Here's something fun to know! When I started losing weight - I had a GREAT time!! I mean, I celebrated every step along the way.
I was excited to be 215 lbs, after losing just a few pounds. I was ecstatic to be 199 lbs just to be under 200. I started turning heads at 190 lbs. I celebrated being "overweight" on the bmi chart at 185 lbs. I was totally showing off my body in a bathing suit on the beaches of Hawaii at 175 lbs! I couldn't believe I was in a size 10 at 165 lbs and ...OMG... 149 lbs was totally UNBELIEVABLE for me!!! At 133 lbs Oxygen Magazine purchased my photos. At 128 lbs I went off on a plane to shoot a modeling portfolio.... and that was something I did in secrecy (so no one would stop me) and a few people got mad at me for not telling them.
I came home with a modeling portfolio that started my acting and modeling career, which led to the Mrs. Ohio pageant, which led to creating Losing Coach®!! See how that happens!! :)
Here's a little sneak peak of that private modeling portfolio from December 2007. That not only was I advised to do for professional reasons, but I did for fun, that I did for me!!! (not Playboy, despite rumors :)) Moral of the story - everything is a stepping stone. Everything. Every number you see on the scale, every "destination" you think you've arrived at, etc. Everything is just a stepping stone for you to keep going. So keep going!!! Have a great time doing it, and most importantly... don't listen to too many people's opinions...you must follow your heart!
One of my barriers to weight loss has been my husband (himself 30 pounds overweight, but still pretty athletic). He pesters me about exercise at least once a week, gives me disapproving looks and at least one innuendo a day.
In the past this has made me react...sometimes to move, sometimes to rebel & not move...often to resent. Sometimes to revenge-eat.
We used to be a very active couple (hiking, biking, skiing, etc).
I want to be active again, and will be, but his constant digging is undermining my progress.
I want to be silent about this. There is such power in keeping it to myself.
But last night (on our "date night"), when he confronted me about not being in shape to go hiking/cycling/whatever-he-wants-to-do-this-weekend-or-any-other- time, I couldn't just look away & say nothing.
We were supposedly "talking" ... trying to work out some of our issues.
I said, "I'm taking care of it." To which he smirked sarcastically.
So did his dig this morning. "You should really start exercising again." Said to me before I had even fully awakened.
I went to bed so happy last night (after watching one of the lessons in Online Coaching) saying to myself over & over, "It's working & I'm losing."
No one else bugs me about this. Just him. What do I do?
Thanks & hugs!
Can you relate to this? Me too!! Here's what I told this precious woman:
I know this is going to sound crazy.... but you asked me what to do....
What to do?
Say THANK YOU.
Seriously. I know... he pesters and bugs you... but the point is to END the conversation as soon as possible. Because that is what will help you.
We need to minimize the arrows that get thrown at you, and if you try to argue back or even say, "Shut up!", those things will only fuel more oxygen to the conversation.
The only thing that will end it is saying, "You're right. Thank you."
Listen, this is not about who is right or who is wrong (he is clearly not being nice).... it's about HELPING YOU succeed!!!
I have been through all of this.... and trust me, just say, "You're right, thank you."
That really should end the conversation. If the conversation does continue, saying, "You're right, thank you" will at least take him off the offensive, and continue in a more gentle way.
Saying, "You're right. Thank you," will really grow your "silent confidence" on the INSIDE!! All you need right now is silent confidence on the inside.... that's it. No trying to prove anything, no arguing, let him think he's "the man", whatever.... this is not about him... it's about you!! :)
Much LOVE to you... xoxo... hope this helps!
I am here to help any woman, any time, succeed at weight loss. This woman who wrote me purchased our Online Coaching. It comes with email support from me...just like what you read above.
Get Online Coaching for yourself today. I'm here for you!
I don't know what is going on with me!! I keep waking up in the morning with the expectation that I will focus on my weight in a healthy way and take care of myself, and then I end up doing the opposite! I cannot believe I can lose my confidence so quickly. My confidence is seriously shaken here. I just don't know what is going on.
I just feel like I'm very much on my own here, and I don't want to throw in the towel after the time and effort I've put into my weight loss. Honestly, I am so embarrassed that I'm not being stronger here. I haven't gained any weight, but lately I have been eating sooooo much more than I need that I know a gain is coming soon.
Please. What do I do???
This is an email I just received last night from a precious woman. It could actually be from every woman who contacts me. It could be from myself even. I have said these very things to myself. Erin has said these things to me. We all experience this.
Here's my reply:
Nothing is wrong. All is okay!!! It's okay, seriously. I promise.
You've experienced 3 steps forward, 2 steps back; just like it was for me.
You will not be throwing in the towel.
Here's what I want you to do. Follow these instructions:
1. Go stand against the wall on one side of your room.
2. Take 3 steps forward.
3. Take 2 steps back.
4. Take 3 steps forward.
5. Take 2 steps back.
6. Take 3 steps forward.
7. Take 2 steps back.
Did you get to the other side of the room?
Your answer reveals your weight loss journey!!! :)
It doesn't matter if you see a gain soon. It's okay. It just means you're ready to take 3 steps forward now!! :)
Permanent weight loss is about 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.
One of the reasons people don't experience permanent weight loss is because they didn't know the reality of the 3 Steps Forward and 2 Steps Back Principle.
Weight loss is a journey of one step at a time. It's a process. There's no magic pill or hidden biology to be discovered. We don't need more research into this.
What we need is LOVE and GRACE.
