buy into, you will begin to find losing weight is rather simple, you will find the power to lose weight you've always dreamed of having is inside of you! Find it here through The Seven Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery!
My husband slept with a new woman every night. And each woman continued to look younger and sexier than the one before. It's what no woman wants to hear, know, or admit - The new woman is thinner, prettier, and more fun!
Was I jealous? No. Not at all. Because each new woman was me.
During my weight loss, I literally was a new woman every day. People used to ask me what my husband felt about having a wife with such significant weight loss, and I would reply, "Well he loves it! He gets to sleep with a new woman every night!"
He'd often over-hear me say this and smile. He smiled. He would then acknowledge that was the truth.
Now the question is - was he actually more physically attracted to me day by day? Yes and No.
First, trust me, someone who lives with you every day is not going to physically notice the 5 lbs you lost in one month. He was not attracted to the slightly less weight on my body day to day.
What he was attracted to, day by day, was that I was a little less angry, a little less anxious, and a little less closed off to him (and the world.)
I was also a lot more - a lot more happy with myself, more confident, and more physically comfortable in my own skin. Talk about a combination most men are attracted to!
Every night. New woman. And he had my full permission to enjoy each new woman.
Every man's dream come true. I know. :)
Would you like to join me? Contact me to get you started now!
I want to share a brief text conversation with a Shelley's Club member, what it spoke to me, and what it means.
Her: "Major win on the scale this morning! Under 200!"
Me: "OMG!!! That's awesome!!! Wow! Sooooo happy!!! :) <3"
Her: "Me too. Can't wait to celebrate today with good solid decisions and smiles galore :)"
That was it. But her last text there spoke to me and has significant meaning.
First, for any woman that's ever weighed over 200 lbs... you know how significant this kind of milestone is. To no longer be a 200 lb woman is an unbelievable feeling and accomplishment! :)
Here's what her last text spoke to me - she was speaking truth. Her reaction was truthful. I didn't even ask her how, or even if, she was going to celebrate, and she didn't manufacture a response she thought I wanted to hear, or say it for my sake. I've privately coached this client before, and so I know her response was 100% authentic to who she is.
And what about it has significant meaning? The way she was choosing to celebrate her feeling and accomplishment!
She wasn't going to celebrate on the outside. She wasn't going to spend money on "me time" at the spa, not going to go eat a bunch of cake and reverse her feeling and accomplishment, she was simply going to continue on and smile!! :) SMILES GALORE!! :) She was celebrating on the inside!
THAT is what this is all about - the inside. I keep saying feeling and accomplishment. Because it's more than just an accomplishment. This is about a feeling.
And let me fill you in on what she's feeling - pretty darn good about herself. See, she earned this. She and she alone, no one else. The feeling and accomplishment are both 100% hers. She's not about to reverse it, nor does she need external reward. Because it's an internal reward she already has, and she's holding onto it!!
THAT is significant. Albeit subtle, she's had a very significant difference in her experience with weight loss this time than she ever has before.
She's feeling it on the inside. She's earned it. She has her reward. She's not letting go of it.
You will feel the subtle, significant difference when your weight loss is real - the reward is internal.
My client told me, despite how well she was actually succeeding, she felt like her behavior was "erratic" because she had "binged" one night.
She wanted to be more like me...
I encouraged her to remove the judgment. Off herself. And off me. She was judging herself as being bad and judging me, that somehow I was a better person because I didn't have "erratic" behavior... oh really?
Well I'm no better than anyone else... watch this weight loss coaching to understand.
Don't drive yourself to lose weight.
Wait...What? Why is a weight loss coach telling you not to drive yourself to lose weight?
Because I know it doesn't work.
What then? What works if you don't drive yourself? You know... the workouts, the planning, the food choices, the deprivation...the harder I work at it, shouldn't I be able to achieve it? Well... just ask yourself... how has it worked for you so far?
You wonder, well then what the heck am I supposed to do... nothing? Just lay back, relax, lay out in the sun and eat grapes all day? Well, honestly... why not? That would be a great start! :)
You've been driving yourself so hard, you're grinding your gears, and if you're grinding your gears, you're going to blow 'em out quickly. That's why it doesn't work.
