Are you kind-hearted, kind-minded or both? There's a difference.
Kind-hearted people don't intentionally hurt another.
When you think of a kind-hearted person, you think of someone who's always nice and sweet, that guy or gal that will help you out, lend a supportive ear, or do nice things.
But this is actually different than being kind-minded.
Kind-minded people are intentional about not hurting another.
Read the difference again:
Kind-hearted people don't intentionally hurt another.
Kind-minded people are intentional about not hurting another.
The difference is in intention.
Kind-heartedness comes from an innate gentle nature in your heart (unplanned).
Kind-mindedness comes from an awareness, a well-thought out intention (more planned).
To be kind-minded, one must use their mind, to think, look ahead, strategize, if you will, in considering, if what they say or do could or would lead to a chain reaction of events that would hurt someone.
They consider all their words and actions, how they will be received, the reaction it may provoke in another, and whether it might cause pain or not.
Think of it like the game of chess, being quite strategic. Every good chess player must be able to think forward, considering all the possible moves and outcomes from their decision. The farther ahead they can think, the more possible outcomes they can consider at one time, the more information they can hold in their head while considering the best move, the better move they will make.
Kind-mindedness is like emotional chess.
Kind-mindedness requires a very high level of emotional intelligence. The farther ahead you can think, the more possible outcomes you can consider at one time, the more information you can hold in your head while considering what you will say or do, the more kind-minded you will be.
I know a lot of kind-hearted people who are not kind-minded. Their heart may be good, but their words and actions hurt people because they do not think ahead with enough consideration of possible outcomes. They may not carefully consider the ramifications of their words or actions.
If you know a kind, good person, who is always hurting people, and not meaning to, they lack kind-mindedness.
Read the difference again:
Kind-hearted people don't intentionally hurt another (but they could unintentionally).
Kind-minded people are intentional about not hurting another (so they make sure they don't).
I have been described as kind-hearted. I know the truth is I am more kind-minded. Well, of course, I hope I'm really both, but I know that what people observe about me is more my kind-mindedness.
The goal is to be both - kind-hearted and kind-minded. With both, you have kindness fully in your character, in heart and mind.
Kindness, specifically, kindness to yourself is what makes my weight loss process so powerful. You will make sure that you bring yourself no harm. Everyone tells me that one of the most poignant moments in Erin's Journey is when I asked her "Haven't you suffered enough?"
Ask yourself, "Haven't you suffered enough?" If you've suffered with your weight for long enough, it's time to be kind-hearted and kind-minded to yourself right now. You can begin today with Online Coaching.
Silence is one of the "golden rules" and key principles here at The Losing Coach. It is the first piece of coaching advice I give women. I say, "I love referrals, but I don't need them." Keep what you are doing with losing weight private. Very private. Extremely private. 100% private.
This privacy is going to empower you in ways you can't imagine until you experience it. What you are doing, what you are eating, and your own decisions in everything you do with your diet and your weight is no one else's business. A number of women have been moved to tears in the greatest sense of relief they have ever felt when I tell them to keep it private. Someone has finally given them the respect and honor that a woman transforming her body deserves.
When you finally close down comments from the peanut gallery, you realize that your weight issue on display for the world to see and comment on, has been demoralizing to you as a woman. At the Losing Coach, we protect you from this kind of humiliation by giving you permission to keep this 100% private.
Most other weight loss programs do not encourage you to do this. I do, because I know it will empower you to lose weight. Other weight loss programs want you to tell the world what you are doing, because they are not really about helping you lose weight for good; they are about growing their business. In giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they are just not aware of how powerful it is to keep what you are doing private. Perhaps they don't care about how personal and intimate this journey is for you.
This silence then starts to go both ways. When we silence ourselves from speaking about our diets, we start to also silence the voices we once listened to, that encroach upon our own decision-making skills, from the diet industry. The diet industry has made what is so simple (weight loss) so complicated. The industry has brain-washed people so well, everyone now thinks losing weight is difficult, complicated, and beyond the average person's ability to achieve. When you silence those voices and pay no attention to the latest fad, the complicated plans, and the co-dependency the diet companies want you to buy into, you will begin to find losing weight is rather simple, you will find the power to lose weight you've always dreamed of having is inside of you! Find it here through The Seven Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery!
My husband slept with a new woman every night. And each woman continued to look younger and sexier than the one before. It's what no woman wants to hear, know, or admit - The new woman is thinner, prettier, and more fun!
Was I jealous? No. Not at all. Because each new woman was me.
During my weight loss, I literally was a new woman every day. People used to ask me what my husband felt about having a wife with such significant weight loss, and I would reply, "Well he loves it! He gets to sleep with a new woman every night!"
He'd often over-hear me say this and smile. He smiled. He would then acknowledge that was the truth.
Now the question is - was he actually more physically attracted to me day by day? Yes and No.
First, trust me, someone who lives with you every day is not going to physically notice the 5 lbs you lost in one month. He was not attracted to the slightly less weight on my body day to day.
What he was attracted to, day by day, was that I was a little less angry, a little less anxious, and a little less closed off to him (and the world.)
I was also a lot more - a lot more happy with myself, more confident, and more physically comfortable in my own skin. Talk about a combination most men are attracted to!
Every night. New woman. And he had my full permission to enjoy each new woman.
Every man's dream come true. I know. :)
Would you like to join me? Contact me to get you started now!
I want to share a brief text conversation with a Shelley's Club member, what it spoke to me, and what it means.
Her: "Major win on the scale this morning! Under 200!"
Me: "OMG!!! That's awesome!!! Wow! Sooooo happy!!! :) <3"
Her: "Me too. Can't wait to celebrate today with good solid decisions and smiles galore :)"
That was it. But her last text there spoke to me and has significant meaning.
First, for any woman that's ever weighed over 200 lbs... you know how significant this kind of milestone is. To no longer be a 200 lb woman is an unbelievable feeling and accomplishment! :)
Here's what her last text spoke to me - she was speaking truth. Her reaction was truthful. I didn't even ask her how, or even if, she was going to celebrate, and she didn't manufacture a response she thought I wanted to hear, or say it for my sake. I've privately coached this client before, and so I know her response was 100% authentic to who she is.