When someone experiences the 2-Steps-Back part of the journey, they think something's wrong with them, and they're a failure. They throw in the towel, succumbing to the lie that permanent weight loss is impossible.
The key is to recognize your current location. When you can see where you are in the journey, you'll know what step to take next.
I'd love to help you apply the 3 Steps Forward and 2 Steps Back Principle for yourself. Take my Online Course and connect with me for support.
It's this way...
Successful weight loss. We all want it!
And now, I'm going to tell you some raw truth about it ... Not everyone is going to like your weight loss.
I know. You think everyone will be happy for you. I mean, how could they not be?
Often our clients are faced with the shock of discovering that a few friends and/or family members start to act differently after their successful weight loss ... They start to act jealous.
This can create tension that slowly builds over time. Eventually they say things like, "You've changed." Or even, "I liked you better fat."
These are the very words I heard from a few people that just couldn't handle the change in me.
But it's more than just change; it's a shift of power.
Trust me, successful weight loss can be a threat to friends and family.
This is because you become more powerful as more of your glory is revealed. Not just through your physical change, but through your confidence and joy.
Sometimes you work through this rift in the relationship, sometimes not. The result in a strengthened or weakened relationship depends on the people. And yes, these people are other women.
Women will be jealous.
And men will notice you.
Know that your weight has, in many ways, protected you from men.
Most women, in one way or another, at one point (or more) in their lives, have experienced pain from men. They've been used, abused or rejected by a man (or men). The extra weight has protected them from experiencing these painful emotions again, as it has provided a cocoon.
This is why the restoration of LOVE through self-compassion, and the removal of judgment are so very important. It will heal your heart and bring you to the place of no longer needing the cocoon to protect yourself.
The exciting news is the result of what actually happens after you work through the shift of power.
As you come out of your cocoon with glory and joy, and carry the energy of confidence from losing weight successfully ... YOU WILL EARN EVERYONE'S RESPECT.
If it's time for you to come out of the cocoon, begin the 7 Step Process to Weight Loss Mastery today! You will love it!! I promise.
We all know anyone is able to do lose weight when they have power over food.
Wouldn't you like to have Power Over Food??
I mean, let's face it...if only you had more power than the food has over you.
Women come to Losing Coach® so focused on food, they have become addicted. They are a slave to food and then...it has power over them. Yes, we're talking about food addiction. And if you are overweight at all, there is most likely, some level of food addiction happening.
I know, because I was a food addict.
I healed myself of this addiction.
How do we heal ourselves of addictions? Well we certainly should not keep focusing on the thing we're addicted to... that's like asking an alcoholic to be a bartender, or a sex addict to watch more porn... that's absurd!! This only fuels the addiction.
And that is what "dieting" and typical menu-based, food-glorifying, and food-shaming weight loss programs are doing to people....fueling their food addiction.
Now you can understand how absurd it is that the diet industry is telling us to focus on food!
If you have a food addiction - do NOT focus on food!
Get POWER OVER IT.
So how do you get power over food?
The Losing Coach® Process!! By putting all 7 steps into practice. (Power, Truth, Love, Faith, Hope, Self-Control, and Grace) I'm not kidding!!
Put this process into practice - the delayed gratification, the love, believing in your purpose, setting goals, the journaling, the removal of judgment...and food becomes exactly what it's meant to be - fuel for your body. And now you can see food for exactly what it is - there to serve you. It is there to give you energy.
You can enjoy eating without judgment or fear that you will gain weight when you manage your decisions from a place of truth and non-judgment.
This is POWER OVER FOOD.
POWER OVER FOOD:
To learn how to put the Losing Coach® Process into practice for yourself, try it now. I will show you, step by step, how I live in power over food...without struggling, butt-kicking, or deprivation. You can too.
The most common e-mail I receive from clients is about how to continue to lose weight in the midst of the triggers that increase their appetite...
(You can fill in the blanks for yourself...)
I thought I had this losing weight thing figured out. But now my weight is creeping back up, I know my appetite is increasing because of _____________ (family, job or personal stress). It triggers something inside me, I feel like I can't control myself, I'm eating (and/or craving) ______________ (junk, sugary or fatty foods) and all I want to do is EAT! I feel so bad and frustrated with myself. I know you said you don't care what I eat, but I don't want to gain weight. PLEASE HELP!"
You are facing TRIGGERS. Stress is a trigger that increases your appetite and usually increases it for fatty and sugary foods (and unfortunately those are higher in calories). And you're right...no judgment...no judgment at all!
I mean, think about this...
What if a trigger increased your appetite for low calorie salads and fruits and vegetables...how awesome would that be, right?! You'd be chowing down on salads, fruits and veggies, your belly would get full, you'd stay within your caloric budget, not gain weight (maybe even lose weight!), step on the scale, and feel happy! You wouldn't feel bad or sad or discouraged and then you'd keep going happily on your way. Soooo...hmmm...think about it...you wouldn't be wishing you could get control of anything, because you wouldn't feel like anything was out of control. You'd be just fine with how things were unfolding!
Here's a few points I want to share with you. Think about this...
You can't control the triggers. (Stress)
You can't control your reaction to the triggers. (Increased appetite for high calorie foods)
You can however...
Identify the triggers.
You've identified a trigger (or two or three...). Check! √
Now...avoid the trigger(s)...
Oh no! Does that mean you have to choose between your relationships/job/whatever induces stress, and the body you want?
No. The trigger is not technically your relationships or job. The trigger is the stress. That's what you want to avoid. Avoiding stress doesn't happen externally though (you can't control what happens outside of you), it's internal.
