Perhaps you don't have exclusive control over your check book, and you must discuss the finances you want to invest in your weight loss with your husband or significant other. It's a bit daunting to you, as you fear the usual "How much more money are you going to waste on another diet program that won't work?" or "Why do you even need any help doing this?", "Geez, can't you just do what I do?", "You have a gym membership, just go to the gym!" Whatever it is you anticipating hearing, the thought of once again submitting to their approval for you to do this for yourself, leaves you feeling helpless. Here is how to have this conversation and achieve the outcome you want from it.
I once had a woman in my office who told me how wonderful her husband was, but bottom line, he controlled the check book because he made all the money. Here's what I coached her to do:
1. The very first thing that you must do is open his ears to hear you. The way to do that - express gratitude. Say this (in your own words to him): "Thank you for providing us financial security."
2. The next thing you must do is tell him you are not wasting money on "another weight loss program" - You are investing in YOURSELF.
3. And finally, tell him what it will give him: "This will provide me emotional security."
Now tell me, what man doesn't want that?? What man doesn't want his wife to have emotional security? A woman's emotional security is to a man what financial security is to a woman! Say these words to him and he will want you to do this for yourself! "I want to provide for you my emotional security."
It's simple and here it is all together: "I appreciate what you have provided for me - financial security. I am not wasting money on another weight loss program, I am investing in myself. I am investing in myself because I want to provide for you my emotional security."
If he wants more details, please let me him know the end result for him will be a thin, happy, sexy, beautiful, and confident wife! Could he really want any more? Ask him. It's worth the investment in yourself!
I remember my Grandma Bennett always telling me I had to get thicker skin. On Sunday afternoons at her house, I would recount all the insults and injuries (I call them arrows) from people and situations that had come my way that week in search for her reassurance that I hadn't done anything wrong. She would listen and gasp at appropriate times listening to my stories of "she said this" and "he did that" and always give me the same advice at the end - "Shelley, you have to get thicker skin."
I understood what Grandma was saying, but inside, I disagreed with her and wondered, "How am I supposed to act like this doesn't hurt me?" Having "thick skin" was not in keeping with what I was experiencing and who I was; it was not being honest with myself. Insults did hurt me. My skin was thin. I did certainly manage to "get thick skin" in the way of gaining weight and literally creating for myself a "thick skin" (weight gain is the physical manifestation of the emotional injuries), although that's not what Grandma meant.
I tried to learn from people with "thick-skin" and tried to figure out how they could just let things roll off their shoulders so easily. But no matter how hard I studied or tried, I never acquired the knack. However, I did discover a certain truth about myself. I am not "thick-skinned" and never will be. In fact, quite the opposite, I am extremely thin-skinned, always have been and always will be. This will never change. And actually, now I'm glad.
Let's look at this practically. Your skin is a layer, the first layer. Beneath it lies your heart. If your skin is thin like mine, arrows (insults and injuries) will then penetrate through your skin and hit your heart. Ouch! That's really painful because hearts are soft and they bleed! Your skin is a protective layer. Many people therefore, grow thick skin to protect their heart. Makes sense.
So what happens when your skin is thin and your heart gets hit? Well your heart is a muscle. Like in working out, your muscles grow stronger as a result of the repair work it does to the "injury". As my thin-skinned allowed arrows to penetrate through and hit my heart, every time my heart repaired itself, it got stronger. The greater the injury, the greater the repair work, the greater strength I developed. I now see my heart is strong. I am thin-skinned with a strong heart.
People become "thick-skinned" from their own fear that their heart is not strong enough to handle the hit. Therefore, they must thicken up the first protective layer. Over time, their skin gets thicker and thicker, however, their heart gets no stronger. Listen, arrows are not going to stop coming, they are always going to come, it's just called living life. You don't need to thicken up your skin, you need to have a stronger heart, you need to repair and restore the injuries that hit it.
Restore and repair your heart with love and gratitude. Heal it with truth. The same truth I was looking to get from my grandma.... A simple, "You didn't do anything wrong." A simple removal of blame. Remove the blame, and you can restore your heart. This will make your heart strong.
How does this tie into weight loss? Like this: Work on restoring and repairing your heart, and your emotional injuries won't need a "thick skin" called weight gain. I am figuratively and literally thin-skinned. I love my strong heart. I am grateful for all the injuries that made it strong. Love and gratitude, combined with the truth, healed me. When you become strong-hearted, you can be thin-skinned. Thin-skinned with a strong heart.
Shelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®.
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