And what about it has significant meaning? The way she was choosing to celebrate her feeling and accomplishment!
She wasn't going to celebrate on the outside. She wasn't going to spend money on "me time" at the spa, not going to go eat a bunch of cake and reverse her feeling and accomplishment, she was simply going to continue on and smile!! :) SMILES GALORE!! :) She was celebrating on the inside!
THAT is what this is all about - the inside. I keep saying feeling and accomplishment. Because it's more than just an accomplishment. This is about a feeling.
And let me fill you in on what she's feeling - pretty darn good about herself. See, she earned this. She and she alone, no one else. The feeling and accomplishment are both 100% hers. She's not about to reverse it, nor does she need external reward. Because it's an internal reward she already has, and she's holding onto it!!
THAT is significant. Albeit subtle, she's had a very significant difference in her experience with weight loss this time than she ever has before.
She's feeling it on the inside. She's earned it. She has her reward. She's not letting go of it.
You will feel the subtle, significant difference when your weight loss is real - the reward is internal.
My client told me, despite how well she was actually succeeding, she felt like her behavior was "erratic" because she had "binged" one night.
She wanted to be more like me...
I encouraged her to remove the judgment. Off herself. And off me. She was judging herself as being bad and judging me, that somehow I was a better person because I didn't have "erratic" behavior... oh really?
Well I'm no better than anyone else... watch this weight loss coaching to understand.
Don't drive yourself to lose weight.
Wait...What? Why is a weight loss coach telling you not to drive yourself to lose weight?
Because I know it doesn't work.
What then? What works if you don't drive yourself? You know... the workouts, the planning, the food choices, the deprivation...the harder I work at it, shouldn't I be able to achieve it? Well... just ask yourself... how has it worked for you so far?
You wonder, well then what the heck am I supposed to do... nothing? Just lay back, relax, lay out in the sun and eat grapes all day? Well, honestly... why not? That would be a great start! :)
You've been driving yourself so hard, you're grinding your gears, and if you're grinding your gears, you're going to blow 'em out quickly. That's why it doesn't work.
Don't forget as I coach in my weight loss coaching, the struggle with weight is like quick sand. And the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. So yes, I really do want you to relax and lean back. Stop struggling.
It's not only possible to lose weight without driving yourself to it, it's more than likely you will have success if you are relaxed and happy.
That's what I'm here to help you with - relaxing and feeling happy! So lean back and relax. Eat grapes. Lay out in the sun. All of it!
A happy woman is a beautiful woman. Give yourself a break... Your weight will take care of itself. :)
Everything actually. Love has everything to do with permanent weight loss.
When a woman struggles with her weight, she is experiencing a lack of Love in one or more of the following ways:
Care, Comfort, Provision or Protection.
In Day 7 of my Online Course, I show how Love is a vital component of weight loss. Love does 4 specific things: Cares, Comforts, Provides and Protects.
Through no fault of her own, when a woman struggles with her weight, there is a lack in her life.
Read that again: Through no fault of her own, there is a lack in her life.
This truth is crucial in being able to get the need met.
The foundation of our process is The Removal of Judgment and the Restoration of Love so that a woman can address The Truth about Weight Loss. My coaching shows women how to do this in very practical, doable steps.
One of the steps that I teach is how to give Care, Comfort, Provision and Protection to yourself.
A woman has both masculine and feminine energies. Usually one more dominate than the other, sometimes equally, but always both.
Your feminine energy receives Care, Comfort, Provision and Protection through The 4 D's:
Desire means you are wanted. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is welcomed, wanted and worthy of attention.
Dignity means you are honored, respected, and valued. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is held in the highest esteem...you are seen as and treated like, a queen.
Devotion means you are cherished. You experience being told and shown that who are, and what you do is precious beyond compare, with a worth beyond measure.
Discovery means that you are known. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is glorious, magical, magnetic, powerful, unique... And there is always space for your voice to be heard.
Your masculine energy receives Care, Comfort, Provision and Protection through The 4 A's:
Acknowledgment means you are recognized. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is seen and respected.
Affirmation means that you are significant. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is welcomed, wanted and worthy of respect.
Appreciation means that you are notable. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is worthy of gratitude and recognition.
Adoration means that you are heroic. You experience being told and shown that who you are, and what you do is worthy of honor and praise...in public and in private.
To experience permanent, stress-free weight loss, you must know where your heart and life are lacking in Love.
How do you discover your area of lack? No psycho-analysis required! I promise!
But it does require learning your dominant experience of Love, knowing whether you are primarily feminine or masculine in your expression of Love, and discovering the unique ways you want and need Loved.
This is my niche at Losing Coach®! Helping you Love yourself so that you can experience the body you've longed for. Being at peace with your self and finally free from the struggle with your weight.
I invite you to contact me and let me help you permanently and in a simple, healthy way, fall in love with your self and lose the weight, once and for all.
My Online Course will get you started immediately!
I can't wait to help you!!
Like John Lennon says, "Some say I'm a dreamer..."
Rings very true for me! I am a dreamer! (Of course, I'm a Pisces, for anyone that appreciates astrology - Pisces is a water sign and we are the dreamers. My sun is in Pisces, my mercury in Pisces, and my north node is in Pisces too! That's A LOT of water, a lot of dreaming! :)) Dreaming is my purpose.
So it's very very true - I. AM. A. DREAMER.
Let me tell you what I've dreamed of.
All my life I was overweight and quite frankly, miserable because of that. I dreamed of being thin my entire life. I dreamed of having a body I felt comfortable in, confident it, and sexy in! I wanted to wear bikinis, I wanted to look and feel attractive...
I wanted what I didn't have. It was painful. But... I never ever stopped dreaming of it.
I held onto my dream.
I couldn't escape it. I couldn't be dishonest with myself and act like I didn't want it. I DID want it. And I wanted it badly!
So here's where I am today - I have actualized my dream. I have the body I've always dreamed of having; I have the body I want.
So now what?