So how do you avoid this trigger (as a result of the stress you can't control) internally?
Let's review the truth I constantly preach about the appetite:
The brain controls your appetite. Not you.
How much you desire to eat is controlled by the brain, it's like a light switch. Sometimes it's on, sometimes off, but most of the time, somewhere in between, like a dimmer switch. The brain adjusts it up or down according to your feelings (physical or emotional, the involuntary reactions to your experiences).
We know the process (no judgment, journaling, etc.) decreases it over time.
And there are temporary things that increase it or decrease it immediately: physical feelings like pain and fatigue can spike it, feelings like nausea plummet it.
But what increased your appetite was not a physical feeling, it was an emotional one. Still involuntary... Your feeling of stress was an involuntary reaction to whatever you experienced.
I know, I still haven't told you what you can do to re-gain the control you want. I'm getting to that. I promise! :)
How do you avoid this trigger internally? Especially if the brain is controlling your appetite and you can't?
Here's the answer:
Go one step up higher and more powerful than your brain. Your heart.
The reason the process decreases your appetite over time is because it's honoring and respecting the desire of your heart. The more your heart feels respected and honored, the more powerful it becomes. LOVE grows when watered.
And LOVE is the most powerful energy source of the entire universe.
What is your heart's desire? Do you respect it? Do you want to honor it? Are you worth it?
I can answer the last question for you.... YES!!!!
Restore your heart with LOVE. LOVE is the greatest energy source of the entire universe. It will protect you.
The heart is the only thing that trumps the brain, as the electromagnetic field of the heart is 60 times higher than the electromagnetic field of the brain, and permeates every cell of the body.
The restoration of LOVE will help you deal with whatever triggers you face and equip you to make the decisions you really want to make for weight loss.
You know the way to restore LOVE is to erase the arrows of insult and injury and judgment of any kind...including the ones coming from your own thoughts and feelings about your experience...remove all the guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, etc.
And of course, then, relax. Your desires regarding your weight will come true. I promise. IN DUE TIME. You can't rush it along. Doing so will only increase your appetite. So please, relax. Be kind to yourself. BE PATIENT while you learn a new pattern for dealing with triggers. After all, how many years have you lived in this old one? Give yourself time to learn this new way, this higher way. <3
To learn how we restore the LOVE with The Losing Coach® Process take my Online Course.
Much LOVE to you.... xoxoxo
Want to decrease your appetite naturally?
Here's the bottom line - successful and permanent weight loss comes from decreasing and regulating your appetite. Regardless of what "diet" you are following or how you are trying to lose weight, if your appetite doesn't decrease, you're either not going to be able to keep the weight off, or be miserable because you feel starved and wanting to eat more.
Weight loss is extremely easy when your appetite is decreased. Right?!? (It's pretty easy to lose weight when you have the stomach flu...you lose your appetite.)
Weight loss is more challenging when your appetite is increased.
Your appetite is like a light switch. Sometimes it is all the way on (like when you feel famished), and sometimes all the way off (like when you have the stomach flu). Usually though, it's like a dimmer switch...sliding up and down.
But...(and here's a *light-bulb moment*, you will understand why so many previous attempts of weight loss have failed for you)...
**Your appetite is something you cannot control.**
Women write me all the time, communicating guilt and shame for their insatiable appetites, like they've done something wrong. It breaks my heart.
Because they haven't done anything wrong.
You are not in control of your appetite. So an increased appetite is never your fault.
**Appetite is controlled by the brain.**
Whether your appetite is increased or decreased, it's controlled by your brain, not you. (Proof is in the stomach flu...if your stomach is empty and you're even physically hungry, when you have the stomach flu...you don't want to eat. Because your appetite gets turned off by your brain.)
Here are some of the mental, emotional and physical factors that affect your appetite.
The top 10 (plus 2 bonus!) mental, emotional and physical factors that cause the brain to increase the appetite:
You cannot control your appetite.
So quit trying. All that trying actually increases your appetite! So seriously, stop trying!! Relax! :)
It's time to stop blaming yourself for what you cannot control.
What can you control? Your decisions.
Focus on the factors that decrease your appetite. This makes weight loss a lot easier.
The top 10 (plus 2 bonus!) mental, emotional and physical factors that cause the brain to decrease the appetite:
It won't happen over night, but slowly, the dimmer switch in your brain will start to come down and become more regulated. You'll be creating new patterns in the brain, new habits. And the brain will start to follow these patterns. The more you do these things, the more your appetite is controlled.
Your decisions are the only thing you can control.
If you want true, permanent weight loss, find a process that enables you to control your decisions...I'm not talking about "white-knuckling" your way through a diet. I'm talking about being able to make decisions that are kind, gentle and easy with yourself...not a "kick your butt" mentality.
It's time to stop blaming yourself for what you cannot control. The only thing you can control are the decisions you make.
Our process ultimately decreases and regulates your appetite, bringing that dimmer switch right in the middle and keeps it regulated. There may still be times of ups and downs, but they're not drastic, and this gentle variance is a regulated appetite.
The Losing Coach® process trains the brain and heals the heart, enabling you to control your decisions so you can get the weight loss you desire.
You can start this process immediately with Online Coaching. I want to help you. It's my passion to help women lose weight. Let me show you how to lose weight simply, permanently and in a healthy way...without dieting, products or a menu. It's this way...
Do you have things that motivate you? Those big events you're going to attend that make you want to lose weight? The upcoming weddings, the vacations, the reunions? These things can be great motivators to help propel us forward.