Don't forget as I coach in my weight loss coaching, the struggle with weight is like quick sand. And the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. So yes, I really do want you to relax and lean back. Stop struggling.
It's not only possible to lose weight without driving yourself to it, it's more than likely you will have success if you are relaxed and happy.
That's what I'm here to help you with - relaxing and feeling happy! So lean back and relax. Eat grapes. Lay out in the sun. All of it!
A happy woman is a beautiful woman. Give yourself a break... Your weight will take care of itself. :)
Everything actually. Love has everything to do with permanent weight loss.
When a woman struggles with her weight, she is experiencing a lack of Love in one or more of the following ways:
Care, Comfort, Provision or Protection.
In Day 7 of my Online Course, I show how Love is a vital component of weight loss. Love does 4 specific things: Cares, Comforts, Provides and Protects.
Through no fault of her own, when a woman struggles with her weight, there is a lack in her life.
Read that again: Through no fault of her own, there is a lack in her life.
This truth is crucial in being able to get the need met.
The foundation of my process is The Removal of Judgment and the Restoration of Love so that a woman can address The Truth about Weight Loss. My coaching shows women how to do this in very practical, doable steps.
One of the steps that I teach is how to give Care, Comfort, Provision and Protection to yourself.
A woman has both masculine and feminine energies. Usually one more dominate than the other, sometimes equally, but always both.
Your feminine energy receives Care, Comfort, Provision and Protection through The 4 D's:
Desire means you are wanted. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is welcomed, wanted and worthy of attention.
Dignity means you are honored, respected, and valued. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is held in the highest esteem...you are seen as and treated like, a queen.
Devotion means you are cherished. You experience being told and shown that who are, and what you do is precious beyond compare, with a worth beyond measure.
Discovery means that you are known. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is glorious, magical, magnetic, powerful, unique... And there is always space for your voice to be heard.
Your masculine energy receives Care, Comfort, Provision and Protection through The 4 A's:
Acknowledgment means you are recognized. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is seen and respected.
Affirmation means that you are significant. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is welcomed, wanted and worthy of respect.
Appreciation means that you are notable. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is worthy of gratitude and recognition.
Adoration means that you are heroic. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is worthy of honor and praise...in public and in private.
To experience permanent, stress-free weight loss, you must know where your heart and life are lacking in Love.
How do you discover your area of lack? No psycho-analysis required! I promise!
But it does require learning your dominant experience of Love, knowing whether you are primarily feminine or masculine in your expression of Love, and discovering the unique ways you want and need Loved.
This is my niche at Losing Coach®! Helping you Love yourself so that you can experience the body you've longed for. Being at peace with your self and finally free from the struggle with your weight.
I invite you to contact me and let me help you permanently and in a simple, healthy way, fall in love with your self and lose the weight, once and for all.
My Online Course will get you started immediately!
I can't wait to help you!!
Like John Lennon says, "Some say I'm a dreamer..."
Rings very true for me! I am a dreamer! (Of course, I'm a Pisces, for anyone that appreciates astrology - Pisces is a water sign and we are the dreamers. My sun is in Pisces, my mercury in Pisces, and my north node is in Pisces too! That's A LOT of water, a lot of dreaming! :)) Dreaming is my purpose.
So it's very very true - I. AM. A. DREAMER.
Let me tell you what I've dreamed of.
All my life I was overweight and quite frankly, miserable because of that. I dreamed of being thin my entire life. I dreamed of having a body I felt comfortable in, confident it, and sexy in! I wanted to wear bikinis, I wanted to look and feel attractive...
I wanted what I didn't have. It was painful. But... I never ever stopped dreaming of it.
I held onto my dream.
I couldn't escape it. I couldn't be dishonest with myself and act like I didn't want it. I DID want it. And I wanted it badly!
So here's where I am today - I have actualized my dream. I have the body I've always dreamed of having; I have the body I want.
So now what?
Well... I. AM. A. DREAMER. I never stop dreaming! So what do I dream of now?
I dream for you!