Well... I. AM. A. DREAMER. I never stop dreaming! So what do I dream of now?
I dream for you!
I dream of you being thin. I dream of you having a body you feel comfortable in, confident it, and sexy in! I want you to wear bikinis, I want you to look and feel attractive!!
I want your dream to come true! I want to help you actualize your dream!
Please receive my encouragement! Please let me help you!
You can start right now with my Online Coaching.
This is my purpose now. To help you make your dream come true!
Please. Let me help you. I care so very much about your dream.
If you’re here to find out how to lose weight, I’m going to tell you right here and now. And I can tell you my secret very simply. I can tell you in one sentence.
Not only can I tell you in one sentence, I can tell you in two words – Eat Less.
Yes, that’s right. Eat less. You already know this. That’s not why you’re here – to hear me tell you that. Everyone knows this.
(And in case you don’t believe me, I could lock you up in a cage on a deserted island and prove that eating less will result in weight loss to you real quickly!)
See, you don’t need someone to tell you how to lose weight, because you know how. What you’re wanting is the how to the how to… how do do that? How do you eat less on a day-in and day-out basis to result in the weight loss you desire?
This is what you want. You simply want the ability to eat less. You’ve been convinced you must go do something to lose weight. But you discover very quickly, nothing you can do will give you weight loss results if you’re eating more.
You want the ability to eat less. And the good news is - eating less can actually be pretty effortless if your appetite is decreased. (You know like when you have the stomach flu, and your brain turns off your appetite for a while, it’s super easy to eat less.)
You want your appetite decreased. You honestly don’t need to set aside your life to go do something. You want the ability to eat less.
How do you do that?
You train the brain. You simply train the brain. That’s our entire process.
It’s funny, people would ask me – “How did you lose weight?”
And I think, “I can’t answer that question. How am I supposed to answer that question?"
"Do you want me to tell you scientifically? Emotionally? Psychologically? Spiritually? I can’t answer that question. It was so many things.”
The ability to eat less came from everything I was doing. Remember, this is what you want – the ability to eat less. (You wouldn’t need the ability to eat less… if I could lock you up in a cage on a deserted island. On a deserted Island, you’d lose weight! But you have a life and you don’t want me to lock you up in a cage on a deserted island.)
So now you’re saying “I need the ability to do this for myself. I need the ability to put into practice this process” that will help train your brain to decrease your appetite. It’s a process. So there is no pat answer. I really cannot tell you how I lost weight until you go through the process. And you experience it. Because it’s going to train your brain, which will decrease your appetite, which will give you the ability to put into practice the very thing that you long to do, which is to eat less, to lose weight.
That’s what you want to do. It’s simple. It’s so simple. The science is simple. The psychological part of it. The emotional part of it. The spiritual part of it. It’s really very simple. But it’s not just one thing.
I can help you with everything!! This is what I do. If you want your appetite decreased for the ability to eat less, begin our online coaching today!
WARNING. Nudity. It is the state of nakedness being revealed!
And why should I be ashamed of my naked body? I wasn’t born ashamed of my body. I was born naked and quite happy about being naked, until at some point in my toddler years, I learned running around naked was not appropriate. Hence, began my conditioning to be ashamed of my body. And I have been ashamed of revealing my naked body ever since. (But not as much as I used to be. See my brave photo to left.) I become less ashamed of my body the more I realize that I haven’t done anything wrong.
See the idea of being ashamed of your body comes from the original Bible story. Whether you believe in it literally or not, is completely up to you. Literally or metaphorically, the story paints a picture that is revealing (no pun intended) of our feelings about our bodies and where our shame comes from.
The story, as I recall (and I’m no Bible scholar) started with Adam and Eve living happily and care-free in the Garden of Eden, unashamed of their naked bodies. They were not even aware they were naked. It was only their natural state and nothing to be ashamed of.
Then, they “sinned” against God. “Sin” meant they did something wrong. They had eaten of the fruit they were commanded not to eat of. All of a sudden, they became aware of their naked bodies and they were ashamed. So they covered up. God asked them “Who told you you were naked?”
The answer – nobody. Adam and Eve weren’t told by anyone they were naked. As soon as they felt they had done something wrong and anticipated coming under judgment, they felt ashamed and wanted to cover up.
And so it was when we were all toddlers… as we were running around naked, all delighted as a free bird could be, and all of a sudden, we were corrected and informed to put our clothes on. (And as it should be, our parents were only properly acclimating us into societal norms of wearing clothes. It’s all good.) It was during these moments, that we started feeling that we were doing something wrong. We were, after all, being corrected and disciplined by our parents to stop running around naked. We were becoming aware that we were doing something wrong, and we started feeling ashamed. It was our “first sin” and we actually all reacted the exact same way Adam and Eve did in the story – with shame.
Now broaden this and know that it’s not just about being ashamed of our naked bodies, but our bodies in general. Feeling ashamed of your body, naked or not, comes from the absorption of judgment. It is through the slow absorption of receiving message after message that we’ve done something wrong. From the way you look, to the things you’ve done…. if you believe you’ve done something wrong, you will naturally feel ashamed of your body. (It’s a pre-programmed response in your brain.)
And the more ashamed of your body you become, the more you will cover it up. You will hide it, you will be embarrassed of it, and most likely gain weight because of it. The absorption of judgment creates a chain of events in the heart and mind that increases the appetite. This is the emotional component of gaining weight.
So how can you experience the removal of this judgment and re-program the brain to decrease your appetite and lose weight? Sign up now for my Online Coaching. I can help you to achieve the weight loss you desire!
The body you dream of is underneath you right now. I promise, it is.
Well obviously, underneath a few layers of fat you want to lose, but primarily... underneath judgment.
Yes. I can almost guarantee this.
Unless you were put in handcuffs and force fed to overeat, the very subconscious reason for your weight gain is judgment.
So we must take it off.
Remove all judgment.
Judgment is an invisible weight on your shoulders. When you walk around with weight on your shoulders, you walk around with a heavy heart. A heavy heart manifests into a heavy body.
You have to take off the judgment.