Then we soon discover...those events...they come and then they go.
Like riding a roller coaster, with its ups and downs, the comings and goings of motivations can leave us feeling vulnerable to failure. It's like just as soon as we reach a new height, we plunge, because that event is over.
That's because we've had it drilled into us that motivation is the key...but it's not.
It's never about motivation, it's about determination.
Motivations come and go. Accomplishments comes from determination. What are you determined to do?
What you are determined to do is what you will actually accomplish.
With determination, you pick up a cause. Whatever that cause is.
If you want to lose weight, you have your own cause of weight loss. And with any cause, sabotage can undermine it. Sabotage is defined as "any undermining of a cause." That's why when a woman eats too much, she knows that undermines her weight loss efforts, so she will often use the word "sabotage." She speaks often of self-sabotage.
Have you ever felt like you are sabotaging yourself? Do you know why? Why would you purposefully try to sabotage your own efforts to lose weight...especially when you were motivated at one time? Or why you would even try to create a weight gain?
Because of an unconscious belief that has been directing your thoughts and actions. You are leading yourself in the direction of the belief you picked up in your past that you don't matter. You have unconsciously accepted that belief as truth. It's no one's fault that this happened...especially not yours. It happened unconsciously.
But once you see that you are undermining your own efforts and desires, you have become aware of that unconscious programming. You have actually "awakened", you're conscious of this belief, and that it's been directing your thoughts and actions. So now you can take different action; you can get back in the driver's seat and intentionally decide to believe something different. You can change your beliefs. Beliefs are just thoughts that you've thought over and over so many times you've come to accept them as truth.
What do you want to believe?
I encourage you to believe that YOU DO matter and what YOU want DOES matter. Think about this, remind yourself of this, over and over again. Repeat it to yourself over, and over again. And while you're doing that, have compassion and patience for yourself in the learning-curve. Like you would for a child who was once abused, and now in a place of love and safety...you'd have patience and compassion for that child while she learns her new reality is one of love and safety. Eventually, you will come to accept it as truth. And your actions will follow suit.
This is LOVE in action.
I know how to help you succeed at weight loss, permanently. It's this way...
Contact me today for help.
I will only speak of this word "excuse" in this blog. I don't allow that judgmental word "excuses" to be spoken in my office when I'm weight loss coaching. Simply because it is filled with so much judgment.
Clients often say under self-condemnation, "I know I have a lot of excuses," to which I say, "No, they sound like valid reasons and/or reactions to me."
If you want to use that word, then, yes, I had "excuses!"
My core had been sliced open four times!! I had children I was taking care of, born prematurely, one with Tourette syndrome, and it wasn't easy.
I needed time to recover. So what if it took over 10 years since my first was born, or 1 year since I was last sliced open, I needed time to recover, okay? Who are you or anyone else to accuse me of having "excuses?"
Yes, damn right, I had valid reasons for all my weight gain. I was hurting. Okay? I was hurting. My core had been violated both physically and emotionally...I felt the deepest pain a mother could feel - that her child's suffering was her fault.
If anyone had come along and said, "No excuses!" to me...the insensitivity would surely have kicked me when I was already down.
Yes, there ARE reasons people gain weight. Valid reasons. Show compassion. And if that person is you... Show compassion to yourself.
The body you see here, has been sliced open four times and her core had been violated. It was 220 lbs at one point.
Then, once I showed compassion to myself, I lost 90 lbs.
Yes excuses!!! Yes! Yes!
Only LOVE and compassion created this body. Not shame, not judgment.
Only LOVE and compassion.
I commonly hear how women don't want to weigh themselves, avoid the scale, and will just gauge their success from their measurements or how their clothes fit. This modern notion of not stepping on the scale when trying to lose weight... totally escapes me. It doesn't make any sense. But then again, I only lost 90 lbs, so what do I know? :)
Weighing yourself every day is going to help you understand that scale. Trust me on this... you must put it into practice to realize the benefits of weighing yourself every day. It's a process that will actually detach you emotionally from the scale (which is what we need) and help you understand it so much better... putting it all into perspective with water retention, time of the month, etc. You need to see these fluctuations to understand it.
You need to weigh yourself every day in managing your weight. Trust me on this, it's an important part of the process.
Not weighing yourself every day in managing your weight is like trying to manage your child's fever without taking their temperature. You need to know if the Tylenol helped, if the fever gets higher at night, etc. It's necessary. Same with your weight. The number is simply data you need to collect. Collect the data every day, without judgment. WITHOUT judgment is key. If your child's fever gets higher, are you going to get angry at your child? Of course not, you'd simply have more compassion and simply take the necessary steps to reduce the fever.
Is your child's temperature going to be different if you take their temperature while they are smothered in blankets, or right after a bath? Yes. Would you understand why the difference? Yes. This is important. You understand the data and what it means, don't you?
Listen, we need you to understand that scale... really well.... the scale might go up after eating out a restaurant the night before. Does that mean you've created a caloric surplus? No, not necessarily. It could mean you consumed a lot of salt. So is that weight gain "real"? No. This you must see, look at, and understand.
Let me illustrate what happens when people do not weigh themselves every day. It might look like this....
Weigh in Monday 215.8
They do really well eating less all week.
Weigh in next Monday 216.0
WHAT THE HECK? They think...This is bull-crap and not working.