I dream of you being thin. I dream of you having a body you feel comfortable in, confident it, and sexy in! I want you to wear bikinis, I want you to look and feel attractive!!
I want your dream to come true! I want to help you actualize your dream!
Please receive my encouragement! Please let me help you!
You can start right now with my Online Coaching.
This is my purpose now. To help you make your dream come true!
Please. Let me help you. I care so very much about your dream.
If you’re here to find out how to lose weight, I’m going to tell you right here and now. And I can tell you my secret very simply. I can tell you in one sentence.
Not only can I tell you in one sentence, I can tell you in two words – Eat Less.
Yes, that’s right. Eat less. You already know this. That’s not why you’re here – to hear me tell you that. Everyone knows this.
(And in case you don’t believe me, I could lock you up in a cage on a deserted island and prove that eating less will result in weight loss to you real quickly!)
See, you don’t need someone to tell you how to lose weight, because you know how. What you’re wanting is the how to the how to… how do do that? How do you eat less on a day-in and day-out basis to result in the weight loss you desire?
This is what you want. You simply want the ability to eat less. You’ve been convinced you must go do something to lose weight. But you discover very quickly, nothing you can do will give you weight loss results if you’re eating more.
You want the ability to eat less. And the good news is - eating less can actually be pretty effortless if your appetite is decreased. (You know like when you have the stomach flu, and your brain turns off your appetite for a while, it’s super easy to eat less.)
You want your appetite decreased. You honestly don’t need to set aside your life to go do something. You want the ability to eat less.
How do you do that?
You train the brain. You simply train the brain. That’s our entire process.
It’s funny, people would ask me – “How did you lose weight?”
And I think, “I can’t answer that question. How am I supposed to answer that question?"
"Do you want me to tell you scientifically? Emotionally? Psychologically? Spiritually? I can’t answer that question. It was so many things.”
The ability to eat less came from everything I was doing. Remember, this is what you want – the ability to eat less. (You wouldn’t need the ability to eat less… if I could lock you up in a cage on a deserted island. On a deserted Island, you’d lose weight! But you have a life and you don’t want me to lock you up in a cage on a deserted island.)
So now you’re saying “I need the ability to do this for myself. I need the ability to put into practice this process” that will help train your brain to decrease your appetite. It’s a process. So there is no pat answer. I really cannot tell you how I lost weight until you go through the process. And you experience it. Because it’s going to train your brain, which will decrease your appetite, which will give you the ability to put into practice the very thing that you long to do, which is to eat less, to lose weight.
That’s what you want to do. It’s simple. It’s so simple. The science is simple. The psychological part of it. The emotional part of it. The spiritual part of it. It’s really very simple. But it’s not just one thing.
I can help you with everything!! This is what I do. If you want your appetite decreased for the ability to eat less, begin our online coaching today!
WARNING. Nudity. It is the state of nakedness being revealed!
And why should I be ashamed of my naked body? I wasn’t born ashamed of my body. I was born naked and quite happy about being naked, until at some point in my toddler years, I learned running around naked was not appropriate. Hence, began my conditioning to be ashamed of my body. And I have been ashamed of revealing my naked body ever since. (But not as much as I used to be. See my brave photo to left.) I become less ashamed of my body the more I realize that I haven’t done anything wrong.
See the idea of being ashamed of your body comes from the original Bible story. Whether you believe in it literally or not, is completely up to you. Literally or metaphorically, the story paints a picture that is revealing (no pun intended) of our feelings about our bodies and where our shame comes from.
The story, as I recall (and I’m no Bible scholar) started with Adam and Eve living happily and care-free in the Garden of Eden, unashamed of their naked bodies. They were not even aware they were naked. It was only their natural state and nothing to be ashamed of.
Then, they “sinned” against God. “Sin” meant they did something wrong. They had eaten of the fruit they were commanded not to eat of. All of a sudden, they became aware of their naked bodies and they were ashamed. So they covered up. God asked them “Who told you you were naked?”
The answer – nobody. Adam and Eve weren’t told by anyone they were naked. As soon as they felt they had done something wrong and anticipated coming under judgment, they felt ashamed and wanted to cover up.