We have to lighten your heart. We have to lighten this load on your shoulders.
Take it off! You have to take this off. You have to. This is not for feel good fuzzies. It's really not. I'm not trying to just make you feel good. I'm trying to help you tap into the power inside of you that will help you.
And the power inside of you that's going to help you is the restoration of LOVE. The way to restore that LOVE is to remove the judgment, take it off of you.
I can help you with that. This is what I do. And if you don't believe me and how effective this is in helping you lose weight, check out these before and after photos.
You can begin removing judgment for yourself right now. You may not even be aware of consciously what all this judgment is. That's okay, just get started and enjoy the benefits of losing weight!
Get my Online Weight Loss Coaching and start the complete process immediately.
I'm here to help you. My passion is helping women remove judgment and restore love so they can lose weight. I know I can help you.
This blog is for women. Adult, middle-aged women like myself. For women in a loving relationship where sex can be wonderful and life-giving. If this doesn't apply to you, then... don't read ahead.
First, a few disclaimers: I am not a sex therapist. I am not a doctor, relationship counselor, judge, or moral code compass. I am not telling anyone to have sex, not have sex, or why or how to have sex. Far be it from me to tell anyone how to enjoy their own personal life. This blog is about weight loss. By reading ahead, you acknowledge the above disclaimers. :)
Think weight loss starts in the kitchen or grocery store or has anything to do with food? What if I told you... it doesn't start with food at all, it starts with you and your body.
And so... it may start in the bedroom.
Yes. Weight loss starts in the bedroom.
That's right, I'm talking about sex. After all, it is where new life, in general, is conceived.
Women about to begin your weight loss journey... you are beginning a new life.
So WHAT in the world does sex have to do with weight loss? Well, a lot. And it's not because it burns calories or releases wonderful stress-releasing endorphins that make you feel better. After all, I can tell you for me (as is the case for a lot of women), I was previously gaining weight while I was having sex with my husband... so there blows those theories.
So what about my sex life helped me lose weight? It has nothing to do with the physical act of sex.
Then what? What about sex can facilitate successful weight loss for you?
Here it is:
Your ATTITUDE about sex!
Okay... I'm going to get really blunt here... it's about LOVING sex!! I am going to speak bluntly and directly, because I know how so many women around my age feel about sex. It's a chore, a weapon, or leaves you cold. Whatever it is, a lot of times, it's not a good feeling.
Maybe your church has indoctrinated you into believing you must fulfill your man's needs no matter what you are feeling out of proper submission. Then giving your body to sex is a chore. And chores are no fun.
Maybe you've fallen into the habit of manipulating your man with sex, using it as a weapon. Then using your body for sex is a weapon. And weapons hurt people.
Maybe you've just completely turned yourself off to sex for one reason or another and your sex life is as cold as ice. Then abstaining your body from sex is like a freezer. And freezers leave you frozen.
If your sex life is in one of these three states - a chore, a weapon, or a freezer, then I'm guessing you're NOT loving sex and your sex life is not helping you lose weight.
Let me explain. Why must you LOVE sex? Because of what that means to love sex. It means you are not having sex out of obligation (a chore), to hurt anyone (a weapon) or feeling frozen (like a freezer). Because trust me, the only way to truly love sex is when none of those things apply. It means you are having sex out of your own desire, purity of heart, and because it makes you feel warm all over!!
Now here is how this all translates into your weight loss success!!!
When a woman gives her body in sex out of obligation, there will soon not only be resentment, but the belief that her body is not her own. Not having sex out of obligation communicates to your brain that you own your own body. When you take complete ownership of your body, your decisions in managing your weight will reflect this ownership. (This is why often young mothers who have children hanging on them all the time, feel like their bodies are not their own, and they have a really difficult time managing their weight.) Never have sex out of obligation because only you own your body and only you get to decide when you want to have sex. Observe the difference in how you manage your weight when you have 100% ownership of your body.
When a woman uses her body in sex as a weapon, she has the awareness, even if only subconsciously, that her intentions are selfish and the belief that she is bad because of that. Not using sex to hurt anyone communicates to your brain that your heart is pure. When your heart is pure, you know you can trust it. When you trust your heart, your decisions in managing your weight will reflect this trust. Never use sex as a weapon because you don't have intentions to hurt someone and you are not bad; your heart is pure. You can trust your heart and respect all your desires. Respecting your desire to lose weight will mean you lose weight!
When a woman turns herself off from sex and abstains, she steps into the freezer and will soon find herself frozen, completely closed off from receiving physical love. There is just nothing good about this at all. Nothing warm, nothing life-giving, no communication of love for her body to receive. Physical love is simply love communicated physically. That's what sex can give you - the opportunity to receive love, love communicated directly to your body. Why put that in the freezer? Are you saving it for the future? Well, last I checked, all of us middle-aged women aren't getting any younger... just sayin'. :) Step out of the freezer and give your body some heat. Watch the pounds melt off!
So what does this loving sex attitude really mean for you, your body and your brain?
It means you love your body. It means you love the experience of sex for yourself. You love your body through receiving sex and you love your partner through giving your body, creating an infinite loop of giving and receiving. This infinity loop communicates powerful messages to your brain.
If you really love sex, not only does it communicate that YOU are worthy of LOVE, but also that you have permission to take pleasure in your body. Taking pleasure in your body means you seek for it to please you with the way it looks and feels! Weight loss! :)
I want you to LOVE having sex. I want you to LOVE it for yourself. Enjoy it for yourself. Receive it as an expression of LOVE. An expression of LOVE for you and your body.
Make love for yourself, women. Make love for yourself. And that's all I got to say about that.
Again, not a sex therapist. Not a moral code compass. Just my personal beliefs. And experiences with successful weight loss.
I can help you experience successful weight loss! That's what I specialize in! :)
I am here to help you get the body you want... and maybe enjoy your sex life more! ;)
Wouldn't you love to know?!
From my C-section scar to the pin in my ear, my body has a lot of stories it could tell.
But it's not what my body could tell you... it's about what it does tell you. See, my body speaks. Actually, every body's body speaks.