But let's look at what really happened and what they would see and know if they weighed themselves everyday:
Monday 215.8 - "weigh in"
Tuesday 215.0 - didn't see
Wednesday 215.2 - didn't see
Thursday 214.6 - didn't see
Friday 214.8 - didn't see
Saturday 214.4 - didn't see
Sunday 214.0 - didn't see
Monday 216.0 - "This is bull-crap and not working!" (And yes, if after eating out or constipated, retaining water, etc. scale can go up 2 lbs over night)
Tuesday 214.0 - didn't see (yes, scale can drop 2 lbs over night too)
See there.... oh, if they had just known that the very next day the scale would drop... she actually lost 1.8 lbs but didn't know it, and so she gave up. :( And of course she gives up... I mean, that's discouraging, all that work and no reward? Oh, this happens all the time and it's tragic.
That scale... it can be our best friend or our enemy. Make it your best friend. We need it to be your friend, a reliable best friend you can turn to every day.... you need to understand it. Really... because it's going to really, really help you....
I love the most asked question over the last 8 years of my life - "How'd you lose weight?"
I always chuckle on the inside. As though I really can answer that question in one sentence! But a one sentence answer is what they are looking for every time.
My honest answer to that question?
So many things.
It was not just one thing. It was a combination of many things I did for myself.
But of course, that doesn't give them the answer they're looking for. They want to know exactly what they can do to achieve the same weight loss for themselves.
"To know all of that, you need to coach with me. Or do the Online Coaching."
That's the first thing I tell them. And then... I give them what they're looking for in that moment. That one sentence. And I do better than one sentence. I give them two words...eat less.
I know, disappointing answer.
And it begs the question - "How can I do that?"
Well, here is my #1 weight loss tip.
If I could only give you one weight loss tip to help yourself eat less and thus lose weight, it is this: Don't judge.
That's right. Don't judge.
Don't judge? But what if....
What if I don't agree with someone else's political opinion?
What if someone is clearly doing something wrong against me?
What if I disagree with someone else's religion?
What if I think someone is being mean and rude?
And most importantly:
Don't judge yourself.
But what if you really screwed things up?
This is my #1 weight loss tip!!!
If I've coached you or you've taken my online course, you know exactly what I'm talking about and why this is the key to eating less.
If you haven't, you need to.
As every women who's experienced The Losing Coach® Process knows, this is about restoring your white heart.
We naturally turn to judging others in defense of ourselves.
If I fear I might be at fault, I might be wrong, or hold a wrong belief, I point my finger at the other party to make myself feel better and absolve myself of guilt. When you truly have LOVE, you won't need to point the finger at anyone because the LOVE reassures you that you are not being held in contempt (that you haven't done anything wrong).
With a white heart, there is no contempt. Don't judge.
Don't judge. In any way, shape or form. If I could give you only one weight loss tip, this would be it. Don't judge. If this is not easy for you to understand, please contact me.
Or... don't..... I won't judge....
Women come to Losing Coach® like warriors.
How is she a warrior? She's fought for so many things in her life. She fought for her education, she fought for her marriage, she fought for her children, she fought for her dignity and her life. She's accomplished in winning the fights. She is educated, maybe with multiple degrees; she has her own business or is highly accomplished in her career. Whether in tact or not, she's on the front line with her marriage, she has survived the good and the bad, she runs marathons, and she's the epitome of a mama bear when it comes to protecting her children. This woman is a warrior. She has lots of weapons and she knows how to use them. She knows how to fight!
She comes to Losing Coach® because the one battle she's not winning is with her weight.
I acknowledge this woman warrior with a medal of honor. I restore her dignity. I validate she has fought the good fight. Then I ask her to do something very courageous...lay down her weapons.
Of course, as a natural warrior, she resists, "Lay down my weapons?"
"Yes, lay down your weapons."
She hesitates, "But, but... how... how will I protect myself?"
I say, "By coming off the battlefield."
"But, but... what if I need my weapons? And why do I have to lay them down?"
"You are no longer a warrior, you are now a queen and a queen never goes onto the battlefield, so you won't need any weapons. You have to lay them down because the weapons are literally weighing you down right now."
Lay down your weapons. The weight will come off.
So she learns how to lay down her weapons, she loses weight, and becomes a queen in her own land. Royalty. It's been in her blood all along, it's why she fought so hard as a warrior. When the warrior is ready to come off the battlefield and lay down her weapons, a royal coronation awaits her. From warriors to queens. It's the natural order of things.
Who is a warrior? She who comes to Losing Coach®.
Who is a queen? She who completes the Losing Coach® Process.
Oh man, breaking up is hard to do... All of a sudden, this old saying rings true... the familiarity, the convenience, the security that this long-term relationship brings to you keeps you bound... but when it's time to say goodbye... you will know.
The relationship we have with our fat is hard to part with. I mean, it is familiar, it is convenient, and boy, does staying overweight feel very secure to us... and the idea of being completely done with being overweight just seems so... well, difficult. Because truly, breaking up is very hard to do.
But we never stop dreaming of moving on, of having the body we truly want. If we could only just say goodbye to all the fat that is covering up our bodies. But again, that fat has served us well. Well it has. It's protected us when we needed protection, and in all honestly, allowed us to hide and be hidden when we didn't want to be seen.
But I know I truly do want to end this relationship.