And so it was when we were all toddlers… as we were running around naked, all delighted as a free bird could be, and all of a sudden, we were corrected and informed to put our clothes on. (And as it should be, our parents were only properly acclimating us into societal norms of wearing clothes. It’s all good.) It was during these moments, that we started feeling that we were doing something wrong. We were, after all, being corrected and disciplined by our parents to stop running around naked. We were becoming aware that we were doing something wrong, and we started feeling ashamed. It was our “first sin” and we actually all reacted the exact same way Adam and Eve did in the story – with shame.
Now broaden this and know that it’s not just about being ashamed of our naked bodies, but our bodies in general. Feeling ashamed of your body, naked or not, comes from the absorption of judgment. It is through the slow absorption of receiving message after message that we’ve done something wrong. From the way you look, to the things you’ve done…. if you believe you’ve done something wrong, you will naturally feel ashamed of your body. (It’s a pre-programmed response in your brain.)
And the more ashamed of your body you become, the more you will cover it up. You will hide it, you will be embarrassed of it, and most likely gain weight because of it. The absorption of judgment creates a chain of events in the heart and mind that increases the appetite. This is the emotional component of gaining weight.
So how can you experience the removal of this judgment and re-program the brain to decrease your appetite and lose weight? Sign up now for my Online Coaching. I can help you to achieve the weight loss you desire!
The body you dream of is underneath you right now. I promise, it is.
Well obviously, underneath a few layers of fat you want to lose, but primarily... underneath judgment.
Yes. I can almost guarantee this.
Unless you were put in handcuffs and force fed to overeat, the very subconscious reason for your weight gain is judgment.
So we must take it off.
Remove all judgment.
Judgment is an invisible weight on your shoulders. When you walk around with weight on your shoulders, you walk around with a heavy heart. A heavy heart manifests into a heavy body.
You have to take off the judgment.
We have to lighten your heart. We have to lighten this load on your shoulders.
Take it off! You have to take this off. You have to. This is not for feel good fuzzies. It's really not. I'm not trying to just make you feel good. I'm trying to help you tap into the power inside of you that will help you.
And the power inside of you that's going to help you is the restoration of LOVE. The way to restore that LOVE is to remove the judgment, take it off of you.
I can help you with that. This is what I do. And if you don't believe me and how effective this is in helping you lose weight, check out these before and after photos.
You can begin removing judgment for yourself right now. You may not even be aware of consciously what all this judgment is. That's okay, just get started and enjoy the benefits of losing weight!
Get my Online Weight Loss Coaching and start the complete process immediately.
I'm here to help you. My passion is helping women remove judgment and restore love so they can lose weight. I know I can help you.
This blog is for women. Adult, middle-aged women like myself. For women in a loving relationship where sex can be wonderful and life-giving. If this doesn't apply to you, then... don't read ahead.
First, a few disclaimers: I am not a sex therapist. I am not a doctor, relationship counselor, judge, or moral code compass. I am not telling anyone to have sex, not have sex, or why or how to have sex. Far be it from me to tell anyone how to enjoy their own personal life. This blog is about weight loss. By reading ahead, you acknowledge the above disclaimers. :)
Think weight loss starts in the kitchen or grocery store or has anything to do with food? What if I told you... it doesn't start with food at all, it starts with you and your body.
And so... it may start in the bedroom.
Yes. Weight loss starts in the bedroom.
That's right, I'm talking about sex. After all, it is where new life, in general, is conceived.
Women about to begin your weight loss journey... you are beginning a new life.
So WHAT in the world does sex have to do with weight loss? Well, a lot. And it's not because it burns calories or releases wonderful stress-releasing endorphins that make you feel better. After all, I can tell you for me (as is the case for a lot of women), I was previously gaining weight while I was having sex with my husband... so there blows those theories.
So what about my sex life helped me lose weight? It has nothing to do with the physical act of sex.
Then what? What about sex can facilitate successful weight loss for you?
Here it is:
Your ATTITUDE about sex!