75% of communication is non-verbal and believe me, you... you can say whatever you want with your lips, but if your body speaks something differently than your mouth, people will believe your body over what you say.
That's why you would never hire a small, light-weight body-guard, or an over-weight weight loss coach! Your body will always speak louder than your words!
So what? Well... every time you meet new people or walk into a room, your body is communicating. Do you know what your body is communicating for you?
I know what my body is communicating. When I walk into a room, my body communicates I take care of myself; it is communicating that I am confident, secure, and comfortable in my own skin. It actually is communicating all 7 steps of The Losing Coach Process - Power, Truth, LOVE, Faith, Hope, Self-Control and Grace.
Ultimately, it communicates - I am OKAY with me.
And that creates authenticity. And now whatever I say, in accordance with what my body is communicating, is 100% authentic.
I can help you achieve the body that will be 100% authentic to you! That's what I specialize in! :)
Begin with 28 Days to Permanent Weight Loss and start the process now! I'm here to help!
Why do I even have to say it?
A woman's body is not evil?
I mean, who said it was?
Well it started with the original Bible story in the Old Testament of Adam and Eve. As you may (or may not) know, the famous story is about how Adam blames Eve for his decision to eat the forbidden fruit. See... the original sin started with a woman, a sin she committed with her body... eating. The body doing evil originated with her, not Adam. Whether you believe in it literally or not, it's interesting, huh? It certainly sets the tone for how history would end up playing out.
Throughout history, throughout different cultures, "sins" committed with the body... were the woman's fault. Adulterous women were stoned to death, not adulterous men. Unwanted pregnancies, prostitution, and adultery, though all require two to tango ... women have been held responsible for the "evil".
Interestingly enough, the evil "sins" that women are held responsible for are all sexual in nature. Other sins such as lying or stealing, men and women were/are held to the same standard. It is ONLY for the sexual sins that women are primarily blamed for.
This is telling, folks. Think about it. Why aren't men as equally to blame for the same sin?
The answer: Power.
And I'm not talking about a man's power. A woman's body is powerful.
There's a reason why society (including men and women) blame the woman for sexual sins... her body is THAT powerful.
See, it's not just men who wanted to stone the adulterous woman and imprison the prostitutes. Trust me. How's that saying go?... "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." The scorned and jealous women wanted the women using their bodies punished too, not just the men.
See, this is not about blaming men. This isn't about blaming anyone.
It is to explain that your body is not evil, it is powerful.
It has the power to create and birth life, provide care and comfort, and quite frankly, bring men to their knees. That's powerful.
Your body is not evil. It's powerful.
I hope you'll come to live the truth of your power. I'm here to help you any way I can.
Thank you for our call today. It was nice to connect, and to receive the presence of your authenticity and radiant beauty (just being honest)! Your tip on remembering the importance of the Reward (to remember and visualize the result of the hard work) I think will help me to stay focused and inspired. I also feel that it was a relief to be encouraged to respect my feelings, in particular to want to feel and look amazing without feeling guilt or shame. I will try my best to treat myself and my weight loss habits as if I was I was changing a poopy diaper for my baby's well-being, or readjusting my mothers pillow to allow her to be more comfortable.
It was truly my pleasure to connect with you, and what a joy to be honest! :)
It IS SO IMPORTANT to respect your feelings. ALL of them. Because you can't help what you feel. You can only help what you do about your feelings. And stuffing or denying them only hurts you.
And YES!! You do deserve to feel and look amazing without guilt or shame!!!!
I hope you are feeling better, doing well, and continue to remove all judgment.
The reason we have to give grace to ourselves is because there's no grace in math. If we only look to the scale to tell us whether we're succeeding or not, whether we're doing a good job being a woman or not, whether we've been good or bad, we will stay imprisoned in judgment and NEVER get what we truly long for...feeling good about ourselves and loving our bodies.
So it's very important to connect with all that LOVE inside of you!! :)
My process is VERY SIMPLE and 2 fold:
1. The Reality of Truth
2. The Removal of Judgment
Without The Removal of Judgment, The Reality of Truth will make you feel like a failure, and that it's hopeless for you, no matter what you try.
Permanent weight loss is impossible without The Removal of Judgment. I happen to specialize in it. Please let me help you.
Determine how much weight you can lose with Losing Coach.
Here's something fun to know! When I started losing weight - I had a GREAT time!! I mean, I celebrated every step along the way.
I was excited to be 215 lbs, after losing just a few pounds. I was ecstatic to be 199 lbs just to be under 200. I started turning heads at 190 lbs. I celebrated being "overweight" on the bmi chart at 185 lbs. I was totally showing off my body in a bathing suit on the beaches of Hawaii at 175 lbs! I couldn't believe I was in a size 10 at 165 lbs and ...OMG... 149 lbs was totally UNBELIEVABLE for me!!! At 133 lbs Oxygen Magazine purchased my photos. At 128 lbs I went off on a plane to shoot a modeling portfolio.... and that was something I did in secrecy (so no one would stop me) and a few people got mad at me for not telling them.
I came home with a modeling portfolio that started my acting and modeling career, which led to the Mrs. Ohio pageant, which led to creating Losing Coach®!! See how that happens!! :)
Here's a little sneak peak of that private modeling portfolio from December 2007. That not only was I advised to do for professional reasons, but I did for fun, that I did for me!!! (not Playboy, despite rumors :)) Moral of the story - everything is a stepping stone. Everything. Every number you see on the scale, every "destination" you think you've arrived at, etc. Everything is just a stepping stone for you to keep going. So keep going!!! Have a great time doing it, and most importantly... don't listen to too many people's opinions...you must follow your heart!
One of my barriers to weight loss has been my husband (himself 30 pounds overweight, but still pretty athletic). He pesters me about exercise at least once a week, gives me disapproving looks and at least one innuendo a day.
In the past this has made me react...sometimes to move, sometimes to rebel & not move...often to resent. Sometimes to revenge-eat.
We used to be a very active couple (hiking, biking, skiing, etc).
I want to be active again, and will be, but his constant digging is undermining my progress.
I want to be silent about this. There is such power in keeping it to myself.