How will you know when it's time to say goodbye? When you can answer YES to these simple three questions:
1. Are you okay with people noticing you, turning heads and all?
2. Can you accept that some people will still not like you even when all the extra fat is gone?
3. Are you prepared to start a new, easy and drama-free relationship with your naturally thin body?
If it's time to say goodbye to your fat.... contact us today; we can help you.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life: my health, my family, my career, my friends. I truly appreciate all the wonderful things the universe has brought to me. Still, I find myself so many times in a state of wanting more… wanting to be better, to be healthier, more active, more successful. I want to weigh less, be more comfortable in my own skin. Even though I say I want these things, I don’t seem to be able to bring them to fruition. I feel frustrated, stressed and angry a lot of the time. When I feel those feelings, I just want to feel better. That makes me seek immediate gratification. i.e. food, sweets, alcohol…. Afterwards, I feel the same anger and frustration with an added sense of failure. I’m so sick of this repeated pattern. I need something different.
It seems easy that if I want a different outcome, I should change my behavior but sometimes emotions overtake my good sense and I just want to do/eat/have something that makes me feel better. I know it’s only a temporary fix but at the moment, I don’t care. I care afterwards… the self-loathing. It’s the poor example I’m setting for my children, all the negatives that go with poor choices. I can’t seem to find anything in life that makes me feel calm and happy. WHY?? …. Maybe I’m more afraid of MEETING my goal than the familiarity of not meeting it….Maybe my biggest fear is that if I lose this weight and STILL don’t find happiness, where do I go from there? What happens if losing the weight doesn’t make me happy?
I feel like my life would be better for sure though, like I wouldn’t hate going shopping and might even enjoy it. I wouldn’t feel self-conscious eating in front of people. I would love to be able to put on anything, anytime, anywhere and in front of anyone and be comfortable. I’ve always had a hard time looking at myself in front of the mirror in a bra and underwear. I purposely avoid it. I don’t want to face what my body looks like. Ruins my day… It would be nice to look in the mirror and actually like and be proud of what I see. I would like to be able to get on the scale and not be freaked out by a number. I would like to “feel” like doing more things. Have more energy. I feel defeated. It sucks that at a time in your life when you have the means to start enjoying your life, you feel incapable of doing the things you want to do. I want to feel attractive again. I feel like when you’re over-weight , people look past you. They don’t notice you.
What I really want is to feel “seen” again. To feel good about myself when I go places but also to feel good about the way I look wherever I am.
I'm tired of feeling like I’m a failure at this. I seem to be able to accomplish everything else I want. Can’t figure out why this is so hard. I do everything right and it doesn’t seem to help. I feel really frustrated….PLEASE HELP!
Have you ever been obsessed with someone? Some thing? I have...
In everything I do with Losing Coach®, from the process I created, to the personal coaching, I seek to honor and speak one thing - truth.
And so let me communicate more truth. The truth is, women are obsessed with their bodies. Their own bodies, not the bodies in magazines, not the bodies on the big screen - their own, very own bodies, they are obsessed with. It's truth. They tell me. All the time. The ones that tell everyone else to "embrace their curves" or "it's all about that bass" (translation: don't worry about your body) tell me in private, in their own words, how obsessed they are with their own bodies.
And...I'm obsessed with my body. Every day. Every single day.
And somehow this simple inherent truth about what it means to be a woman - to nurture, care, comfort, provide, protect, LOVE, and give life with our bodies has now become a hidden, shameful thing every woman must walk around with - "I'm obsessed with it, but I shouldn't be. Shame on me for being so concerned about this." And yet... it's the deepest longing of her heart to have a beautiful body.
This message of shame comes from our family, our friends, our very well-meaning loved ones that love us very much. They are trying to make us feel better about ourselves when they tell us we are just fine the way we are. To which I say, "Thank you very much, but it doesn't make me any less obsessed about my body. Now I feel bad that I feel this way... what is wrong with me?"
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! I know this for a fact. This is truth. There is nothing wrong with you! EVERYTHING you feel about your body, from your dissatisfaction to your obsession is TRUTH resonating inside of you that YOU were created to BE BEAUTIFUL. There is nothing wrong with that! YOU were MEANT to be beautiful! Every woman is. That is TRUTH.
When a client shames herself for "being obsessed" with her weight loss success (yes, they successfully lose weight through Losing Coach® and then feel guilty they are so obsessed with their success!) it makes me smile. I smile and have this conversation with her:
Me: "Let me ask you this. Does your husband work?"
Me: "How often does he bring home a paycheck?"
Her: "Once a week."
Me: "I suppose you like his paycheck, correct?"
Her: "Well yes, of course."
Me: "So he works every day?"
Me: "Of every week?"
Me: "Month after month?"
Me: "Year after year?"
Me: "Geez.... sounds like he's obsessed with that paycheck!" :)
Men are free to pursue careers and money and success and nobody shames them for it. I'm here to tell you - YOU are FREE to pursue success in a beautiful body and not be shamed for it! Come talk to me!!!
Listen to me...it's me. The 220 lb overweight/obese/fat woman you can't help but feel slightly disgusted with - none of your comments help me. Don't tell me I'd be so pretty if I lost weight. Do not talk to me about what I should and shouldn't eat. It's insulting and condescending. It makes me feel worse...and then gain more weight. Your attention on me creates more anxiety for me and increases my appetite.
NOW listen to me...it's me. The 133 lb attractive woman you can't help but feel drawn to. I'm telling you that what the scale says is not a discipline issue, not a morality issue, not a character issue, and not a right/wrong issue. My weight loss came from my appetite decreasing. My appetite is an involuntary reaction to experiences that either increase or decrease it. I have no more self-discipline than I had before, no higher character, no greater morals. I simply trained my brain. I trained my brain to make decisions from what I know, from what I believe and how I react. This has regulated my appetite. That's all.
At 220 lbs I simply needed to respect my own brain, my ability to make my own decisions.