Okay... I'm going to get really blunt here... it's about LOVING sex!! I am going to speak bluntly and directly, because I know how so many women around my age feel about sex. It's a chore, a weapon, or leaves you cold. Whatever it is, a lot of times, it's not a good feeling.
Maybe your church has indoctrinated you into believing you must fulfill your man's needs no matter what you are feeling out of proper submission. Then giving your body to sex is a chore. And chores are no fun.
Maybe you've fallen into the habit of manipulating your man with sex, using it as a weapon. Then using your body for sex is a weapon. And weapons hurt people.
Maybe you've just completely turned yourself off to sex for one reason or another and your sex life is as cold as ice. Then abstaining your body from sex is like a freezer. And freezers leave you frozen.
If your sex life is in one of these three states - a chore, a weapon, or a freezer, then I'm guessing you're NOT loving sex and your sex life is not helping you lose weight.
Let me explain. Why must you LOVE sex? Because of what that means to love sex. It means you are not having sex out of obligation (a chore), to hurt anyone (a weapon) or feeling frozen (like a freezer). Because trust me, the only way to truly love sex is when none of those things apply. It means you are having sex out of your own desire, purity of heart, and because it makes you feel warm all over!!
Now here is how this all translates into your weight loss success!!!
When a woman gives her body in sex out of obligation, there will soon not only be resentment, but the belief that her body is not her own. Not having sex out of obligation communicates to your brain that you own your own body. When you take complete ownership of your body, your decisions in managing your weight will reflect this ownership. (This is why often young mothers who have children hanging on them all the time, feel like their bodies are not their own, and they have a really difficult time managing their weight.) Never have sex out of obligation because only you own your body and only you get to decide when you want to have sex. Observe the difference in how you manage your weight when you have 100% ownership of your body.
When a woman uses her body in sex as a weapon, she has the awareness, even if only subconsciously, that her intentions are selfish and the belief that she is bad because of that. Not using sex to hurt anyone communicates to your brain that your heart is pure. When your heart is pure, you know you can trust it. When you trust your heart, your decisions in managing your weight will reflect this trust. Never use sex as a weapon because you don't have intentions to hurt someone and you are not bad; your heart is pure. You can trust your heart and respect all your desires. Respecting your desire to lose weight will mean you lose weight!
When a woman turns herself off from sex and abstains, she steps into the freezer and will soon find herself frozen, completely closed off from receiving physical love. There is just nothing good about this at all. Nothing warm, nothing life-giving, no communication of love for her body to receive. Physical love is simply love communicated physically. That's what sex can give you - the opportunity to receive love, love communicated directly to your body. Why put that in the freezer? Are you saving it for the future? Well, last I checked, all of us middle-aged women aren't getting any younger... just sayin'. :) Step out of the freezer and give your body some heat. Watch the pounds melt off!
So what does this loving sex attitude really mean for you, your body and your brain?
It means you love your body. It means you love the experience of sex for yourself. You love your body through receiving sex and you love your partner through giving your body, creating an infinite loop of giving and receiving. This infinity loop communicates powerful messages to your brain.
If you really love sex, not only does it communicate that YOU are worthy of LOVE, but also that you have permission to take pleasure in your body. Taking pleasure in your body means you seek for it to please you with the way it looks and feels! Weight loss! :)
I want you to LOVE having sex. I want you to LOVE it for yourself. Enjoy it for yourself. Receive it as an expression of LOVE. An expression of LOVE for you and your body.
Make love for yourself, women. Make love for yourself. And that's all I got to say about that.
Again, not a sex therapist. Not a moral code compass. Just my personal beliefs. And experiences with successful weight loss.
I can help you experience successful weight loss! That's what I specialize in! :)
I am here to help you get the body you want... and maybe enjoy your sex life more! ;)
Wouldn't you love to know?!
From my C-section scar to the pin in my ear, my body has a lot of stories it could tell.
But it's not what my body could tell you... it's about what it does tell you. See, my body speaks. Actually, every body's body speaks.
75% of communication is non-verbal and believe me, you... you can say whatever you want with your lips, but if your body speaks something differently than your mouth, people will believe your body over what you say.