But last night (on our "date night"), when he confronted me about not being in shape to go hiking/cycling/whatever-he-wants-to-do-this-weekend-or-any-other- time, I couldn't just look away & say nothing.
We were supposedly "talking" ... trying to work out some of our issues.
I said, "I'm taking care of it." To which he smirked sarcastically.
So did his dig this morning. "You should really start exercising again." Said to me before I had even fully awakened.
I went to bed so happy last night (after watching one of the lessons in Online Coaching) saying to myself over & over, "It's working & I'm losing."
No one else bugs me about this. Just him. What do I do?
Thanks & hugs!
Can you relate to this? Me too!! Here's what I told this precious woman:
I know this is going to sound crazy.... but you asked me what to do....
What to do?
Say THANK YOU.
Seriously. I know... he pesters and bugs you... but the point is to END the conversation as soon as possible. Because that is what will help you.
We need to minimize the arrows that get thrown at you, and if you try to argue back or even say, "Shut up!", those things will only fuel more oxygen to the conversation.
The only thing that will end it is saying, "You're right. Thank you."
Listen, this is not about who is right or who is wrong (he is clearly not being nice).... it's about HELPING YOU succeed!!!
I have been through all of this.... and trust me, just say, "You're right, thank you."
That really should end the conversation. If the conversation does continue, saying, "You're right, thank you" will at least take him off the offensive, and continue in a more gentle way.
Saying, "You're right. Thank you," will really grow your "silent confidence" on the INSIDE!! All you need right now is silent confidence on the inside.... that's it. No trying to prove anything, no arguing, let him think he's "the man", whatever.... this is not about him... it's about you!! :)
Much LOVE to you... xoxo... hope this helps!
I am here to help any woman, any time, succeed at weight loss. This woman who wrote me purchased our Online Coaching. It comes with email support from me...just like what you read above.
Get Online Coaching for yourself today. I'm here for you!
I don't know what is going on with me!! I keep waking up in the morning with the expectation that I will focus on my weight in a healthy way and take care of myself, and then I end up doing the opposite! I cannot believe I can lose my confidence so quickly. My confidence is seriously shaken here. I just don't know what is going on.
I just feel like I'm very much on my own here, and I don't want to throw in the towel after the time and effort I've put into my weight loss. Honestly, I am so embarrassed that I'm not being stronger here. I haven't gained any weight, but lately I have been eating sooooo much more than I need that I know a gain is coming soon.
Please. What do I do???
This is an email I just received last night from a precious woman. It could actually be from every woman who contacts me. It could be from myself even. I have said these very things to myself. Erin has said these things to me. We all experience this.
Here's my reply:
Nothing is wrong. All is okay!!! It's okay, seriously. I promise.
You've experienced 3 steps forward, 2 steps back; just like it was for me.
You will not be throwing in the towel.
Here's what I want you to do. Follow these instructions:
1. Go stand against the wall on one side of your room.
2. Take 3 steps forward.
3. Take 2 steps back.
4. Take 3 steps forward.
5. Take 2 steps back.
6. Take 3 steps forward.
7. Take 2 steps back.
Did you get to the other side of the room?
Your answer reveals your weight loss journey!!! :)
It doesn't matter if you see a gain soon. It's okay. It just means you're ready to take 3 steps forward now!! :)
Permanent weight loss is about 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.
One of the reasons people don't experience permanent weight loss is because they didn't know the reality of the 3 Steps Forward and 2 Steps Back Principle.
Weight loss is a journey of one step at a time. It's a process. There's no magic pill or hidden biology to be discovered. We don't need more research into this.
What we need is LOVE and GRACE.
When someone experiences the 2-Steps-Back part of the journey, they think something's wrong with them, and they're a failure. They throw in the towel, succumbing to the lie that permanent weight loss is impossible.
The key is to recognize your current location. When you can see where you are in the journey, you'll know what step to take next.
I'd love to help you apply the 3 Steps Forward and 2 Steps Back Principle for yourself. Take my Online Course and connect with me for support.
It's this way...
Successful weight loss. We all want it!
And now, I'm going to tell you some raw truth about it ... Not everyone is going to like your weight loss.
I know. You think everyone will be happy for you. I mean, how could they not be?
Often our clients are faced with the shock of discovering that a few friends and/or family members start to act differently after their successful weight loss ... They start to act jealous.
This can create tension that slowly builds over time. Eventually they say things like, "You've changed." Or even, "I liked you better fat."
These are the very words I heard from a few people that just couldn't handle the change in me.
But it's more than just change; it's a shift of power.
Trust me, successful weight loss can be a threat to friends and family.
This is because you become more powerful as more of your glory is revealed. Not just through your physical change, but through your confidence and joy.
Sometimes you work through this rift in the relationship, sometimes not. The result in a strengthened or weakened relationship depends on the people. And yes, these people are other women.
Women will be jealous.
And men will notice you.
Know that your weight has, in many ways, protected you from men.
Most women, in one way or another, at one point (or more) in their lives, have experienced pain from men. They've been used, abused or rejected by a man (or men). The extra weight has protected them from experiencing these painful emotions again, as it has provided a cocoon.
This is why the restoration of LOVE through self-compassion, and the removal of judgment are so very important. It will heal your heart and bring you to the place of no longer needing the cocoon to protect yourself.
The exciting news is the result of what actually happens after you work through the shift of power.
As you come out of your cocoon with glory and joy, and carry the energy of confidence from losing weight successfully ... YOU WILL EARN EVERYONE'S RESPECT.
If it's time for you to come out of the cocoon, begin the 7 Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery today! You will love it!! I promise.
We all know anyone is able to do lose weight when they have power over food.
Wouldn't you like to have Power Over Food??
I mean, let's face it...if only you had more power than the food has over you.
Women come to Losing Coach® so focused on food, they have become addicted. They are a slave to food and then...it has power over them. Yes, we're talking about food addiction. And if you are overweight at all, there is most likely, some level of food addiction happening.
I know, because I was a food addict.
I healed myself of this addiction.