At 133 lbs, I am not pretty because I've lost weight. What the world sees is me feeling beautiful because I respect myself.
Please let me help you do the same. You can start today!
I once went out with a guy (we'll call him "Carl") and he was a pilot. He took me out on his small airplane to fly me all over Columbus. I barely remember the flight (it was over 20 years ago), except I have a very clear memory of a moment while on the ground. I had just sat down in the airplane's front passenger seat and I was watching as Carl was setting all the controls on the plane. And then I noticed... he had skinny forearms. At that moment, I decided right then and there that I do not like skinny arms on men. I had never realized that before, but it's a clear memory I have, that at the specific moment in time, I came to that realization and decided I don't like skinny arms on men and have never changed my opinion since then. I didn't go out with him again.
Now I ask myself, was my own personal opinion of what I liked "body shaming" Carl? I don't know. I just know there's nothing wrong with what I felt. I never said anything to Carl, never made him feel bad about himself. It was just my opinion, just my preference.
Perhaps it triggered something in my primal brain at that moment. In a moment of "risk" and "danger" (I was letting him fly me in a small airplane, literally putting my life in his hands) I quickly concluded I preferred larger and stronger arms in a man, in the case he would have to sweep me up in a rescue and carry me off to safety I suppose. Again, I don't know...but I have never had to apologize to anyone, nor will I, for my own personal preference in what I find appealing about a man's body. By the way, I also don't like facial hair. Why? I don't know. I just don't. I know plenty of women that do, so my lack of attraction to it affects no one.
What I learned from my own opinion of men's bodies, is that I'm entitled to have my own opinion. I prefer an athletic build on a man. I just do. Which leads me to another story of another man I went out with; he was a professional athlete (we'll call him "Lars").
It was a brief relationship as well; he had an athletic build and his English wasn't half bad either. :) Like my conclusion in my primal brain about Carl's arms, Lars taught me that my more sophisticated and evolved brain prefers to fully understand and be fully understood. :) So see, I'm not shallow.
I share about what men's bodies taught me so that we, as women, can understand that men can have their own preferences about what they find attractive in the female body; they are entitled to their own opinions and it does not make them the shallow jerk society deems them to be because of it.
Should anyone be shamed for their body? Absolutely not. So I'm going to take this blog in another direction now and I'm talking to all the women that feel shamed because of their bodies.
Let's say you have gained weight since you got married, you've had children and time has taken its toll, so it's understandable....now let's understand where your husband is coming from...
His opinion that he finds your slimmer body more appealing is his opinion - and he's entitled to it. Now opinion and treatment are two different things. If his treatment towards you is insulting and humiliating because of your weight gain, that is cruel. Don't hold him in contempt for his opinion...speak to the way he is treating you.
Holding him in contempt for his opinion (your slimmer body is more appealing), actually puts you at odds with wanting a silmmer body. We naturally rebel. If he is treating me like a jerk because I've gained weight... we say "Well I'll show him!" as we down another gallon of ice cream....right? So understand your husband's desire for you to be slimmer (and hey, more confident too!) is not shallow. Understand it comes from his primal brain and accept it. Then if need be, speak to his more sophisticated brain in helping him understand that any insults or humiliation hurts you.
You do not deserve to be shamed, humiliated, or mistreated. You deserve to have the body you desire. If weight loss will give you that, please come talk to me! I can help you get what you want.
Just watched an interesting episode of Brain Games that talked about what happens in the brain when people stare at you. It triggers the area of the brain that makes you feel threatened and makes you feel like you've done something wrong.
This is what every overweight woman feels when she gets stared at. Every stare is interpreted by the brain as a threat, which puts her in a "flight" or "fight" mode, which increases her appetite. Every stare makes her question again in her mind "What have I done wrong?" and/or "What is wrong with me?" The absorbed judgment increases her appetite.
What is wrong with you? The answer - NOTHING. Nothing is wrong with you. You haven't done anything wrong. Hear me?.... You haven't done anything wrong.
When you become aware of the simple truth of how to manage your weight, you will believe me - you haven't done anything wrong. If you're in pain because you are ashamed of your body and you are tired of people staring at you - please schedule a consultation with me today! www.LosingCoach.com/contact
Perhaps you don't have exclusive control over your check book, and you must discuss the finances you want to invest in your weight loss with your husband or significant other. It's a bit daunting to you, as you fear the usual "How much more money are you going to waste on another diet program that won't work?" or "Why do you even need any help doing this?", "Geez, can't you just do what I do?", "You have a gym membership, just go to the gym!" Whatever it is you anticipating hearing, the thought of once again submitting to their approval for you to do this for yourself, leaves you feeling helpless. Here is how to have this conversation and achieve the outcome you want from it.
I once had a woman in my office who told me how wonderful her husband was, but bottom line, he controlled the check book because he made all the money. Here's what I coached her to do:
1. The very first thing that you must do is open his ears to hear you. The way to do that - express gratitude. Say this (in your own words to him): "Thank you for providing us financial security."
2. The next thing you must do is tell him you are not wasting money on "another weight loss program" - You are investing in YOURSELF.
3. And finally, tell him what it will give him: "This will provide me emotional security."
Now tell me, what man doesn't want that?? What man doesn't want his wife to have emotional security? A woman's emotional security is to a man what financial security is to a woman! Say these words to him and he will want you to do this for yourself! "I want to provide for you my emotional security."
It's simple and here it is all together: "I appreciate what you have provided for me - financial security. I am not wasting money on another weight loss program, I am investing in myself. I am investing in myself because I want to provide for you my emotional security."