That's why you would never hire a small, light-weight body-guard, or an over-weight weight loss coach! Your body will always speak louder than your words!
So what? Well... every time you meet new people or walk into a room, your body is communicating. Do you know what your body is communicating for you?
I know what my body is communicating. When I walk into a room, my body communicates I take care of myself; it is communicating that I am confident, secure, and comfortable in my own skin. It actually is communicating all 7 steps of The Losing Coach Process - Power, Truth, LOVE, Faith, Hope, Self-Control and Grace.
Ultimately, it communicates - I am OKAY with me.
And that creates authenticity. And now whatever I say, in accordance with what my body is communicating, is 100% authentic.
I can help you achieve the body that will be 100% authentic to you! That's what I specialize in! :)
Begin with 28 Days to Permanent Weight Loss and start the process now! I'm here to help!
Why do I even have to say it?
A woman's body is not evil?
I mean, who said it was?
Well it started with the original Bible story in the Old Testament of Adam and Eve. As you may (or may not) know, the famous story is about how Adam blames Eve for his decision to eat the forbidden fruit. See... the original sin started with a woman, a sin she committed with her body... eating. The body doing evil originated with her, not Adam. Whether you believe in it literally or not, it's interesting, huh? It certainly sets the tone for how history would end up playing out.
Throughout history, throughout different cultures, "sins" committed with the body... were the woman's fault. Adulterous women were stoned to death, not adulterous men. Unwanted pregnancies, prostitution, and adultery, though all require two to tango ... women have been held responsible for the "evil".
Interestingly enough, the evil "sins" that women are held responsible for are all sexual in nature. Other sins such as lying or stealing, men and women were/are held to the same standard. It is ONLY for the sexual sins that women are primarily blamed for.
This is telling, folks. Think about it. Why aren't men as equally to blame for the same sin?
The answer: Power.
And I'm not talking about a man's power. A woman's body is powerful.
There's a reason why society (including men and women) blame the woman for sexual sins... her body is THAT powerful.
See, it's not just men who wanted to stone the adulterous woman and imprison the prostitutes. Trust me. How's that saying go?... "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." The scorned and jealous women wanted the women using their bodies punished too, not just the men.
See, this is not about blaming men. This isn't about blaming anyone.
It is to explain that your body is not evil, it is powerful.
It has the power to create and birth life, provide care and comfort, and quite frankly, bring men to their knees. That's powerful.
Your body is not evil. It's powerful.
I hope you'll come to live the truth of your power. I'm here to help you any way I can.
Thank you for our call today. It was nice to connect, and to receive the presence of your authenticity and radiant beauty (just being honest)! Your tip on remembering the importance of the Reward (to remember and visualize the result of the hard work) I think will help me to stay focused and inspired. I also feel that it was a relief to be encouraged to respect my feelings, in particular to want to feel and look amazing without feeling guilt or shame. I will try my best to treat myself and my weight loss habits as if I was I was changing a poopy diaper for my baby's well-being, or readjusting my mothers pillow to allow her to be more comfortable.
It was truly my pleasure to connect with you, and what a joy to be honest! :)
It IS SO IMPORTANT to respect your feelings. ALL of them. Because you can't help what you feel. You can only help what you do about your feelings. And stuffing or denying them only hurts you.
And YES!! You do deserve to feel and look amazing without guilt or shame!!!!
I hope you are feeling better, doing well, and continue to remove all judgment.
The reason we have to give grace to ourselves is because there's no grace in math. If we only look to the scale to tell us whether we're succeeding or not, whether we're doing a good job being a woman or not, whether we've been good or bad, we will stay imprisoned in judgment and NEVER get what we truly long for...feeling good about ourselves and loving our bodies.
So it's very important to connect with all that LOVE inside of you!! :)
My process is VERY SIMPLE and 2 fold:
1. The Reality of Truth
2. The Removal of Judgment
Without The Removal of Judgment, The Reality of Truth will make you feel like a failure, and that it's hopeless for you, no matter what you try.
Permanent weight loss is impossible without The Removal of Judgment. I happen to specialize in it. Please let me help you.
Start today with my Online Coaching!
Shelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®.