How do we heal ourselves of addictions? Well we certainly should not keep focusing on the thing we're addicted to... that's like asking an alcoholic to be a bartender, or a sex addict to watch more porn... that's absurd!! This only fuels the addiction.
And that is what "dieting" and typical menu-based, food-glorifying, and food-shaming weight loss programs are doing to people....fueling their food addiction.
Now you can understand how absurd it is that the diet industry is telling us to focus on food!
If you have a food addiction - do NOT focus on food!
Get POWER OVER IT.
So how do you get power over food?
The Losing Coach® Process!! By putting all 7 steps into practice. (Power, Truth, Love, Faith, Hope, Self-Control, and Grace) I'm not kidding!!
Put this process into practice - the delayed gratification, the love, believing in your purpose, setting goals, the journaling, the removal of judgment...and food becomes exactly what it's meant to be - fuel for your body. And now you can see food for exactly what it is - there to serve you. It is there to give you energy.
You can enjoy eating without judgment or fear that you will gain weight when you manage your decisions from a place of truth and non-judgment.
This is POWER OVER FOOD.
POWER OVER FOOD:
To learn how to put the Losing Coach® Process into practice for yourself, take my 28 Days to Permanent Weight Loss Course. I will show you, step by step, how I live in power over food...without struggling, butt-kicking, or deprivation. You can too.
The most common e-mail I receive from clients is about how to continue to lose weight in the midst of the triggers that increase their appetite...
(You can fill in the blanks for yourself...)
I thought I had this losing weight thing figured out. But now my weight is creeping back up, I know my appetite is increasing because of _____________ (family, job or personal stress). It triggers something inside me, I feel like I can't control myself, I'm eating (and/or craving) ______________ (junk, sugary or fatty foods) and all I want to do is EAT! I feel so bad and frustrated with myself. I know you said you don't care what I eat, but I don't want to gain weight. PLEASE HELP!"
You are facing TRIGGERS. Stress is a trigger that increases your appetite and usually increases it for fatty and sugary foods (and unfortunately those are higher in calories). And you're right...no judgment...no judgment at all!
I mean, think about this...
What if a trigger increased your appetite for low calorie salads and fruits and vegetables...how awesome would that be, right?! You'd be chowing down on salads, fruits and veggies, your belly would get full, you'd stay within your caloric budget, not gain weight (maybe even lose weight!), step on the scale, and feel happy! You wouldn't feel bad or sad or discouraged and then you'd keep going happily on your way. Soooo...hmmm...think about it...you wouldn't be wishing you could get control of anything, because you wouldn't feel like anything was out of control. You'd be just fine with how things were unfolding!
Here's a few points I want to share with you. Think about this...
You can't control the triggers. (Stress)
You can't control your reaction to the triggers. (Increased appetite for high calorie foods)
You can however...
Identify the triggers.
You've identified a trigger (or two or three...). Check! √
Now...avoid the trigger(s)...
Oh no! Does that mean you have to choose between your relationships/job/whatever induces stress, and the body you want?
No. The trigger is not technically your relationships or job. The trigger is the stress. That's what you want to avoid. Avoiding stress doesn't happen externally though (you can't control what happens outside of you), it's internal.
So how do you avoid this trigger (as a result of the stress you can't control) internally?
Let's review the truth I constantly preach about the appetite:
The brain controls your appetite. Not you.
How much you desire to eat is controlled by the brain, it's like a light switch. Sometimes it's on, sometimes off, but most of the time, somewhere in between, like a dimmer switch. The brain adjusts it up or down according to your feelings (physical or emotional, the involuntary reactions to your experiences).
We know the process (no judgment, journaling, etc.) decreases it over time.
And there are temporary things that increase it or decrease it immediately: physical feelings like pain and fatigue can spike it, feelings like nausea plummet it.
But what increased your appetite was not a physical feeling, it was an emotional one. Still involuntary... Your feeling of stress was an involuntary reaction to whatever you experienced.
I know, I still haven't told you what you can do to re-gain the control you want. I'm getting to that. I promise! :)
How do you avoid this trigger internally? Especially if the brain is controlling your appetite and you can't?
Here's the answer:
Go one step up higher and more powerful than your brain. Your heart.
The reason the process decreases your appetite over time is because it's honoring and respecting the desire of your heart. The more your heart feels respected and honored, the more powerful it becomes. LOVE grows when watered.
And LOVE is the most powerful energy source of the entire universe.
What is your heart's desire? Do you respect it? Do you want to honor it? Are you worth it?
I can answer the last question for you.... YES!!!!
Restore your heart with LOVE. LOVE is the greatest energy source of the entire universe. It will protect you.
The heart is the only thing that trumps the brain, as the electromagnetic field of the heart is 60 times higher than the electromagnetic field of the brain, and permeates every cell of the body.
The restoration of LOVE will help you deal with whatever triggers you face and equip you to make the decisions you really want to make for weight loss.
You know the way to restore LOVE is to erase the arrows of insult and injury and judgment of any kind...including the ones coming from your own thoughts and feelings about your experience...remove all the guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, etc.
And of course, then, relax. Your desires regarding your weight will come true. I promise. IN DUE TIME. You can't rush it along. Doing so will only increase your appetite. So please, relax. Be kind to yourself. BE PATIENT while you learn a new pattern for dealing with triggers. After all, how many years have you lived in this old one? Give yourself time to learn this new way, this higher way. <3
To learn how we restore the LOVE with The Losing Coach® Process take my Online Course.
Much LOVE to you.... xoxoxo
Want to decrease your appetite?
Here's the bottom line - successful and permanent weight loss comes from decreasing and regulating your appetite. Regardless of what "diet" you are following or how you are trying to lose weight, if your appetite doesn't decrease, you're either not going to be able to keep the weight off, or be miserable because you feel starved and wanting to eat more.
Weight loss is extremely easy when your appetite is decreased. Right?!? (It's pretty easy to lose weight when you have the stomach flu...you lose your appetite.)
Weight loss is more challenging when your appetite is increased.