If he wants more details, please let me him know the end result for him will be a thin, happy, sexy, beautiful, and confident wife! Could he really want any more? Ask him. It's worth the investment in yourself!
I remember my Grandma Bennett always telling me I had to get thicker skin. On Sunday afternoons at her house, I would recount all the insults and injuries (I call them arrows) from people and situations that had come my way that week in search for her reassurance that I hadn't done anything wrong. She would listen and gasp at appropriate times listening to my stories of "she said this" and "he did that" and always give me the same advice at the end - "Shelley, you have to get thicker skin."
I understood what Grandma was saying, but inside, I disagreed with her and wondered, "How am I supposed to act like this doesn't hurt me?" Having "thick skin" was not in keeping with what I was experiencing and who I was; it was not being honest with myself. Insults did hurt me. My skin was thin. I did certainly manage to "get thick skin" in the way of gaining weight and literally creating for myself a "thick skin" (weight gain is the physical manifestation of the emotional injuries), although that's not what Grandma meant.
I tried to learn from people with "thick-skin" and tried to figure out how they could just let things roll off their shoulders so easily. But no matter how hard I studied or tried, I never acquired the knack. However, I did discover a certain truth about myself. I am not "thick-skinned" and never will be. In fact, quite the opposite, I am extremely thin-skinned, always have been and always will be. This will never change. And actually, now I'm glad.
Let's look at this practically. Your skin is a layer, the first layer. Beneath it lies your heart. If your skin is thin like mine, arrows (insults and injuries) will then penetrate through your skin and hit your heart. Ouch! That's really painful because hearts are soft and they bleed! Your skin is a protective layer. Many people therefore, grow thick skin to protect their heart. Makes sense.
So what happens when your skin is thin and your heart gets hit? Well your heart is a muscle. Like in working out, your muscles grow stronger as a result of the repair work it does to the "injury". As my thin-skinned allowed arrows to penetrate through and hit my heart, every time my heart repaired itself, it got stronger. The greater the injury, the greater the repair work, the greater strength I developed. I now see my heart is strong. I am thin-skinned with a strong heart.
People become "thick-skinned" from their own fear that their heart is not strong enough to handle the hit. Therefore, they must thicken up the first protective layer. Over time, their skin gets thicker and thicker, however, their heart gets no stronger. Listen, arrows are not going to stop coming, they are always going to come, it's just called living life. You don't need to thicken up your skin, you need to have a stronger heart, you need to repair and restore the injuries that hit it.
Restore and repair your heart with love and gratitude. Heal it with truth. The same truth I was looking to get from my grandma.... A simple, "You didn't do anything wrong." A simple removal of blame. Remove the blame, and you can restore your heart. This will make your heart strong.
How does this tie into weight loss? Like this: Work on restoring and repairing your heart, and your emotional injuries won't need a "thick skin" called weight gain. I am figuratively and literally thin-skinned. I love my strong heart. I am grateful for all the injuries that made it strong. Love and gratitude, combined with the truth, healed me. When you become strong-hearted, you can be thin-skinned. Thin-skinned with a strong heart.
Motivation... do you have it and do you have enough of it? Eh... Does it matter? Let me tell you something shocking and unprecedented when it comes to weight loss and "motivation" - no, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you feel motivated or how much you feel it. Though it's helpful in weight loss, don't depend on it, and here's why. Listen to this minute of real Weight Loss Coaching by me (known for being very motivating when it comes to weight loss) about motivation.
How can you know if your weight loss plan is hurting you more than helping you? If you're doing something to lose weight that you fear (fear it won't work, fear it won't be permanent once you return to normal life), resent, don't enjoy, or leaves you feeling discouraged and belittled, then your weight loss plan is tied to negative emotions for you; this will hurt you more than help you. Because negative emotions, such as fear, resentment, and discouragement increase the appetite, it is setting you up for a difficult path and/or re-gaining weight. So here is how to tell if your weight loss plan is actually fostering negative emotions that increase your appetite, therefore hurting you more than helping you:
1. You dread stepping on the scale.
2. You need encouragement from others so you make your journey public on Facebook, but all their "You can do this!" comments don't help.
3. All their program changes really irritate you, because you thought you had this down.
4. You feel embarrassed to admit to "them" what you really ate.
5. You feel isolated, like no one there can really understand the struggle you have down deep with food.
6. You are counting down the days because 30 days never seemed so long as on this challenge.
7. You look at what everyone else is eating and then feel resentful about "your" food you are eating.
8. You crave one food group because you've deprived yourself of it.
9. The person you've hired to help you doesn't really listen to what you're saying and non-verbally and even verbally, shames you for not trying hard enough.
10. You spend a few minutes (or more) each night feeling bad about something you ate that day.
If you are experiencing any of these things, you are experiencing emotions that actually increase your appetite, making all your efforts feel like you are spinning your wheels. Losing Coach understands the mind and heart of a woman, the struggle with food addiction, and the pitfalls of diet plans; we offer personalized weight loss coaching for you to remove all negative emotions, have success in permanent weight loss, and actually enjoy the whole process. One client wrote us this after losing 3 1/2 pounds her first week - "In the past, doing this meant failure. But now it is working and I am weirdly enjoying the process and feeling confident. The fear of failure is gone."
The most sweet, most vulnerable, most real question we've received at our workshops.... She asks - "Can I look like you?" We answer and then Erin explains how it all started for her, what she wanted, and what you also have a right to.
Shelley Johnson is the Creator & Founder of The Losing Coach®.