Your appetite is like a light switch. Sometimes it is all the way on (like when you feel famished), and sometimes all the way off (like when you have the stomach flu). Usually though, it's like a dimmer switch...sliding up and down.
But...(and here's a *light-bulb moment*, you will understand why so many previous attempts of weight loss have failed for you)...
**Your appetite is something you cannot control.**
Women write me all the time, communicating guilt and shame for their insatiable appetites, like they've done something wrong. It breaks my heart.
Because they haven't done anything wrong.
You are not in control of your appetite. So an increased appetite is never your fault.
**Appetite is controlled by the brain.**
Whether your appetite is increased or decreased, it's controlled by your brain, not you. (Proof is in the stomach flu...if your stomach is empty and you're even physically hungry, when you have the stomach flu...you don't want to eat. Because your appetite gets turned off by your brain.)
Here are some of the mental, emotional and physical factors that affect your appetite.
The top 10 (plus 2 bonus!) mental, emotional and physical factors that cause the brain to increase the appetite:
You cannot control your appetite.
So quit trying. All that trying actually increases your appetite! So seriously, stop trying!! Relax! :)
It's time to stop blaming yourself for what you cannot control.
What can you control? Your decisions.
Focus on the factors that decrease your appetite. This makes weight loss a lot easier.
The top 10 (plus 2 bonus!) mental, emotional and physical factors that cause the brain to decrease the appetite:
It won't happen over night, but slowly, the dimmer switch in your brain will start to come down and become more regulated. You'll be creating new patterns in the brain, new habits. And the brain will start to follow these patterns. The more you do these things, the more your appetite is controlled.
Your decisions are the only thing you can control.
If you want true, permanent weight loss, find a process that enables you to control your decisions...I'm not talking about "white-knuckling" your way through a diet. I'm talking about being able to make decisions that are kind, gentle and easy with yourself...not a "kick your butt" mentality.
It's time to stop blaming yourself for what you cannot control. The only thing you can control are the decisions you make.
Our process ultimately decreases and regulates your appetite, bringing that dimmer switch right in the middle and keeps it regulated. There may still be times of ups and downs, but they're not drastic, and this gentle variance is a regulated appetite.
The Losing Coach® process trains the brain and heals the heart, enabling you to control your decisions so you can get the weight loss you desire.
You can start our process immediately with Online Coaching. I want to help you. It's my passion to help women lose weight. Let me show you how to lose weight simply, permanently and in a healthy way...without dieting, products or a menu. It's this way...
Do you have things that motivate you? Those big events you're going to attend that make you want to lose weight? The upcoming weddings, the vacations, the reunions? These things can be great motivators to help propel us forward.
Then we soon discover...those events...they come and then they go.
Like riding a roller coaster, with its ups and downs, the comings and goings of motivations can leave us feeling vulnerable to failure. It's like just as soon as we reach a new height, we plunge, because that event is over.
That's because we've had it drilled into us that motivation is the key...but it's not.
It's never about motivation, it's about determination.
Motivations come and go. Accomplishments comes from determination. What are you determined to do?
What you are determined to do is what you will actually accomplish.
With determination, you pick up a cause. Whatever that cause is.
If you want to lose weight, you have your own cause of weight loss. And with any cause, sabotage can undermine it. Sabotage is defined as "any undermining of a cause." That's why when a woman eats too much, she knows that undermines her weight loss efforts, so she will often use the word "sabotage." She speaks often of self-sabotage.
Have you ever felt like you are sabotaging yourself? Do you know why? Why would you purposefully try to sabotage your own efforts to lose weight...especially when you were motivated at one time? Or why you would even try to create a weight gain?
Because of an unconscious belief that has been directing your thoughts and actions. You are leading yourself in the direction of the belief you picked up in your past that you don't matter. You have unconsciously accepted that belief as truth. It's no one's fault that this happened...especially not yours. It happened unconsciously.
But once you see that you are undermining your own efforts and desires, you have become aware of that unconscious programming. You have actually "awakened", you're conscious of this belief, and that it's been directing your thoughts and actions. So now you can take different action; you can get back in the driver's seat and intentionally decide to believe something different. You can change your beliefs. Beliefs are just thoughts that you've thought over and over so many times you've come to accept them as truth.
What do you want to believe?
I encourage you to believe that YOU DO matter and what YOU want DOES matter. Think about this, remind yourself of this, over and over again. Repeat it to yourself over, and over again. And while you're doing that, have compassion and patience for yourself in the learning-curve. Like you would for a child who was once abused, and now in a place of love and safety...you'd have patience and compassion for that child while she learns her new reality is one of love and safety. Eventually, you will come to accept it as truth. And your actions will follow suit.
This is LOVE in action.
I know how to help you succeed at weight loss, permanently. It's this way...
Contact me today for help.
I will only speak of this word "excuse" in this blog. I don't allow that judgmental word "excuses" to be spoken in my office when I'm weight loss coaching. Simply because it is filled with so much judgment.
Clients often say under self-condemnation, "I know I have a lot of excuses," to which I say, "No, they sound like valid reasons and/or reactions to me."
If you want to use that word, then, yes, I had "excuses!"
My core had been sliced open four times!! I had children I was taking care of, born prematurely, one with Tourette syndrome, and it wasn't easy.
I needed time to recover. So what if it took over 10 years since my first was born, or 1 year since I was last sliced open, I needed time to recover, okay? Who are you or anyone else to accuse me of having "excuses?"
Yes, damn right, I had valid reasons for all my weight gain. I was hurting. Okay? I was hurting. My core had been violated both physically and emotionally...I felt the deepest pain a mother could feel - that her child's suffering was her fault.
If anyone had come along and said, "No excuses!" to me...the insensitivity would surely have kicked me when I was already down.
Yes, there ARE reasons people gain weight. Valid reasons. Show compassion. And if that person is you... Show compassion to yourself.
The body you see here, has been sliced open four times and her core had been violated. It was 220 lbs at one point.
Then, once I showed compassion to myself, I lost 90 lbs.
Yes excuses!!! Yes! Yes!
Only LOVE and compassion created this body. Not shame, not judgment.
Only LOVE and compassion.
Shelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®.